This means, of course, that it’s time to cast the Iron Fist movie. I hope you enjoy my selections, as well as what may be a first-ever introduction to the world of hero Danny Rand. When you’re finished, be sure to weigh in with your own casting decisions in our comments section.

THE CHARACTERS

Before I reveal my choices for the actors and actresses, let’s take a minute to familiarize ourselves with the various characters they’ll be portraying.

Iron Fist (aka Danny Rand) – When his mother and father are betrayed by business partner Harold Meachum, young Daniel Rand is adopted by the leader of the other-dimensional city of K’un L’un. Over the next decade, Danny trains his mind and body for revenge against Meachum, attaining the legendary power of the Iron Fist (allowing him to punch through all sorts of materials and even injure supervillains). Returning to America, he shuns the path of revenge, eventually teaming up with the superhuman Luke Cage as one half of the Heroes for Hire. A martial artist without equal.

Wendell Rand – The father of Iron Fist, Wendell Rand discovered the mystical city of K’un-L’un as a boy and saved their leader from certain death. He was adopted by this man and taught many of their secrets, eventually choosing to travel back to America and make his fortune as an entrepreneur. Years later, he would take his wife, child, and business partner on an expedition to once again find the mythical city. After an accident left him hanging onto an icy cliff, he was forced to fall to his death by his treacherous partner.

Heather Rand – The socialite wife of Wendell Rand, Heather accompanied him on a doomed expedition into the wind-swept moutains to find the city of K’un-L’un. When they are betrayed by business partner Harold Meachum and her husband is murdered, Heather refuses Meachum’s offer of assistance and heads out across the icy landscape in search of K’un-L’un (along with her son, Danny). Nearing their objective, she sacrifices herself by distracting a pack of ravenous wolves, thus allowing her young son to reach the safety of the city.

Harold Meachum – The scumbag business partner and supposed “pal” of Wendell Rand. When his buddy finds himself hanging from the ledge of an icy cliff, Harold wastes no time in helping him fall to his doom (he covets his wife, you see). His advances towards Heather Rand are rejected, and he abandons the woman and her child in the mountains. Years later, Danny Rand seeks him out to gain revenge for the death of his parents.

Lei Kung – A resident of the mystical city of K’un L’un, Lei Kung (also known as “The Thunderer”) is the local badass who trains citizens in the martial arts. After Danny Rand came to live in K’un L’un, he became The Thunderer’s most gifted student. Lei Kung’s own son, Davos, would become the villain known as the Steel Serpent.

Colleen Wing – Trained in the ways of the samurai by her grandfather, Colleen Wing is an adventuress and private detective who often aids Iron Fist. Wielding a 1,000-year-old sword and possessing superb fighting skills, she would later form a private detective agency with Misty Knight. Together, the duo are sometimes referred to as the “Daughters of the Dragon.”

Misty Knight – A former member of the NYPD, Misty Knight wields a bionic right arm after having her original one badly injured by an explosion. A skilled detective and hand-to-hand combatant, she would become best friends and business partners with Asian hottie Colleen Wing. Knight would also strike up a romantic relationship with Iron Fist.

Steel Serpent – The son of Iron Fist’s mentor, Lei Kung, the Steel Serpent (real name: Davos) was cast out long ago from the city of K’un L’un. Obsessed with obtaining the power of the Iron Fist, he has appeared numerous times over the years to menace both Danny Rand and his friends. A dangerous martial artist, the Steel Serpent is more than a match for Iron Fist in combat. He’s also capable of absorbing the power of the Iron Fist into his own body.

Luke Cage – Granted near-impervious skin and super-strength in a prison experiment gone wrong, Luke Cage would escape captivity and use his newfound powers to fight for law and order. After making the acquaintance of Iron Fist, the two men decided to go into business together, forming the crimefighting duo known as Heroes for Hire.

THE ACTORS

If you’re going to bake a cake, you need to use the best ingredients possible. Okay, Michael Bay might disagree, but I still stand by my statement. When it’s time to cast the Iron Fist movie, the following men and women are at the top of my list to portray the characters discussed above. If you have a differing opinion, be sure to share it in our comments section.

Ray Park as Iron Fist/Danny Rand – There was talk of an Iron Fist movie way back in 2000, and martial artist Ray Park (best known as Darth Maul and the role of Toad from The X-Men) was attached to the starring role. That movie never happened, but Park hasn’t wavered in his interest. Sure, he’s probably too old for the role. Sure, he’s got an Australian accent to get rid of. And, sure, he doesn’t have a marquee name for the general public to get excited about. So what does he have? Lots and lots of mind-blowing martial arts moves, which is perfect for the role of Danny Rand. I say give the guy a shot…he’s earned it.

Timothy Olyphant as Wendell Rand – While the father of Danny Rand wasn’t always depicted as bald-headed, the picture I used as an example showed him that way. Therefore, I was bound and determined to find someone who could pull off the look in a flashback about the early life of our hero. Olyphant fits the bill, having been a baldie in the awful Hitman movie. He’s also a fine actor, and should be able to lend an notable intensity to the scene where his business partner turns heel and sends him falling to his death.

Sarah Polley as Heather Rand – Her husband has just been murdered, and she’s given a choice: go with the man who just killed him, or stay in the freezing mountains with her young son and try to find a mystical city that might not even exist. Heather Rand chooses the latter. And then, with the safety of K’un L’un in sight, she turns back to confront a pack of hungry wolves. In the act of dying, she buys her son enough time to reach safety. That’s a lot of emotion packed into a very short span of time, and it’s going to require an actress with a great deal of skill to pull it off. That’s where Sarah Polley comes in.

Danny Huston as Harold Meachum – The son of director John Huston has excelled at playing villains over the years, so he’d be perfect as the treacherous business partner who murders his friend and then tries to steal the dead man’s wife. And what about the scene a decade later when Iron Fist comes for revenge only to find Meachum confined to a wheelchair? Huston would be all over that scene like a fat kid at McDonalds.

Jason Scott Lee as Lei Kung – For the role of The Thunderer, I’m looking for someone who’s a little older but still looks as though they could do some serious damage in a fight. Jason Scott Lee fits the bill, having more than proven himself in the big-screen Bruce Lee biography all those years ago.

Maggie Q as Colleen Wing – Long and lean, Maggie Q would be perfect for the equally lean (and dangerous) Colleen Wing. She’s done plenty of martial arts scenes in her career, so she’d be right at home when Colleen gets to open up a can of whoop-ass. And a face that can stop traffic doesn’t hurt.

Meagan Good as Misty Knight – Casting the role of Misty Knight wasn’t an easy one. First off, the character needs to look good in an afro (although I have a sneaking suspicion that it’ll be dropped for the movie version). She also needs to be young, in great shape, and able to look convincing in whatever limited action the script gives her. And don’t forget that she’s Rand’s love interest, so the ability to generate a few sparks with Ray Park would be helpful. I’m confident that Meagan Good is the woman we’ve been looking for. She’s hot, athletic, and has plenty of acting experience. As for pulling off the action scenes, take a look at her performance in D.E.B.S. and tell me if you disagree.

Will Yun Lee as Steel Serpent – He’s Asian, and his brooding good looks instantly qualify him for a villainous turn as one of Iron Fist’s primary rivals. He’s been voted as one of the sexiest people alive, so this might add an extra level of enjoyment for female viewers. And he’s also got experience appearing in comic book adaptations, co-starring in both Electra and TV’s Witchblade.

Michael Jai White as Luke Cage – I picture Luke Cage only appearing near the end of the film, thereby setting up a sequel or perhaps a crossover picture. Michael Jai White is a physical specimen, something that’s absolutely needed for the role of someone whose hero name is Power Man. And the brother can act. Just pop the blaxploitation parody Black Dynamite into your DVD player and you’ll see what I mean. And the fight scenes? Sweet Christmas, the man can rock an action sequence!

That concludes my efforts to cast the Iron Fist movie. As the project slowly heads towards the big screen, I can now only wait with anticipation to see if Hollywood heeds my suggestions. While we’re waiting, here are a few other attempts by yours truly to provide casting decisions for motion pictures:

• A Star Is Born Remake – Choose Your Cast
• Cast the Captain America Movie
• Cast the Gilligan’s Island Movie – Casting Couch

So who would (or should) star in the modern-day version? That’s what we intend to explore on this installment of the Casting Couch, and you’re welcome to chime in with your own picks in our comments section. But before I unveil my wish list, let’s take a moment and look back at the three previous versions of A Star Is Born. There may be a spoiler here and there, so you’ve been warned.

All three versions of the film can be purchased on Amazon or rented from Netflix. Just click on the pictures to be taken directly to their Amazon page. We get a commission if you spend any money, but it all goes towards covering expenses (honest).

A Star Is Born (1937 version)

Encouraged by her grandmother to pursue her dreams, Esther Blodgett (Janet Gaynor) leaves her small North Dakota hometown and heads for the bright lights of Hollywood. Things are tough at first, but a chance meeting with fading star Norman Maine (Fredric March) leads to romance, marriage, and a chance at an acting career. Esther is renamed Vicki Lester, and it’s not long before she’s on the way to the top. But Norman’s career is in decline, and he starts hitting the bottle with a vengeance.

• Janet Gaynor as Esther Blodgett/Vicki Lester – The small-town girl who suffers personal tragedy in her pursuit of stardom.
• Fredric March as Norman Maine – Once a big star, Norman’s career is in decline when he meets Esther. Suffering from depression, he finds solace at the bottom of a bottle.
• Adolphe Menjou as Oliver Niles – Norman’s supportive producer who gives Esther her first big break.
• May Robson as Grandmother Lettie – Esther’s grandmother who convinces her to follow her dreams and offers support after personal tragedy strikes.

A Star Is Born (1954 version)

After saving popular actor Norman Maine (James Mason) from public humiliation, singer and aspiring actress Esther Blodgett finds herself the object of his support and affection. As Esther–now dubbed Vicki Lester–becomes an overnight success in a lavish Hollywood musical, Norman’s career continues to falter (due in large part to his heavy drinking). As you might have guessed, this leads to a tragic end for ‘ol Norman.

• Judy Garland as Esther Blodgett/Vicki Lester – A talented singer who gets into acting after a chance encounter with a drunken movie star.
• James Mason as Norman Maine – A celebrity whose drinking is slowly destroying his career.
• Charles Bickford as Oliver Niles – A Hollywood producer who helps Esther/Vicki ascend to the top rungs of the Hollywood ladder.
• Tommy Noonan as Danny McGuire – Esther’s old friend who convinces her to carry on following the death of her husband.

A Star Is Born (1976 version)

Esther Hoffman (Barbra Streisand) is a singer whose band is interrupted by drunken rocker John Norman Howard (Kris Kristofferson). Feeling guilt over his behavior, Howard tries to make it up to her, and the two become romantically involved. But Howard’s various addictions are taking their toll, and he begins forgetting the words to his own songs during concerts. Esther, meanwhile, becomes a star in her own right, and she desperately seeks a way to help her husband find peace. As with the other two films, it doesn’t end well for Esther’s true love.

• Barbra Streisand as Esther Hoffman – An aspiring musician who falls in love with a fading rock star.
• Kris Kristofferson as John Norman Howard – A once-famous singer whose substance abuse leads to his downfall.

A Star Is Born Remake

Russell Crowe has been discussed as the male lead in a modern-day remake of A Star Is Born, but Gerard Butler has recently emerged as another top contender. On the female side of things, Beyonce was attached to star, but recent reports indicate that she’s pulled out. That’s the way casting occurs in Hollywood, and none of these stars may be involved by the time it hits the big screen.

That’s why the ‘ol Casting Couch is so great. None of the actors can refuse my offer, and they’re all guaranteed to show up on time, behave themselves, and give their best performances. Keeping that in mind, here are my personal selections for the latest version of A Star Is Born:

Anne Hathaway as Esther/Vicki – With her doe-eyed beauty, Hathaway would be perfect in the role of the innocent young starlet who suddenly finds success in Hollywood. She also wanted to be a nun up until the age of 15, so she’s got the wholesome thing nailed down. A more sensual characterization would also be possible, as anyone who’s seen Havoc or Brokeback Mountain can confirm. She’s demonstrated her singing talents opposite Hugh Jackman during the 81st Academy Awards, and her style of acting has been compared at times to Judy Garland (the lead in the 1954 version of A Star Is Born). When you add it all up, I believe the lovely Ms. Hathaway to be the perfect choice for the role.

Sean Penn as Norman Maine – While his own career is hardly in decline, Sean Penn has the acting chops to pull off the role of a boozy, fading celebrity. And violent on-screen outbursts wouldn’t be a problem, as Penn once did 33 days in jail in 1987 for beating a photographer like a government mule. He was also married to Madonna when she became a superstar, so his insider’s view of a female rocketing to the top of the entertainment industry would prove invaluable on the set.

James Cromwell as Oliver Niles – I like James Cromwell for the role of helpful producer Oliver Niles. He’s the character who starts Esther on the path to superstardom, but he’s also blunt enough to point out that Norman’s career destruction is self-inflicted. Cromwell is equally adept at playing nice guys (Babe and Star Trek: First Contact) and bastards (L.A. Confidential and RKO 281), so he’s got all the emotional range you’d ever need.

Betty White as Grandma Lettie – She’s been in the biz for over 70 years, and she recently became the oldest person to ever host Saturday Night Live (with the show’s highest rating since November of 2008). I picture Grandma Lettie as a comical-yet-wise figure, and the film’s climax would allow her to stretch her acting muscles in a tender scene with Esther. I’m not certain if the reptile (pictured above) would be included in the storyline or not.

Whether you agree with my choices or not, I hope you’ve enjoyed this edition of The Casting Couch. For similar articles, be sure to click on the following links:

• Cast the Gilligan’s Island Movie
• Cast the Captain America Movie
• Cast the King Arthur Movie

(NOTE: I’m not making this up. All of these casting decisions could’ve happened.)

I should also note that all of the films listed below can be purchased on Amazon. We get a small commission for sending you there, but your price isn’t affected at all. In some other universe, however, I like to imagine that we’re getting $10,000 per referral, and I’m having a steamy tryst with Jessica Alba. A man can always dream, can’t he?

RAIN MAN

In Our World
Charlie Babbitt – Tom Cruise
Raymond Babbitt – Dustin Hoffman

In Bizarro Hollywood
Charlie Babbitt – Dustin Hoffman
Raymond Babbitt – Bill Murray

PRETTY WOMAN

In Our World
Edward Lewis – Richard Gere
Vivian Ward – Julia Roberts

In Bizarro Hollywood
Edward Lewis – Christopher Reeve
Vivian Ward – Karen Allen

THE SILENCE OF THE LAMBS

In Our World
Clarice Starling – Jodie Foster

In Bizarro Hollywood
Clarice Starling – Michelle Pfeiffer

BLAZING SADDLES

In Our World
Sheriff Bart – Cleavon Little
The Waco Kid – Gene Wilder

In Bizarro Hollywood
Sheriff Bart – Richard Pryor
The Waco Kid – Gig Young

FACE/OFF

In Our World
Sean Archer/Castor Troy – John Travolta
Castor Troy/Sean Archer – Nicolas Cage

In Bizarro Hollywood
Sean Archer/Castor Troy – Arnold Schwarzenegger
Castor Troy/Sean Archer – Sylvester Stallone
(the pairings of Al Pacino/Robert De Niro and Harrison Ford/Michael Douglas were also considered)

BAD BOYS

In Our World
Det. Mike Lowrey – Will Smith
Det. Marcus Burnett – Martin Lawrence

In Bizarro Hollywood
Det. Mike Lowrey – Dana Carvey
Det. Marcus Burnett – Jon Lovitz

THE SHAWSHANK REDEMPTION

In Our World
Andy Dufresne – Tim Robbins
Red Redding – Morgan Freeman

In Bizarro Hollywood
Andy Dufresne – Tom Hanks
Red Redding – Clint Eastwood

SUNSET BOULEVARD

In Our World
Norma Desmond – Gloria Swanson
Joe Gillis – William Holden

In Bizarro Hollywood
Norma Desmond – Mae West
Joe Gillis – Marlon Brando

THE MATRIX

In Our World
Neo – Keanu Reeves
Trinity – Carrie-Ann Moss
Morpheus – Laurence Fishburne

In Bizarro Hollywood
Neo – Will Smith
Trinity – Sandra Bullock
Morpheus – Sean Connery

COLLATERAL

In Our World
Max – Jaime Foxx
Vincent – Tom Cruise

In Bizarro Hollywood
Max – Adam Sandler
Vincent – Russell Crowe

GONE WITH THE WIND

In Our World
Scarlett O’Hara – Vivien Leigh
Rhett Butler – Clark Gable

In Bizarro Hollywood
Scarlett O’Hara – Paulette Goddard
Rhett Butler – Gary Cooper

MINORITY REPORT

In Our World
John Anderton – Tom Cruise
Lamar Burgess – Max von Sydow
Danny Witwer – Colin Farrell
Agatha – Samantha Morton
Iris Hineman – Lois Smith
Lara – Kathryn Morris

In Bizarro Hollywood
John Anderton – Tom Cruise
Lamar Burgess – Ian McKellen
Danny Witwer – Matt Damon
Agatha – Cate Blanchett
Iris Hineman – Meryl Streep
Lara – Jenna Elfman

MEN IN BLACK

In Our World
Agent K – Tommy Lee Jones
Agent J – Will Smith
Edgar – Vincent D-Onofrio

In Bizarro Hollywood
Agent K – Clint Eastwood
Agent J – Chris O’Donnell
Edgar – John Turturro

THE TERMINATOR

In Our World
The Terminator – Arnold Schwarzenegger
Kyle Reese – Michael Biehn

In Bizarro Hollywood
The Terminator – Lance Henriksen
Kyle Reese – Arnold Schwarzenegger

THE LORD OF THE RINGS: THE FELLOWSHIP OF THE RINGS

In Our World
Frodo Baggins – Elijah Wood
Gandalf the Grey – Ian McKellen
Aragorn – Viggo Mortensen
Boromir – Sean Bean
Gimli – John Rhys-Davies
Elrond – Hugo Weaving
Bilbo Baggins – Ian Holm

In Bizarro Hollywood
Frodo Baggins – Elijah Wood
Gandalf the Grey – Sean Connery
Aragorn – Nicolas Cage
Boromir – Liam Neeson
Gimli – Billy Connolly
Elrond – David Bowie
Bilbo Baggins – Sylvester McCoy

POINT BREAK

In Our World
Johnny Utah – Keanu Reeves
Bodhi – Patrick Swayze

In Bizarro Hollywood
Johnny Utah – Matthew Broderick
Bodhi – Charlie Sheen

BREAKFAST AT TIFFANY’S

In Our World
Holly Golightly – Audrey Hepburn

In Bizarro Hollywood
Marilyn Monroe

THE GODFATHER

In Our World
Don Vito Corleone – Marlon Brando
Michael Corleone – Al Pacino
Tom Hagen – Robert Duvall
Sonny Corleone – James Caan
Kay Adams – Diane Keaton
Carlo Rizzi – Gianni Russo
Moe Greene – Alex Rocco
Paulie Gatto – John Martino

In Bizarro Hollywood
Don Vito Corleone – Ernest Borgnine
Michael Corleone – Robert Redford
Tom Hagen – Steve McQueen
Sonny Corleone – Anthony Perkins
Kay Adams – Mia Farrow
Carlo Rizzi – Sylvester Stallone
Moe Greene – William Devane
Paulie Gatto – Robert De Niro

APOCALYPSE NOW

In Our World
Captain Benjamin Willard – Martin Sheen
Colonel Walter E. Kurtz – Marlon Brando

In Bizarro Hollywood
Capt. Benjamin Willard – Steve McQueen
Col. Walter Kurtz – Jack Nicholson

THE PHILADELPHIA STORY

In Our World
C.K. Dexter Haven – Cary Grant
Macaulay Connor – Jams Stewart
Tracy Lord – Katharine Hepburn

In Bizarro Hollywood
C.K. Dexter Haven – Clark Gable
Macaulay Connor – Spencer Tracy
Tracy Lord – Katharine Hepburn

DEMOLITION MAN

In Our World
John Spartan – Sylvester Stallone
Simon Phoenix – Wesley Snipes
Lenina Huxley – Sandra Bullock

In Bizarro Hollywood
John Spartan – Steven Seagal
Simon Phoenix – Jean-Claude Van Damme
Lenina Huxley – Lori Petty

If you enjoyed this article on Hollywood’s bizarre casting decisions, be sure to check out the following articles:

• 100 Actors Who’ve Turned Down Big Movie Roles
• Cast the Gilligan’s Island Movie – Casting Couch
• Cast the Captain America Movie

I’ll list the roles that need to be cast, and then you play casting director and fill them. It’s that simple. Maybe your Captain America film is filled with middle-aged acting talent, or perhaps the emphasis is more on buff young bodies. It’s your choice. To participate, just list your selections in the comments section below the post.

And if you want to do a little research for your casting decisions, you can always visit Amazon and pick up some items featuring Captain America. We’ll get a small commission for sending you there, which will help us develop our own super-soldier formula to use against the Nazis. Here are a few recommended products:

• The Death of Captain America Omnibus
• Captain America Shield
• Captain America Golden Age Comics – Marvel Masterworks
• Ultimate Avengers – The Movie

Roles to Cast for The First Avenger: Captain America

The following section details a few of the characters who’ll make appearances in the Captain America movie. There will certainly be more by the time the film hits theaters, but these should all be a certainty. When you make your casting decisions, feel free to make any additions you want.

Steve Rogers aka Captain America – As America prepares to enter World War II, a brave-yet-scrawny soldier named Steve Rogers enlists in the Army. Wanting to get bigger and stronger in order to better fight the Nazis, Rogers volunteers to undergo a experimental process designed to create the perfect soldier. It works, but the Army brass decide to first use him as a public relations tool. It’s only when a Nazi plot is discovered that Captain America is finally able to do what he does best. The epitome of an American soldier, Cap is brave, loyal and willing to sacrifice his life for the cause of freedom. In addition to his unparalleled athletic ability, he also has a sidekick named Bucky and an indestructible shield. His adventures in the 1940s end with Captain America frozen in ice, and his later discovery leads to the formation of a modern superhero team known as The Avengers.

Johann Schmidt aka The Red Skull – The primary enemy of Captain America and Hitler’s right-hand man, The Red Skull, much like Cap, came from humble origins and rose to become a symbol of his country. He was so successful in spreading the Nazi message of fear, in fact, that the United States decided to counter by creating a living symbol of their own. Wearing a horrifying red skull mask, the man once known as Johann Schmidt specializes in terrorism and espionage.

James “Bucky” Barnes – After his father is accidentally killed in training, the teenage Bucky comes to live at U.S. Army Camp Lehigh and fill the role of a mascot. He befriends the clumsy Steve Rogers and eventually discovers that he is, in fact, Captain America. Wanting to join his pal in battling the Nazis, Bucky is given intense training and a costume of his own. Even though he’s only 15, his participation in the war is intended to rally the youth of America.

Peggy Carter – An American woman who was a freedom fighter with the French Resistance, Peggy Carter eventually became the wartime love of Captain America. Sadly, he was frozen in ice before the end of the war, and the two were never able to be together. Her niece, Sharon Carter, would grow up to be an agent of SHIELD and an eventual love of Captain America.

Human Torch aka Jim Hammond – An android with the ability to surround himself with flames and exert control over fire. He fought the Nazis as a member of the WWII superteam known as The Invaders. No relation to The Human Torch of The Fantastic Four.

Namor the Sub-Mariner – The son of a human sea captain and a princess of Atlantis, Namor has served as both a hero and villain in the Marvel Universe. During WWII, he was definitely one of the good guys, fighting the forces of Germany as a member of The Invaders. Years later, the long-lived Namor would go on to be a member of The Avengers, The Fantastic Four and The X-Men. Possesses superhuman strength and endurance, flight, the ability to live underwater, and much more.

Union Jack aka Lord James Montgomery Falsworth – An adventurer and agent for the British government, Union Jack served in much the same capacity as Captain America. A member of the British aristocracy, he fought the powers of the Axis alongside other members of The Invaders.

My Picks for the Captain America Movie Cast

Now that we’ve nailed down the roles, let’s dive right into the casting process.

Chris Evans as Captain America – While he excels at smartass roles, Chris Evans certainly has the kind of all-American good looks required to play the ultimate U.S. super-soldier, and acting patriotic and dedicated isn‘t exactly an acting challenge. He’s also an old hand at starring in comic book adaptations, having taken roles in TMNT, The Losers, and Fantastic Four (where he played Johnny Storm). Other genre work includes roles in Sunshine and Push.

He’s not going to have an easy road to the part, however. Each of the following has been rumored to be interested in the part at one time or another: Ryan Phillippe, John Krasinski, Chace Crawford, Scott Porter, Mike Vogel, Dane Cook, Michael Cassidy, Channing Tatum, Wilson Bethel and Garrett Hedlund.

Guy Pearce as The Red Skull – Even without the Red Skull mask, Pearce’s angular face projects a certain intensity. Memento showed how crazy he can get on-screen, and the versatile Aussie has played everything from ambitious cops (L.A. Confidential) to drag queens (The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert). If you want a well-rounded choice who want let you down, it’s gonna be hard to beat Guy Pearce. As of this writing, it looks as though Pearce’s co-star in Priscilla, Hugo Weaving, may be close to nailing down the role.

Lucas Black as Bucky – Lucas Black won’t pass for 15, but what’s the harm in making Cap’s sidekick a little older? With his Southern accent, there’s no mistaking him for anything other than American, and that’s perfect for this role. Plus, Black is all kinds of buff, allowing him to seem almost an equal to Cap. This isn’t the same guy who once had his laundry bag carried by Billy Bob Thornton.

Adrianne Palicki as Peggy Carter – Like most Hollywood movies, I’m guessing the female lead will be the least fleshed out. She’ll need to look courageous in the face of the Nazi menace and be able to generate chemistry with her on-screen love interest. The 5’11” Palicki should be more than able to hold her own during the battle scenes, and her blonde-haired good looks should make her appealing to both sexes. Plus, she and Lucas Black can hang out on the set and talk about what went wrong with Legion. In real life, the names being mentioned the most for this role include Emily Blunt, Keira Knightley and Alice Eve.

Hugo Weaving as the voice of the Human Torch – I’m assuming The Invaders won’t have huge roles, so my version of the Human Torch is a CGI generated pillar of fire on two legs. He will need a voice, though, and who better to provide it than Hugo Weaving? Blessed with a memorable voice and excellent diction, Weaving can make any line of dialogue sound as though it’s the most important thing in the world.

Manu Bennett as Namor – The crown prince of Atlantic is dark and brooding, and Bennett certainly has the looks to pull that off. He’s also got the physique necessary to play someone with superhuman strength, and anyone who’s watched Spartacus: Blood and Sand knows he’s more than ready if the filmmakers decide to give Namor some scenes with full-frontal nudity.

Richard Armitage as Union Jack – Union Jack probably won’t be shown without his mask, so the talents of Richard Armitage would likely be wasted in the role. Still, I’ve got to cast someone as Britain’s top wartime operative, so why not this versatile actor who’s played an MI5 officer on the BBC series Spooks and Robin Hood’s villainous Guy of Gisborne?

So there you have it – my casting selections for the 2011 Captain America movie. Be sure to visit our comments section below and submit your own or bitch about mine. And more Casting Couch goodness, you can also check out the following:

• Cast the Tiger Woods Movie
• A Star Is Born Remake – Choose Your Cast
• Cast the King Arthur Movie
• Cast the Gilligan’s Island Movie

In this installment of the Casting Couch, you’ll be challenged to cast the King Arthur movie. Whether you’re going for a more traditional version or a teen-oriented tale, your goal is to find the right combination of looks, talent, and starpower.

But before we get to that, let’s examine the King Arthur film projects currently in development:

• Guy Ritchie is now attached to direct a King Arthur film for Warner Bros. The script was originally supposed to be by Warren Ellis, but it looks as though Ritchie will now be writing it alongside John Hodge. It’s said to be one of those dreaded “re-imaginings,” which leaves a lot of wiggle room when it comes to plot and characterization. But it is supposed to draw heavily from Sir Thomas Malory’s Le Morte d’ Arthur, so that’s always good news. I’m just glad that the Madonna phase is over for Ritichie, meaning we won’t have to see her cast as an oddly masculine-looking Guinevere.
• Bryan Singer is attached to direct a remake of the classic 1981 John Boorman film, Excalibur. As long as Mordred doesn’t shank Arthur with a piece of kryptonite, I’ll be happy.
• Finally there’s director Sylvain White (Stomp the Yard and The Losers) and the possibility that he’ll helm Pendragon. Based on a script by Brian McGreevy and Lee Shipman, this project is supposed to act as an origin story for Arthur and his knights. If it performs well, expect a franchise to follow.

Now let’s take a look at the characters for our King Arthur movie:

• King Arthur – King of the Britons and the wielder of the mystical sword Excalibur.
• Guinevere – The wife of King Arthur. She has an affair with Sir Lancelot, and this betrayal causes the fall of Camelot. Spends the last years of her life in a convent.
• Sir Lancelot – The greatest and most trusted of the Knights of the Round Table. He has an affair with Guinevere, and this leads to the downfall of the kingdom and the death of Arthur. The father of Sir Galahad.
• Merlin – A wise wizard who helps Arthur become king. He is eventually imprisoned by The Lady of the Lake.
• Sir Galahad – The illegitimate son of Sir Lancelot and a Knight of the Round Table. Galahad was admired for his purity and heroism. Along with others, he finds the Holy Grail. Declared by King Arthur as his “most perfect knight.”
• Mordred – The illegitimate son of King Arthur. A treacherous figure who tries to overthrow Camelot, he is killed in battle with his father (but not before mortally wounding him).
• Sir Gawain – Nephew to King Arthur and one of the Knights of the Round Table. A brash warrior who defends women and the poor. Famous for his adventures in the tale Sir Gawain and the Green Knight.
• Morgan le Fay – An evil sorceress and the half-sister of King Arthur. Modern film adaptations often depict her as being in league with Mordred and imprisoning Merlin.
• Sir Bedivere – A Knight of the Round Table, Bedivere is an excellent warrior despite being one-handed. When Arthur is taken to the isleof Avalon following his battle with Mordred, it is Bedivere who returns Excalibur to the Lady of the Lake.
• The Lady of the Lake – A mystical being who gives Arthur his enchanted sword and raises Sir Lancelot. When Arthur is mortally wounded in battle, she takes the dying king to the land of Avalon.

And, no, these guys aren’t included…

And in case you’re having trouble thinking of ideas, here are a few casts from previous films about King Arthur and the Knights of the Round Table.

King Arthur (2004)

• Arthur – Clive Owen
• Guinevere – Keira Knightley
• Lancelot – Ioan Gruffudd
• Tristan – Mads Mikkelsen
• Gawain – Joel Edgerton
• Galahad – Hugh Dancy
• Merlin – Stephen Dillane

Excalibur (1981)

• King Arthur – Nigel Terry
• Morgana Le Fay – Helen Mirren
• Merlin – Nicol Williamson
• Lancelot – Nicholas Clay
• Guenevere – Cherie Lunghi
• Gawain – Liam Neeson
• Mordred – Robert Addie

First Knight (1995)

• King Arthur – Sean Connery
• Lancelot – Richard Gere
• Guinevere – Julia Ormond

Now it’s time for my official selections for the King Arthur movie. Share your own picks in our comments section.

Daniel Craig as King Arthur – Craig has an awfully rugged face to be 42, but that’s perfect for a king with the weight of the world on his shoulders. He’s more than capable of handling the action scenes, and he looks in period costume.

Olivia Wilde as Guinevere- The queen consort of Arthur needs to be young and hot, so who better than Scottish hottie Olivia Wilde? She’s even more lovely as a brunette, but I always picture Guinevere as a blonde. Besides, you need someone who’s hot enough to cause the ultimate downfall of Camelot, and Wilde more than fits the bill.

Clive Owen as Sir Lancelot – While I realize that Owen has already played King Arthur, I still think he’d make a better Lancelot. Why? Owen is fantastic as a sword-wielding badass, and he just looks like the type of guy who could steal your woman.

Billy Connolly as Merlin – While he’s better known for being a comic, Billy Connolly has turned in a number of solid dramatic performances over the years (Mrs. Brown, for example). Plus, he looks fantastic with long hair and a white beard.

Zac Efron as Sir Galahad- Galahad is supposed to be the son of Sir Lancelot, so we need someone from the younger generation. Galahad is also supposed to be a paragon of chastity, so you need someone who looks like they’d be constantly tempted by lusty medieval wenches. Efron is that guy.

Chris Pine as Mordred – Yes, he’s Captain Kirk, but anyone who watched Carriers knows that Pine can also play a convincing asshole. Since Mordred’s hand guides the blow that takes Arthur out of the world, a world-class jerk is what’s required.

Colin Farrell as Sir Gawain- A brash warrior who protects women and the poor, Farrell has all the necessary charm and physical abilities to pull off this role. And it doesn’t get any more brash. 

Kate Beckinsale as Morgan le Fay – I rest my case.

Sean Bean as Sir Bedivere – How about giving Sean Bean a heroic role where he doesn’t die?  Wouldn’t that be novel.

Emma Watson as The Lady of the Lake- Since she’s an ageless being, I figured I’d go borderline jailbait with The Lady of the Lake. At the moment, nobody embodies that quality more than Miss Hermione Grainger.

In case you’re wondering what the hell Gilligan’s Island was, let’s look at a little background. Airing on CBS, Gilligan’s Island ran from 1964 until 1967 and followed the comedic adventures of a group of castaways stranded on a remote island. After years of syndication, it’s widely regarded as a classic example of television comedy.

The famous opening theme sums it up nicely…

And if you don’t want to watch that, I’ve went ahead and transcribed the lyrics here:

Just sit right back and you’ll hear a tale, a tale of a fateful trip, That started from this tropic port, aboard this tiny ship. The mate was a mighty sailin’ man, the Skipper brave and sure. Five passengers set sail that day for a three hour tour. A three hour tour. The weather started getting rough, the tiny ship was tossed. If not for the courage of the fearless crew, the Minnow would be lost. The Minnow would be lost. The ship set ground on the shore of this uncharted desert isle, with Gilligan, the Skipper too, the millionaire and his wife, the movie star, the Professor and Mary Ann, here on Gilligan’s Isle.

Now about those castaways…

(from left): Professor, Mary Ann, Gilligan, Ginger, The Howells, Skipper

• Gilligan (Bob Denver) – Idiotic first mate of the S.S. Minnow. He’s the “little buddy” of The Skipper. While an innocent soul, Gilligan was often responsible for the castaways failing to escape from the island.
• Captain Jonas Grumby aka The Skipper (Alan Hale Jr.) – The captain of the S.S. Minnow. A veteran sailor who often loses his cool due to Gilligan’s antics.
• Roy Hinkley aka The Professor (Russell Johnson) – A high school science teacher and the smartest man on the island. Able to create a number of inventions, but all of them failed to get the castaways rescued. Often served as the leader of the group.
• Ginger Grant (Tina Louise) – A vain, airheaded movie star with red hair.
• Mary Ann Summers (Dawn Wells) – A wholesome and unassuming castaway. Her domestic skills came in handy on the island.
• Thurston Howell III (Jim Backus) – A wealthy castaway who often believes the world revolves around him (and his money). Sleeps with a teddy bear.
• Eunice “Lovey” Wentworth Howell (Natalie Schafer) – The dimwitted, self-absorbed wife of Thurston Howell.

Now that you know what I’m talking about, let’s get back to answering the question, “Who would you cast in the Gilligan’s Island movie?” I’ll give my picks first, followed up by a couple of pals of mine, Randy and Anthony. Whether you agree or disagree, be sure to make your voice heard in the comments section. You’re also welcome to debate who was sexier, Ginger or Mary Ann, as that’s become a favorite topic of discussion for men since the show first aired.

Shane’s Picks for the Gilligan’s Island Movie

• Gilligan – Jesse Eisenberg (Columbus from Zombieland)
• Skipper - John C. Reilly (Dewey Cox in Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story)
• The Professor – Matthew Fox (Jack Shephard from Lost)
• Ginger – Rachel McAdams (Allison Hamilton from The Notebook)
• Mary Ann – Anna Paquin (Rogue from X-Men)
• Mr. Howell – Alan Arkin (Edwin Hoover from Little Miss Sunshine)
• Mrs. Howell - Sharon Stone (Catherine Tramell from Basic Instinct)

Randy’s Picks for the Gilligan’s Island Movie

• Gilligan – Michael Cera (George Michael Bluth from Arrested Development)
• Skipper – Kurt Russell (Wyatt Earp from Tombstone)
• The Professor – Jon Hamm (Don Draper from Mad Men)
• Ginger – Katherine Heigl (Dr. Izzie Stevens from Grey’s Anatomy)
• Mary Ann – Anne Hathaway (Andy Sachs from The Devil Wears Prada)
• Mr. Howell – Leslie Nielsen (Lt. Frank Drebin from The Naked Gun series)
• Mrs. Howell – Cloris Leachman (Ida from Malcolm in the Middle)

Anthony’s Picks for the Gilligan’s Island Movie

• Gilligan – Christopher Mintz-Plasse (McLovin from Superbad)
• Skipper – Sean Connery (former James Bond)
• The Professor – Hugh Jackman (Wolverine from the X-Men)
• Ginger – Kate Bosworth (Lois Lane from Superman Returns)
• Mary Ann – Rachel Leigh Cook (Laney Boggs from She’s All That)
• Mr. Howell - Pierce Brosnan (former James Bond)
• Mrs. Howell – Rene Russo (Lorna Cole from Lethal Weapon III and IV)

If you’s like to see more examples of the Casting Couch, be sure to check out the following:

• Casting the Tiger Woods Movie
• A Star Is Born Remake – Choose Your Cast

Chris Tucker as Tiger Woods – First off, Tiger Woods is an odd-looking guy if you really pay attention. How could he not be, considering that he’s one-quarter Chinese, one-quarter Thai, one-eighth Dutch, one-eighth Native American and one-quarter African American? You’re not going to find an actor who meets all the required ethnic traits, so I’ve decided to go in a completely different direction when casting the Tiger Woods movie role. Chris Tucker is known for his high-pitched delivery and comedic talents, but I’m confident he could lower his voice and pull off the role. He’s certainly got the time, as he only did three films from 1998 until 2007 (all Rush Hour movies). And since Woods’ whole public persona is essentially a fabrication, you really don’t need to worry about getting an actor with too much depth. In fact, just the opposite would be best. In real-life, it sounds as though Cuba Gooding Jr. may be getting the role of Tiger Woods.

Sophie Monk as Elin Nordegren – Tiger’s hottie Swedish wife and the mother of his children. A former model, she was introduced to him while serving as an au pair (like a foreign exchange student/nanny) for golfer Jesper Parnevik. English/Australian actress/singer Sophie Monk has the good looks to portray her, right down to those sexy, plump lips. Besides, with her athletic body, I’m betting she could adequately wield a golf club to free her husband from a wrecked car or punish him for his infidelity.

Tim Thomerson as Jesper Parnevik – The Swedish pro golfer who first introduced Tiger Woods and his future wife, Parnevik is known for his outrageous fashion sense and turning up the bill of his baseball cap. As the scandal started to unfold, he made headlines by stating that he regretted having made the introductions between the two. There’s an 18-year difference between Parnevik (45) and actor Tim Thomerson (63), but the star of such films as Trancers and Evil Bong best matches Parnevik’s distinctive facial features.

Kelly Ripa as Jaimee Grubbs – A Los Angeles cocktail waitress who claimed to have a 31-month affair with Woods, which led to a total of 20 sexual encounters. Grubbs’ claims were initially dismissed, but then she produced a panicked voicemail from Woods worrying about his wife finding out. She also released a number of text messages, which she claimed to have kept for “sentimental” reasons. A class act all the way.

Kim Kardashian as Rachel Uchitel – A party girl and bartender, she was the first person romantically linked to Tiger Woods courtesy of a story in the National Enquirer. While there’s not much of a resemblance, party girl Kim Kardashian certainly has the trash factor going for her, so she’s as good a choice as any.

Jodi Lyn O’Keefe as Mindy Lawton – Yet another supposed mistress of Tiger Woods, this waitress claimed to have had sex with the golfer in his garage, shower, and a number of public parking lots. She also claimed that he was “very well endowed.” Casting the lovely Jodi Lyn O’Keefe in this role is doing the not-nearly-as-attractive Lawton a great favor.

Jaime Pressly as Holly Sampson – This porn star claimed to have only slept with Tiger Woods once. Paid to perform in a girl-on-girl-on-girl sex show for his 24th birthday party, Sampson claimed that the pair hooked up later in the night. You can see more of her goods in films such as MILF Bone 4 and Suck It Dry 6. Actress Jaime Pressly bears a slight resemblance in the face and with her lean, athletic body, so she gets the role.

Christina Ricci as Joslyn James – Yet another porn star alleged to have had an affair with Tiger Woods, James hasn’t been as vocal about the supposed fling as some of the other girls. While her boobs aren’t anywhere as big, actress Christina Ricci knows how to channel trashy sex appeal.

Bar Refaeli as Loredana Jolie – A former Playboy model who reportedly moved on to turning tricks, one of them being the billionaire golfer. She’s supposed to be putting together a book, claiming (among other things) that she witnessed Tiger having sex with men. Since I’m casting the Tiger Woods movie, I’m giving this role to Israeli supermodel (and girlfriend of Leonardo DiCaprio) Bar Refaeli.

Patton Oswalt as John Daly – This controversial golfer known as “Long John” and “Wild Thing” had nothing to do with the scandal, but I feel that any attempts at casting the Tiger Woods movie should include him. After all, we’re talking about a golfer who has suffered through gambling problems, weight problems, alcohol problems, multiple divorces and a love for cigarettes and Diet Coke. Who better to play him than chubby comic Patton Oswalt?

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