Whenever I’m feeling blue, I like to pop a well-written comedy into the DVD player and laugh my cares away. While physical humor is always welcome, it’s those witty one-liners that really have me rolling on the floor (whether they’re considered funny movie quotes or outrageous movie quotes). The following article includes some of the funniest film quotes I’ve ever encountered, but feel free to include your own in the comments section.

• “I am serious…and don’t call me Shirley.” (Airplane!)
• “I have nipples, Greg. Could you milk me?” (Meet the Parents)
• “I’ll have what she’s having.” (When Harry Met Sally)
• “Truth hurts. Maybe not as much as jumping on a bicycle with a seat missing, but it hurts.” (Naked Gun 2½: The Smell of Fear)
• “Insanity runs in my family. It practically gallops.” (Arsenic and Old Lace)
• “Don’t knock masturbation. It’s sex with someone I love.” (Annie Hall)

• “There’s no reason to become alarmed, and we hope you’ll enjoy the rest of your flight. By the way, is there anyone on board who knows how to fly a plane?” (Airplane!)
• “If you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge a ball.” (Dodgeball)
• “Please! This is supposed to be a happy occasion. Let’s not bicker and argue over who killed who.” (Monty Python and the Holy Grail)
• “I’ve been listening to my gut since I was 14 years old, and frankly speaking, I’ve come to the conclusion that my guts have shit for brains.” (High Fidelity)
• “There’s a Mr. Grim here about the reaping.” (Monty Python’s The Meaning of Life)
• “Paps, you’ve been like the drunken, abusive grandfather I never had.” (Cabin Boy)
• “Gentlemen, you can’t fight in here! This is the War Room!” (Dr. Strangelove)
• “We came. We saw. We kicked its ass.” (Ghostbusters)
• “Bring us a pitcher of beer every seven minutes until somebody passes out. And then bring one every ten minutes.” (Back to School)
• “Excuse me while I whip this out.” (Blazing Saddles)
• “We just get Miami Wice on television. Miami Wice is number one new show.” (EuroTrip)
• “Well, we’ll not risk another frontal assault. That rabbit’s dynamite.” (Monty Python and the Holy Grail)
• “Marriage is like a tense, unfunny version of Everybody Loves Raymond, only it doesn’t last 22 minutes. It lasts forever.” (Knocked Up)
• “Yeah I called her up, she gave me a bunch of crap about me not listening to her, or something, I don’t know, I wasn’t really paying attention.” (Dumb and Dumber)
• “Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, son.” (Animal House)
• “That’s what I love about these high school girls, man. I get older, they stay the same age.” (Dazed and Confused)
• “That’s just the way it crumbles, cookie wise.” (The Apartment)
• “What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas… Except for herpes. That shit will come back with you.” (The Hangover)
• “I don’t understand. All my life I’ve been waiting for someone, and when I find her, she’s…she’s a fish.” (Splash)
• “I love my dead, gay son.” (Heathers)

• “The only time we doctors should accept death is when it’s caused by our own incompetence.” (The Man with Two Brains)
• “Define ‘irony’: a bunch of idiots dancing around on a plane to a song made famous by a band that died in a plane crash.” (Con-Air)
• “One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas, I don’t know.” (Animal Crackers)

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• “My husband and I fell in love at first sight… maybe I should have taken a second look.” (Crimes and Misdemeanors)
• “I live at home with my parents. It’s just temporary…’til they die.” (Gamers – The Movie)
• “Me love you long time.” (Full Metal Jacket)
• “I immediately regret this decision!” (Anchorman)
• “I think I’m attracted to teachers. Yeah, I took out an English teacher. That didn’t work out at all. I sent her a love letter…She corrected it!” (Back to School)
• “You’re gonna need a bigger boat.” (Jaws)
• “Son, you got a panty on your head.” (Raising Arizona)
• “My grammy never gave gifts. She was too busy getting raped by Cossacks.” (Annie Hall)
• “I feel like I’m taking crazy pills!” (Zoolander)

• “Not you, Fat Jesus.” (The Hangover)
• “We’re police officers! We’re not trained to handle this kind of violence.” (Demolition Man)
• “Those aren’t pillows!” (Planes, Trains, and Automobiles)
• “I have strong feelings about gun control. If there’s a gun around, I want to be controlling it.” (Pink Cadillac)
• “Be the ball.” (Caddyshack)
• “They’ve done studies, you know. Sixty percent of the time, it works every time.” (Anchorman)
• “This definitely rates about a 9.0 on my weird-shit-o-meter.” (Men in Black)
• “Shut the fuck up, Donny.” (The Big Lebowski)
• “This one goes to 11.” (Spinal Tap)
• “Winners go home and fuck the prom queen.” (The Rock)

• “Do you know how hard it is to find a decent man in this town? Most of them think monogamy is some kind of wood.” (The Mask)
• “I was born a poor black child.” (The Jerk)
• “It ain’t white boy day, is it?” (True Romance)
• “Two thousand dollars for ice? I can get an Eskimo for two hundred dollars and make my own ice.” (Horse Feathers)
• “I don’t want to buy or sell anything that’s processed.” (Say Anything)
• “I hate you, and I hate your ass face.” (Waiting for Guffman)
• “If I’m not back in five minutes…wait longer.” (Ace Ventura, Pet Detective)

As you might have guessed, I love movie quotes. Funny and outrageous quotes are the best, but browsing the “movie quotes” section here at OGM will turn up posts dedicated to everything from movies quotes about life to movie quotes about love. And, yes, you can quote me on that.

• “My mama always said life was like a box of chocolates, never know what you’re gonna get.” (Forrest Gump)
• “Get busy livin’, or get busy dyin’.” (The Shawshank Redemption)
• “Carpe diem. Seize the day, boys. Make your lives extraordinary.“ (Dead Poet’s Society)
• “And our bodies are earth. And our thoughts are clay. And we sleep and eat with death.” (All Quiet on the Western Front)

• “Do, or do not. There is no try.” (The Empire Strikes Back)
• “Life is not the amount of breaths you take. It’s the moments that take your breath away” (Hitch)
• “Well, it’s not the men in your life that counts, it’s the life in your men.” (I’m No Angel)
• “Better to be king for a night than schmuck for a lifetime.” (The King of Comedy)
• “The saddest thing in life is wasted talent.” (A Bronx Tale)
• “Well, I’ve wrestled with reality for thirty-five years, Doctor, and I’m happy to state I finally won out over it.” (Harvey)
• “Every man dies, but not every man really lives.” (Braveheart)
• “The list is an absolute good. The list is life.” (Schindler’s List)

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• “You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view, until you climb inside of his skin and walk around in it.” (To Kill a Mockingbird)
• “Life is a banquet, and most poor suckers are starving to death!” (Auntie Mame)
• “We all go a little mad sometimes.” (Psycho)
• “Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.” (Ferris Bueller’s Day Off)

• “I’m as mad as hell, and I’m not going to take this anymore!“ (Network)
• “Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life, son.” (National Lampoon’s Animal House)
• “They may take away our lives, but they’ll never take our freedom.” (Braveheart)
• “L-I-V-E! Live! Otherwise, you got nothing to talk about in the locker room.” (Harold and Maude)
• “You don’t understand! I coulda had class. I coulda been a contender. I could’ve been somebody, instead of a bum, which is what I am.“ (On the Waterfront)
• “Sometimes there’s so much beauty in the world I feel like I can’t take it, like my heart’s going to cave in.” (American Beauty)
• “In spite of everything, I still believe that people are really good at heart.” (The Diary of Anne Frank)
• “To God, there is no zero. I still exist.” (The Incredible Shrinking Man)
• “Life will find a way.” (Jurassic Park)

This concludes our list of 25 movie quotes about life. I hope you’ve found a few phrases to inspire you, or at the very least bring a smile to your face.

The subject of love is a popular topic in Hollywood, and those who take a minute to reflect will likely recall a few favorites lines on the subject. But even if you draw a blank, there’s no reason to panic; I’ve culled together some of the best examples of movie quotes about love, and they’re listed below.

• “I’m scared of walking out of this room and never feeling the rest of my whole life the way I feel when I’m with you.” (Dirty Dancing)
• “I promise I’ll come back for you. I promise I’ll never leave you.” (The English Patient)
• “Maybe it is our imperfections which make us so perfect for one another.” (Emma)
• “I love you even when you’re sick and look disgusting.” (Love Actually)
• “You had me at ‘Hello’.” (Jerry Maguire)
• “I would rather share one lifetime with you than face all the ages of this world alone.” (The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring)

• “It’s amazing, Molly. The love inside, you take it with you.” (Ghost)
• “That’s what I love about these high school girls, man. I keep getting older, they stay the same age.” (Dazed and Confused)
• “I hate the way you talk to me, and the way you cut your hair. I hate the way you drive my car. I hate it when you stare. I hate your big dumb combat boots, and the way you read my mind. I hate you so much it makes me sick; it even makes me rhyme. I hate it, I hate the way you’re always right. I hate it when you lie. I hate it when you make me laugh, even worse when you make me cry. I hate it that you’re not around, and the fact that you didn’t call. But mostly I hate the way I don’t hate you. Not even close, not even a little bit, not even at all.” (10 Things I Hate About You)
• “I love you. You…you complete me.” (Jerry Maguire)
• “I want the fairy tale.” (Pretty Woman)
• “You make me want to be a better man.” (As Good as It Gets)
• “I gave her my heart, and she game me a pen.” (Say Anything)
• “I may not be a smart man, but I know what love is.” (Forrest Gump)
• “You aren’t too bright. I like that in a man.” (Body Heat)
• “Well, nobody’s perfect.” (Some Like It Hot)
• “I think people should mate for life, like pigeons or Catholics.” (Manhattan)

• “Here’s looking at you, kid.” (Casablanca)
• “I’ll remember you, honey. You’re the one that got away.” (Hud)
• “Not much meat on her, but what’s there is choice.” (Pat and Mike)
• “His eyes have made love to me all evening.” (Camille)
• “I do not know how to kiss, or I would kiss you. Where do the noses go?” (For Whom the Bell Tolls)
• “Don’t knock masturbation. It’s sex with someone I love.” (Annie Hall)
• “Ninotchka, it’s midnight. One half of Paris is making love to the other half.” (Ninotchka)
• “I love you. You’re my only reason to stay alive…if that’s what I am.” (The Twilight Saga: New Moon)
• “Love means never having to say you’re sorry.” (Love Story)
• “You stay alive, no matter what occurs! I will find you. No matter how long it takes, no matter how far, I will find you.” (The Last of the Mohicans)
• “I love him because he’s the kind of guy who gets drunk on a glass of buttermilk, and I love the way he blushes right up over his ears. I love him because he doesn’t know how to kiss, the jerk!” (Ball of Fire)

• “Mrs. Robinson, you’re trying to seduce me…Aren’t you?” (The Graduate)
• “I love that after I spend day with you, I can still smell your perfume on my clothes. And I love that you are the last person I want to talk to before I go to sleep at night. And it’s not because I’m lonely, and it’s not because it’s New Year’s Eve. I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.” (When Harry Met Sally)
• “I was born when she kissed me. I died when she left me. I lived a few weeks while she loved me.” (In a Lonely Place)
• “I’d love to kiss you, but I just washed my hair.” (Cabin in the Cotton)
• “I love you. I’ve loved you since the first moment I saw you. I guess maybe I’ve even loved you before I saw you.” (A Place in the Sun)
• “Listen to me, mister. You’re my knight in shining armor. Don’t you forget it. You’re going to get back on that horse, and I’m going to be right behind you, holding on tight, and away we’re gonna go, go, go!” (On Golden Pond)
• “I believe in long, slow, deep, soft, wet kisses that last three days.” (Bull Durham)
• “Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, she walks into mine.” (Casablanca)
• “Georgia, love is for the very young.” (The Bad and the Beautiful)
• “Oh, Frank, my lips are hot. Kiss my hot lips.” (M*A*S*H*)
• “We’ll always have Paris.” (Casablanca)

In addition to containing some fine movie quotes about love, the films listed above are also guaranteed to put you in a more amorous state of mind. And if your significant other isn’t the type to remember cinematic dialogue, you can always steal a few of these and pass them off as your own.

I tried to resist putting together a massive list of 101 Charlie Sheen quotes, I really did. Unfortunately, Sheen just keeps popping up on the airwaves dropping increasingly winning words of wisdom. At a point, I was left with no option but to spread his teachings to the masses.

If you’ve never witnessed crazy in action, you’re about to make up for lost time. From informing us about the tiger blood pumping through his veins to extolling the virtues of Eminem’s lyrics, Sheen has embarked on a self-delusion spree that’s more epic than Ben-Hur and Lawrence of Arabia combined. Now that I think of it, I’ll bet Sheen had a little something to do with those Hollywood classics. After all, a little known advantage of Adonis DNA is the ability to travel through time. And, yes, Sheen nailed Cleopatra and Marilyn Monroe in a threesome. It’s called “winning,” bro.

While most of these Charlie Sheen quotes are taken from recent television appearances, others stretch back for many years. It shouldn’t be difficult to tell one from the other, though, as the recent blurbs will be the ones that cause your brain to melt from sheer awesomeness.

1. “Just sit back and enjoy the show.”
2. “I have cleansed myself. I closed my eyes and in a nanosecond, I cured myself.”
3. “I closed my eyes and made it so with the power of my mind, and unlearned 22 years of fiction, the fiction of AA. It’s a silly book written by a broken-down fool.”
4. I’m different. I have a different brain, I have a different heart… I got tiger blood, man.”
5. “Well, we couldn’t really call it rehab because we didn’t have a license to operate one, so it was a crisis management centre that we labelled the Sober Valley Lodge. Its primary client achieved radical success.”
6. “I’m so tired of pretending like my life isn’t just perfect and just winning every second, and I’m not perfect and bitching and just delivering the goods at every frickin’ turn.”
7. “You have the right to kill me, but you do not have the right to judge me. Boom. That’s the whole movie. That’s life.”
8. “Most of the time–and this includes naps–I’m an F-18, bro. And I will destroy you in the air.”
9. “‘Don’t be special, be one of us.’ Newsflash: I am special, and I will never be one of you!”
10. “My man is an uppercase, George C. Scott HARDCORE”
11. “It`s hard to be specific about what parts I may have lost. But ultimately, it`s what I`m known for.”
12. “Your perimeter’s been breached. You got work to do bro.”
13. “They can’t hang with me. Their bones would melt like wax.”
14. “It’s been a tsunami of media and I’ve been riding it on a mercury surfboard.”
15. “You see, my brother [Emilio Estevez] didn`t go as nuts as I did when he started getting that first taste of it all. I just thought that`s what you`re supposed to do. You become a fucking overnight success and suddenly everything`s free.”
16. “Everybody has a black belt and carries a gun. I don’t mess with people.”
17. “Clearly I have defeated this earthworm with my words, imagine what I would have done with my fire-breathing fists.”
18. “I’m tired of pretending I’m not a total, bitchin’ rock star from Mars.”
19. “I could say: Hey kids your dad’s a rockstar.”
20. “Come Wednesday morning, they’re gonna name it ‘Charlie Brothers,’ not Warner Brothers, DUH. Winning. And it’s not convincing anybody. It’s like guys, it’s right there. IMDB. 62 movies. A ton of success. I mean, come on bro, I won best picture at 20. I wasn’t even trying. Wasn’t even warm.”
21. “AA was written for normal people. People that don’t have tiger blood and Adonis DNA.”
22. “This is me not on drugs, bro.”
23. “I look like a gangster? Well, I feel like a gangster.”
24. “I don`t really hang out with a lot of people anymore. In the past I always had to surrounded myself with a crowd. Today, I just don`t need it. But while my life might seem dull to some, it`s exciting to me. That`s because through my sobriety, I`m finally able to enjoy a level of serenity that I`ve witnessed in other people but never had myself. And that kind of self-contentment can`t be purchased or acquired. It has to be earned. I`m trying to earn it. Everyday.”
25. “The only thing I’m addicted to is winning.”
26. “I am on a drug. It’s called Charlie Sheen. It’s not available because if you try it once your face will melt off and your children will weep over your exploded body.”
27. “What was she doing with a shrimp fork in her purse?”
28. “Sorry man, didn’t make the rules.”
29. “The last time I took drugs I probably took more that anyone could survive.”
30. “There is a fine line between confidence and cockiness. And when you lose sight of what side you`re walking on, that`s when you are in trouble.”
31. “They lay down with their ugly wives in front of their ugly children and just look at their loser lives and then they look at me and they say, ‘I can’t process it!’”
32. “I’m going to hang out with these two smoooooking hotties and fly privately around the world.”
33. “I’m not Thomas Jefferson. He was a pussy.”
34. “If you borrowed my brain for five seconds, you’d be like, ‘Dude! Can’t handle it, unplug this bastard!’ It fires in a way that’s maybe not from, uh…this terrestrial realm.”
35. “Top Gun rockstar. Awesome.”
36. “I`m personally trying to change my image and change things about myself but they don`t want to let it die. I guess there are more sales in controversy. They should change the title of Hard Copy to Hard Charlie or Sheen Copy, Christ I`m on there twice a week I should get some royalties maybe.”
37. “They couldn’t extinguish my pilot light. And that was a mistake.”
38. “I am battle tested bayonets!”
39. “Public speaking is a tremendous fear of mine. The Tonight Show, David Letterman. I would always do a few shots or take an anti-whatever, some prescription relaxation deal and go out there and just kind of just flow with it.”
40. “It’s a metaphor for having absolute rocket fuel in my veins.”
41. “I’m a runaway freakin juggernaut.”
42. “I’m 45, I’ve got five kids, and I’ve been dumped on for too long.”
43. “I’m entertained as hell. I’m not saying that it’s not true, but I’m saying I’m laughing. And I’m laughing with the goddesses; I’m laughing with my friends.”
44. “Celebrate this movement.”
45. “I’m not recovering like some pussy.”
46. “People say it’s lonely at the top, but I sure like the view.”
47. “Don’t be worried, don’t be worried. I am grandiose because I live a grandiose life; what’s wrong with that?”
48. “Bring me a freakin challenge somebody.”
49. “You should have read the directions before you came to the party.”
50. “Work fuels the soul.”
51. “In sobriety they teach you to think the drink through. Don`t just think about having the drink and how good it`s going to feel. Think through to the next morning, how it`s going to influence you, the shame, how it`s going to trigger the domino effect.”
52. “The hardest were those first 30 days sober. Then, three months and six months. But if I compare the amount of time I`ve been sober to the amount of time I`ve partied, well, let`s just say I`ve still got a lot of catching up to do.”
53. “I’m sorry man…I got magic and I got poetry in my fingertips.”
54. “I dare you to keep up with me.”
55. “Basically, they strapped on their diapers.”
56. “Faith is for winners. Hope is for losers.”
57. “There is such a thing as too much fun. It gets redundant. How many times can you wake up and struggle to remember your name, her name and where you are?”
58. “One of my favorite poets is Eminem.”
59. “[Studios] won`t hire you, even though you screwed the same whores and ate the bullet for it. Yet they pull you aside at a party and say you`re their hero for the things you do.”
60. “I’ve got three words for him: Am. A. Teur.”
61. “There are parts of me that are Dennis Hopper.”
62. “One of my fondest memories is when Slash, from Guns N` Roses, sat me down at his house and said, `You`ve got to clean up your act.` You know you`ve gone too far when Slash is saying, `Look, you`ve got to get into rehab, you have to shut it down.’”
63. “I dare anyone to debate me on things.”
64. “I don’t think I’m a romantic sex symbol, but I think I’m ruggedly handsome.”
65. “I can’t make up a hernia. That’s just lame.”
66. “I nearly died, which is about as bad as you can get. I`m totally convinced that drugs and alcohol brought me very close to death two or three times, and it`s more luck than anything else that I`m still alive.”
67. “We work for the Pope.”
68. “We’re Vatican assassins. How complicated can it be?”
69. “I did that garbage film with my brother (Men at Work (1990)) That didn`t work. I did an action movie Navy Seals (1990). That didn`t work. I did a buddy cop picture (The Rookie (1990)) with Clint Eastwood. I figured that one was a shoo-in. It was an honor to work with Clint. I don`t know what happened. I must have caught him one movie to early. Not to make excuses, but 600,000 of Clint`s biggest fans were in the Persian Gulf fighting a war when The Rookie (1990) came out. That`s a poor excuse for a flop, isn`t it?”
70. “Look at these sad trolls.”
71. “Ambien. Hello. Ambien. Hello. The devil’s aspirin.”
72. “The only thing I got excited about was catching the last drop of blood just before his beheaded silly dome made contact with my beautiful wooden floor in my home in front of my children.”
73. “If people could just read behind the hieroglyphic.”
74. “I have one speed, one gear: go.”
75. “All my guy friends are gonna like throw tomatoes at me. It’s like an organic union of the hearts.”
76. “At age 16. I was arrested for possession of marijuana. Then I was arrested again a year later for this five-day crime spree, where I`d go to the Beverly Hills Hotel and tell people that I`d been a guest and lost my term paper. They`d let me look through the trash, where I`d find all these credit-card receipts and use the numbers to make phone orders.”
77. “I have to right this unconscionable wrong. Many people are suffering. And I’m the only guy who can affect the change.”
78. “I have spent I think close to the last decade effortlessly and magically converting your tin cans into pure gold.”
79. “I have 12 tattoos, and I wish I hadn`t gotten so many now. It`s hard when you have to take your shirt off two hours in make-up and it doesn`t cover them.”
80. “I use a blender. I use a vacuum cleaner.”
81. “Why give an interview when you can leave a warning?”
82. “What’s not to love? Especially when you see how I party, it was epic. The run I was on made Sinatra, Flynn, Jagger, Richards and all of them look like droopy-eyed armless children.”
83. “I’m a peaceful man with bad intentions.”
84. “Can’t is the Cancer of Happen.”
85. “I healed in like two days.”
86. “Duh, anybody who wants to ignore it deserves to have their privates fondled by some clown that worked at Wal-mart seven minutes before that.”
87. “I’m proud of what I created. It was Radical.”
88. “I’m on a quest to claim absolute victory on every front.”
89. “I was disappointed. I think people misinterpret my passion for anger.”
90. “I’m not ‘aw shucks’. Because I’m gnarly.”
91. “People can’t figure me out, they can’t process me, I don’t expect them to. You can’t process me with the normal brain.”
92. “I’m just that god damn bitchin and interesting.”
93. “You, sir, are obviously a coward in a cheap suit.”
94. “Oh, that. I just do that for the extra money, and to satisfy my male need to kill and win.”
95. “I’m extremely old-fashioned. I’m a nobleman. I’m chivalrous.”
96. “It’s perfect. It’s awesome. Every day is just filled with just wins. All we do is put wins in the record books. We win so radically in our underwear before our first cup of coffee, it’s scary.”
97. “I literally woke up and it was Christmas.”
98. “If you’re a part of my family, I will love you violently. If you infiltrate and try to hurt my family, I will murder you violently.”
99. “There’s my life. Deal with it. Oh, wait, can’t process it? LOSERS.”
100. “I don’t know, winning, anyone? Rhymes with winning? Anyone? Yeah, that would be us.”
101. “I don’t think people are ready for the message I’m delivering.”

That concludes our list of 101 Charlie Sheen quotes. Now that you’ve finished, I hope you realize the sheer futility in messing with the Sheenster. The man is winning, bro, winning. Attempting to interfere with the aforementioned winning will result in your getting shot out of the sky by an F-18 that looks an awful lot like Charlie Sheen. Just like that pussy Thomas Jefferson.

The following article details many of the features you can find on IMDb, although additional exploration on your part will turn up even more. Just be careful about popping onto the site during work hours, as it’s truly an addictive experience.

HOME PAGE

When you first type in www.IMDB.com, you’ll end up on the site’s home page. Here are the features that await you there:

• Featured Trailers – The latest and most popular trailers from the IMDb.
• Movie Showtimes and Tickets – Pick a date, pick a movie, and see all the showtimes for theaters in your area.
• NewsDesk - News from the world of entertainment. You can choose from Top News, Movie News, TV News, and Celebrity News.
• Box Office – A look at the recent top performers at the box office, including their most recent weekend gross.
• Opening This Week – A list (with links) of all the films opening this week.
• Coming Soon – A list (with links) of all the upcoming theatrical releases.
• IMDb Snapshot: Latest Photos and Galleries – Still photos from current and upcoming films, as well as movie poster art.
• Born Today – A list of celebrities who were born on the current date. Includes a picture and their age.
• This Week on DVD and Blu-ray – A rundown of all the film that will be hitting your local video store or Netflix.
• About Last Night: TV Recaps – Rundowns of all the latest episodes of your favorite TV show.
• On TV Tonight – An up-to-the-minute schedule of all the major networks and cable channels.
• Indie Film – Watch independent film trailers, discuss indie cinema, and read about the latest independent news.
• Daily Poll Question – Each day, a question is posted for viewers to respond to.
• Movie/TV Quote – A popular or memorable quote for a movie or television show.
• Gallery of the Week – A collection of photos, often involving actors and actresses at film premieres or festivals.
• Did You Know? – An interesting bit of trivia relating to movies or television.
• IMDb Hit List – Links to online articles about cinema, television, and celebrities in general.
• Connect with IMDb – If you’d like to follow IMDb on Twitter or Facebook, here’s the place to do it.

IMDb Homepage Additional Content

But that’s not all of the goodness located on the IMDb homepage. At the top of the page are six sections with dropdown menus. Here’s what’s available in each section:

MOVIES

• Now Playing
• Top Movies
• Showtimes & Tickets
• Trailers
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• Top 250
• Site Index
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• TV Home
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SEARCH BAR – Individual Pages for Film, TV, and Celebrities

This may be the best part of the Internet Movie Database. Type the name of any celebrity, television show, or movie into the search bar, and you’ll be taken to a unique page for that item. Let’s look at an example using one of my favorite movies Big Trouble in Little China.

Beneath the title of the film is a selection of photos from the movie, 29 to be exact. Next to that are videos, allowing the user to watch the movie trailer or various clips from the actual film. Then there’s the section called Overview, which provides the following sub-categories:

• User Rating (Big Trouble in Little China has a user rating of 7.1 out of 10)
• MOVIE Meter (detects if a film is trending upward or downward)
• Director
• Writers
• Contact (contact info for the company, available only through IMDbPro)
• Release Date
• Genre
• Tagline
• Plot
• Plot Keywords
• Awards
• NewsDesk
• User Reviews

CAST

Next is the Cast section, providing a list of all the actors to appear in the film. I wonder whatever happened to co-star Dennis Dunn? Actually, I can click on his hyperlinked name and find out. The same goes for almost all the other cast members.

ADDITIONAL DETAILS

• Also Known As
• Parents Guide
• Runtime
• Country
• Language
• Color
• Aspect Ratio
• Sound Mix
• Certification
• Filming Locations
• Company

FUN STUFF

• Trivia
• Goofs
• Quotes
• Movie Connections
• Soundtrack

FAQ

A section that answers frequently asked questions about the movie, such as the final fate of Jack Burton.

USER REVIEWS

Read part of a user review, and click on the link to see additional reviews. As of this writing, Big Trouble in Little China has 263 reviews from IMDb users.

MESSAGE BOARDS

A place where IMDb users can discuss the subject of the specific page. In this case, topics range from “Things I’ve Learned from BTILC” to “Is This Deserving to Be Called the Greatest B-Film Ever?”.

RECOMMENDATIONS

If you enjoyed the film, IMDb also provides a list of other movies you might enjoy. In this case, it’s Willow, The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King, Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom, as well as a few others.

OTHER OPTIONS

But that’s just scratching the surface. Down the left of the page, there are tons of additional links. Here are just a few of the features available:

• TV Schedule
• Full Cast and Crew
• Trivia
• Memorable Quotes
• Awards
• External Reviews
• Soundtrack Listing
• Movie Connections
• Box Office/Business
• Taglines
• Official Sites
• Sound Clips

MOVIE RANKINGS

Another popular feature of Internet Movie Database is the movie rankings. The largest option is the IMDb Top 250, which lists the 250 highest-rated movies of all time as voted on by users of the site. Other categories include:

• US Box Office
• UK Box Office
• All-Time Box Office
• Video Rentals
• Votes by Genre
• Votes by Decade
• Votes by Gender
• Top Genre Searches

And to top it all off, another feature allows visitors to the IMDb to search for the lowest-rated films of all times. I’m talking to you Santa Claus Conquers the Martians.

There’s plenty more to be found on the Internet Movie Database, but I’ve droned on long enough. Almost all of what I’ve discussed above is free, and joining the subscription-based IMDbPro will open up a whole other world (complete with contact info for agents and publicists). If your business actually involves cinema, TV, or celebrities on some level, you’ll find IMDbPro to be an indispensable tool.

Also recommended:

• IMDb Best Movies in the Western Genre
• IMDb Best Movies in the Horror Genre
• IMDb Best Movies in the Comedy Genre

“No potential.” (Lindsay Lohan after reading the script for The Hangover and passing on the role of Jade)

“I want to get married before I’m 30. And I’d like to win an Oscar before then.”

“Life is full of risks anyway, why not take them?”

“I love my red hair. It makes me spunkier.”

“I feel a bit classier with this hair.” (after becoming a brunette)

“I would go to NYU. I’m a New York girl, and it’s easy to get to London and L.A. from here.” (Lindsay Lohan quote about going to college)

“You need to stop acting like the damn drama queen.” (Lohan to Hilary Duff)

“I love you Hilary Duff!”

“I’m an angel compared to some of my friends.”

“It’s so weird that I went to rehab. I always said I would die before I went to rehab.”

“I don’t like to talk about politics. If you say you’re a Democrat, that’ll turn off Republicans, and that’s half of your fan base.”

“Never say never. The things that you don’t plan are the best. I’m a very spontaneous person.”

“When someone tells me not to do something, I’ll do it more.” (Lindsay Lohan quote about her stubborn streak)

“It is clear to me that my life has become completely unmanageable because I am addicted to alcohol and drugs.” (A statement from Lindsay Lohan about her various addictions)

“My mom is going to kill me for talking about sleeping with people. But I don’t want to put myself in the position where I’m in a monogamous relationship right now. I’m not dating just one person. Sex and the City changed everything for me because those girls would sleep with so many people.”

“Marriage is a big deal, but who’s to say I’m not going to pull a Vegas and get married to see what it’s like for a minute?”

“Jared [Leto] was so paranoid. He’d always be like, ‘Don’t come over if you’re going to bring 15 paparazzi!’” (Lindsay Lohan commenting on her former relationship with Jared Leto)

“It’s absolute hell. I’m not a bad person, and this is what happens. I was raised to treat people well, and I’m so tired of this drama. They’re making me sound like I’m crazy…I’m the girl that wakes up to feed the dog. It’s not fair…everyone’s turned on me. I’m the victim here. I am so alone.” (Lohan on her breakup with Samantha Ronson)

“When I’m walking down the red carpet and everybody is screaming my name, all I’m doing is worrying that they’re thinking, like, ‘Oh, she didn’t wave at me, she’s such a bitch!’”

“How can you not like Britney Spears?”

“Girls my age dress so much raunchier than I’d ever imagine myself dressing. I understand that I’m a role model, though, and I have to look out for that. I have a 10-year-old sister, too. But you also want to be appealing to guys and stuff, that’s just something girls feel. It’s hard. You want to be that girl that’s unattainable to all the guys because there are so many other girls out there that are like that.”

“It’s flattering that people want to know so much about me and want to take the time to make up that many things about me.”

“The first colored President.” (A Lindsay Lohan quote referring to President Barack Obama)

“I don’t even know how to take a break, because I go crazy. I just sit in a room and I don’t know what to do. I went to the Metropolitan Museum and just sat there. But they didn’t take any pictures of that, which sucks, because that would have been more interesting than pictures of me coming out of a club.”

“I’m not skinny for the wrong reasons. It’s not because I’m bulimic or anorexic or doing drugs. Compared to a lot of actresses my age, I’m actually overweight.” (One of the most disturbing Lindsay Lohan quotes)

“Why would I hang out with you?” (Lindsay’s text reply to Kevin Federline’s invitation to hang out.)

“I’m not going to deny the fact that I’ve tried pot. I hated it.”

“Hopefully people know me for my work – not my car accidents.”

“I’m not doing Playboy, no. Never.” (One of the many Lindsay Lohan quotes from 2004)

“I talk about my impulses with my therapist — I have a shopping problem. I love to shop too much.”

“I don’t want to keep doing all commercial stuff. But timing is everything. I got this one script where this girl wants to join a Latino gang and she gets raped. I can’t be doing that right now. I don’t think that’s appropriate.”

“I did get to work with Anthony Hopkins on The Human Stain. If I ever manage to accomplish a quarter of what he’s achieved, I’ll have had one hell of a career.” (Lindsay speaking about her acting role models)

“I’m not that girl from Freaky Friday any more! I’m a real adult. In fact, I hate children! I hate them all!”

“I was going out with someone and they said I should read Machiavelli and I was like, ‘Nah’, and then I was, ‘Ok, I’ll read it’, and now it is always with me.”

“The biggest misconception is probably that I don’t have my head in the right place.”

“Yeah, I have a dark side. I watched all those videos on Charles Manson for a while.”

“People go to college to find who they are as a person and find what they want to do in life, and I kind of already know that so it would be like I’d be taking a step back or something.”

“I was sick. I had people sit me down and say, ‘You’re going to die if you don’t take care of yourself.’”

“If I dated as many people as they said I have, then I would be dead, because it’s just not possible.”

“I want to go to Egypt and Japan and open orphanages — a chain of them.”

“I hate it when people call me a teen queen. The past year has felt like five lifetimes because I’ve grown up a lot.” (Lindsay Lohan from her days as a teen queen)

“I have this Playboy book called Redheads, and I was reading all these things about how redheads are more passionate and apparently they’re much more sexual than girls with other hair colors. I think I’m more sexual than my friends. More comfortable in my skin. I’m a sexual person, definitely.”

“It’s hard in L.A. not to go out, it gets lonely. Being an actress is lonely, and I never want to be alone. I hate sleeping alone.”

“I’m Irish-Italian, so I’ve got a really bad temper.”

“I say too much sometimes, but I’m honest, that’s the important thing.”

“I want to get a nomination. I want to win an Oscar. I want to be known for more than, like, going out. For being ‘the party girl.’ I hate that. I bust my ass when I’m filming and when I have time off, yeah, I like to go out and dance.”

“I wanted to do what Marilyn Monroe did [during the Korean War], when she went and just set up a stage and did a concert for the troops all by herself. It’s so amazing seeing that– one woman just going somewhere, this beautiful sex kitten, who’s basically a pinup, which is what I’ve always aspired to be.” (Lohan on her admiration for Marilyn Monroe)

“I want our relationship to be like the one Martin Scorsese and Leonardo DiCaprio have.” (Lohan speaking about the director of I Know Who Killed Me. One of my favorite Lindsay Lohan quotes.)

“I don’t think people should do anything to be popular. But maybe within reason they can step out of their comfort zones and do things to be more ‘accessible’. Like taking drugs or drinking heavily to be cool.”

So that’s our list of Lindsay Lohan quotes. Some are unintentionally hilarious, some are sad, and others just show LiLo to be an immature girl surrounded by predatory paparazzi. Whatever the case, it’s a fascinating look into the mind of a celebrity. For more of the same, be sure to check out our following links from Only Good Movies:

• Best Quotes from 2010 Oscars
• Best Movie Quotes
• Mel Gibson Quotes

So curl up with your favorite racist alcoholic and check out this list of 40 Mel Gibson quotes. The curse words have been edited for our more sensitive readers, although it’s still clear what they mean. Enjoy the show, sugar tits.

“They take it up the ass. [Pointing at his rear] This is only for taking a sh*t.“ (Mel Gibson discussing gays in a 1991 interview with Spanish newspaper El Pais)

“But with this look, who’s going to think I’m gay? It would be hard to take me for someone like that. Do I sound like a homosexual? Do I talk like them? Do I move like them?” (In the same El Pais interview, Gibson discusses the perception that many actors in Hollywood are gay)

“I’ve been chased by automobiles doing dangerous things on the freeway. People have tried to spit on me. It’s made me totally paranoid. One day a gay group confronted me. They had signs, they were screaming and frothing at the mouth–pure hatred. It was wild.” (Mel Gibson discussing the fallout over his El Pais interview)

“I shouldn’t have said it, but I was tickling a bit of vodka during that interview, and the quote came back to bite me on the ass.” (Another Gibson comment on the controversial El Pais interview)

“F**king Jews…the Jews are responsible for all the wars in the world. Are you a Jew?” (Mel Gibson to a policeman after being pulled over for DUI in 2006)

“I acted like a person completely out of control when I was arrested and said things that I do not believe to be true and which are despicable. The arresting officer was just doing his job, and I feel fortunate that I was apprehended before I caused injury to any other person. I disgraced myself and my family with my behavior and for that I am truly sorry. I have battled with the disease of alcoholism for all of my adult life and profoundly regret my horrific relapse.” (Gibson speaking about his alcoholism relapse)

“It’s said that I went into a rant, but I think it went on for about five words. I was drunk. It just turned into a big thing. I apologized profusely–not once but three times. So what’s the problem? It’s four years ago. Do I need to apologize again?” (Gibson on his anti-Semitic comments during his 2006 DUI arrest)

“Buns of steel…I’d steal her buns if I could.” (Mel Gibson as Nick Marshall from What Women Want)

“You’re an embarrassment to me, you look like a f**king pig in heat, and if you get raped by a pack of ni**ers, it will be your fault.” (Gibson giving fashion advice to ex-girlfriend Oksana Grigorieva)

“Obviously, nobody wants to touch something filmed in two dead languages. They think I’m crazy, and maybe I am. But maybe I’m a genius.” (Gibson discussing The Passion of the Christ)

“Look what you did to me…look what you are…look what every part of you is…fucking fake…fucking fake…You are the most synthetic person…who the fuck are you?” (Gibson during a recorded phone call with ex Oksana Grigorieva)

“Every man dies, not every man really lives.” (Gibson as William Wallace from Braveheart)

“If you’re going to wear three hats, you’d better grow two more heads.” (Gibson discussing his role as actor/director/producer during Braveheart)

“When all’s said and done, I did a pretty good hatchet job on my marriage. I’m to blame, if you’re inclined to judge.” (Gibson on the end of his 29-year marriage)

“I am going to come and burn the f**king house down…but you will blow me first.” (Gibson to ex Oksana Grigorieva)

“I will report her to the f**king people that take f**king money from the wetbacks.” (Gibson discusses an employee over the phone with ex-girlfriend Oksana Grigorieva)

“I’ll tell you what I did need to learn was tolerance, and I think I’ve been actually given a daily opportunity to practice that, and it’s…it’s…and I know that that sounds almost like a backhanded slap, and it is in a way because I haven’t been successful at it every day.” (Mel Gibson on tolerance)

“I’ll apologize when hell freezes over. They can f**k off.” (Gibson in a 1995 Playboy interview, discussing whether or not he would apologize to gays and lesbians for homophobic comments)

“I had really good highs but some very low lows. I found out recently I’m manic depressive.” (Gibson in 2002)

“When I was 19, I did a guy in Laos from a thousand yards out. It was a rifle shot in high wind. Maybe eight or even ten guys in the world could have made that shot. It’s the only thing I was ever good at.” (Gibson as Martin Riggs in Lethal Weapon)

“Feminists don’t like me, and I don’t like them. I don’t get their point. I don’t know why feminists have it out for me, but that’s their problem, not mine.”

“I am one tough motherf**ker and you can’t bother me anymore. You ask anybody what their number one fear is and it’s public humiliation. Multiply that on a global scale and that’s what I’ve been through. It changes you and makes you one tough motherf**ker. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.” (Mel Gibson about being publicly being raked over the coals for his behavior)

“Acting is like lying. The art of lying well. I’m paid to tell elaborate lies.”

“How dare you act like such a bitch when I have been so f**king nice?” (Gibson during an argument with Oksana Grigorieva)

“I’m not a done deal. I’m a work in progress. I’m still extremely flawed.” (Gibson discussing his religious beliefs)

“What’s the difference between a wife and a job? After 10 years, a job still sucks.” (Gibson as Nick Marshall from What Women Want)

“I want to kill him…I want his intestines on a stick…I want to kill his dog.” (Gibson discussing Frank Rich, a New York Times reporter who was critical of The Passion of the Christ)

“If I’ve still got my pants on in the second scene, I think they’ve sent me the wrong script.” (Gibson discussing his process for choosing scripts)

“The Holy Ghost was working through me on this film, and I was just directing traffic.” (Gibson on making The Passion of the Christ)

“I own Malibu…I am going to f**k you.” (Gibson to his arresting officer during the infamous 2006 DUI incident)

“After about 20 years of marriage, I’m finally starting to scratch the surface of what women want. And I think the answer lies somewhere between conversation and chocolate.” (Gibson on women and marriage, nine years before filing for divorce)

“Aye, fight and you may die. Run, and you’ll live…at least a while. And dying in your beds, many years from now, would you be willing’ to trade all the days, from this day to that, for one chance, just one chance, to come back here and tell our enemies that they may take our lives, but they’ll never take…OUR FREEDOM?!” (Gibson as William Wallace from Braveheart)

“You know what, you f**king deserved it.” (Gibson to ex-girlfriend Oksana Grigorieva when asked what kind of man would hit a woman holding a child)

“What I need to do to heal myself and to be assuring and allay the fears of others and to heal them if they had any heart wounds from something I may have said.”

“What do you think you’re looking at, sugar tits?” (Gibson to a female police officer after being arrested for DUI in 2006)

“I did have bodyguards for a little while, but it’s a drag. If your number’s up, its up. If I’m lying in bed and somebody comes into my room, I’ll either wake up or I won’t. And I’ll either hit ‘em with my big stick that I’ve got or my gun that I have stowed away…or they’ll hit me. Look, in this day and age, you’ve got to be tooled up.” (Gibson on self-defense)

“And, hey, I’m not under the illusion that everything’s just going to be hunky-dory work wise forever. I’ve never been under that illusion. Things could go away tomorrow.” (Gibson on the unpredictable nature of a Hollywood career)

“I don’t make things difficult. That’s the way they get, all by themselves.” (Gibson as Martin Riggs from Lethal Weapon)

“A woman should be home with the children, building that home and making sure there’s a secure family atmosphere.” (Gibson on a woman’s place in society)

“I don’t think of myself as either American or Australian, really. I’m a true hybrid. It’s a good thing for me because both of them are really good countries.”

If you’ve enjoyed this list of Mel Gibson quotes, check out these other posts at Only Good Movies:

• Steven Seagal Quotes
• Dennis Hopper Quotes
• Good Nicolas Cage Quotes

And don’t forget that you can rent Predator and its sequels from Netflix. Low prices, fast service, and a vast selection of titles. What else could you ask for? We do get a commission if you sign up, but it goes right back into the site. Besides, I’ve been a member since 2005, so I can attest to their quality.

Now onto my list of favorite Predator quotes…

“If it bleeds, we can kill it.” (Dutch from Predator)

“How do you say ‘scared shitless’ in Italian?” (Alexa ‘Lex’ Woods from Alien vs. Predator)

“Hey Billy. Billy! The other day, I went up to my girlfriend, I said, ‘Y’know I’d like a little pussy.’ She said, ‘Me too, mine’s as big as a house!’” (Hawkins from Predator)

“Payback time.” (Blain from Predator)

“Shit happens.” (The Predator from Predator 2)

“Billy. Billy! The other day, I was going down on my girlfriend, I said to her, ‘Jeez you got a big pussy. Jeez you got a big pussy.’ She said, ‘Why did you say that twice?’ I said, ‘I didn’t.’” (Hawkins from Predator)

[Shows a 3D image of a pyramid] “My experts tell me it’s a pyramid.” (Charles Bishop Weyland from Alien vs. Predator)

“Son of a bitch is dug in like an Alabama tick.” (Blain from Predator)

“What is this, the Titanic? Screw the women and children first shit, man.” (Drew from Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem)

[After his comrades turn down the offer of chewing tobacco] “Bunch of slack-jawed faggots around here. This stuff will make you a god damned sexual Tyrannosaurus, just like me.” (Blain from Predator)

[After a trap seems to fail to get the Predator‘s attention] “So, what are you gonna try next? Cheese?” (Dillon from Predator)

And my all-time favorite Predator quote…

“I ain’t got time to bleed.” (Blain from Predator)

I hope this list of Predator quotes brought back some fond memories of Carl Weathers, Jesse Ventura, Arnie, and even good ‘ol Danny Glover. If you enjoy movie quotes, give these other articles from Only Good Movies a try:

• 25 Good Movie Quotes
• The 100 Best Movie Quotes
• Best Movie Quotes of 2007

These 11 Dennis Hopper quotes are meant as a humble tribute to a man who entertained me for years, whether he was playing a sadistic villain or sympathetic drunkard. No matter what the role, Dennis Hopper brought a refreshing honesty to the part.

(Note: Sensitive readers may find a few of these quotes offensive, so please be warned. The one from True Romance contains the dreaded N-word, but I included it because it’s one of his best-remembered scenes in the last 20 years.)

• “Hey, man. All we represent to them, man, is somebody who needs a haircut.” (Billy from Easy Rider)
• “Hey, man, you don’t talk to the Colonel. You listen to him. The man’s enlarged my mind. He’s a poet warrior in the classic sense. I mean sometimes he’ll… uh… well, you’ll say ‘hello’ to him, right? And he’ll just walk right by you. He won’t even notice you. And suddenly he’ll grab you, and he’ll throw you in a corner, and he’ll say, ‘Do you know that ‘if’ is the middle word in life? If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs and blaming it on you, if you can trust yourself when all men doubt you’… I mean I’m… no, I can’t… I’m a little man, I’m a little man, he’s… he’s a great man! I should have been a pair of ragged claws scuttling across floors of silent seas…” (Photojournalist from Apocalypse Now)
• “No, your mother… is not crazy. And neither, contrary to popular belief, is your brother crazy. He’s merely miscast in a play. He was born in the wrong era, on the wrong side of the river… with the ability to be able to do anything that he wants to do and findin’ nothin’ that he wants to do. I mean nothing.” (Father from Rumble Fish)
• “I’m the Lord of the Harvest!” (“Lefty” Enright from The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2)
• “I killed a girl, it was no accident. Put a gun to the back of her head and blew her brains right out the front. I was in love.” (Feck from River’s Edge)
• “Fuck you, you fucking fuck!” (Frank Booth from Blue Velvet)
• “Alright, boys, this is the last shot we got! We’re gonna run the picket fence at ‘em! Jimmy, you’re solo right! Everett, Merle should be open on the other side of that fence! Now, boys, don’t get caught watchin’ the paint dry!” (Wilbur “Shooter” Flatch from Hoosiers)
• “I’ll kill that plumber.” (King Koopa from Super Mario Bros.)
• “Ya know, I read a lot. Especially about things… about history. I find that shit fascinating. Here’s a fact I don’t know whether you know or not. Sicilians were spawned by niggers.” (Clifford Worley from True Romance)
• “Pop quiz, hotshot. There’s a bomb on a bus. Once the bus goes 50 miles an hour, the bomb is armed. If it drops below 50, it blows up. What do you do? What do you do?” (Howard Payne from Speed)
• “You know, I thought you were stupid, friend. But I underestimated you; you’re a total freakin’ retard!” (Deacon from Waterworld)

I hope you’ve enjoyed these 11 Dennis Hopper quotes as much as I enjoyed watching all the films listed above. And as for Dennis Hopper…rest in peace, man.

Yes, Seagal has a band. They’re known as Thunderbox, and they present a blend of blues, world, and pop music. While I like to imagine that former action stars like Jeff Speakman and Brian Bosworth fill out the rhythm section, I’m pretty sure the guys are just normal musicians.

If you haven’t had a chance to hear Seagal play, just check out the album cover to Songs from the Crystal Cave below. I’m not sure where the Crystal Cave is, but I’m sure it’s filled with pain and the shattered bones of his enemies. By the way, you can click on the text or pic links in this article to be taken to Amazon. There, you’ll be able to buy all the Steven Seagal movies that you can stand. We do get a small commission for sending you there, but it doesn’t cost you anything extra.

And here are few other items you might be interested in:

• Steven Seagal Lawman: Complete Season One (Seagal has been volunteering as a law officer in New Orleans for over 20 years. Check out his adventures.)
• Mojo Priest (Another album from Seagal, this time featuring songs such as “Alligator Ass” and “She Dat Pretty.”
• Seagology: A Study of the Ass-Kicking Films of Steven Seagal (It’s written by a guy named Vern, so you know it’s got to be good.)

Actor Biography for Steven Seagal

I’m not going to launch into a two-page actor biography for Steven Seagal. Instead, I’m going to throw out some interesting facts and leave it at that. Here goes…

• Segal was the first foreigner to operate an aikido dojo in Japan.
• He made his first film, Above the Law, at the urging of talent agent Michael Ovitz, a former student at Seagal’s L.A. dojo.
• A supporter of the Dalai Lama.
• His films have made more than $920 million around the globe.
• Has dogs named Chaos, Tyson, Hamlet, Gruff, and Cole.
• Seagal has six children by three different women.
• No movie with Seagal has played at North American theaters since the early part of 2001. That will all change with the release of Robert Rodriguez’s Machete in 2010.
• Served as a martial arts coordinator for Never Say Never Again (with Sean Connery) in 1983. Screw you, Trebek!
• His father was a high school match teacher.
• Other names of Steven Seagal include Takeshigemichi, Albs Oft, and Chungdrag Dorje.

Steven Seagal Movie Quotes

The following Steven Seagal quotes have been taken from his various movies, and they provide a solid glimpse into the on-screen swagger demonstrated by this action star. While some are downright memorable, others are just plain awful. Either way, you won’t forget these words of wisdom anytime soon.

Nico Toscani from Above the Law: If I find out you’re lying, I’ll come back and kill you in your own kitchen.

Mason Storm from Hard to Kill: This is for my wife. Fuck you and die!

Jake Hopper from Belly of the Beast: I liked you a lot better as a bitch.

John Hatcher from Marked for Death: You fuck with my family, you die.

Jonathon Cold from The Foreigner: Don’t do that. If you touch it again, I will blow your 2-inch dick off.

Detective Gino Felino from Out for Justice: Now look, I’ll feed you every dope-dealing guy he’s got, but let me do it my way. Just give me an unmarked and a shotgun.

Casey Ryback from Under Siege: What kind of babbling bullshit is this?

Matt Connor from Pistol Whipped: Well, probably I would like you a lot less if you had a dick.

Casey Ryback from Under Siege: Krill’s a maniac! Go tell the captain he spit in my soup!

John Hatcher from Marked for Death: One thought he was invincible… the other thought he could fly. They were both wrong.

Jack Foster from Shadow Man: It ain’t over til the wolf howls.

Orin Boyd from Exit Wounds: What am I, a shit magnet?

Casey Ryback from Under Siege: Get my pies out of the oven!

Jack Taggert from Fire Down Below: Is this kind of like Deliverance or something?

Casey Ryback from Under Siege 2: Dark Territory: Nobody beats me in the kitchen.

Forrest Taft from On Deadly Ground: For 350,000 dollars, I’d fuck anything once.

Jack Cole from The Glimmer Man: If that’s the best you got, I’m just gonna have to kill you.

Jack Taggert from Fire Down Below: If your daddy knew exactly how stupid you were, he’d trade you in for a pet monkey.

Cock Puncher from The Onion Movie: I don’t think you have the balls.

Forrest Taft from On Deadly Ground: What does it take to change the essence of a man?

Steven Seagal Real-Life Quotes

In addition to his movie lines, Steven Seagal has also delivered some pretty entertaining dialogue (intentional or not) in real life. Take a look, and prepare to be enlightened.

• “I am hoping that I can be known as a great writer and actor some day, rather than a sex symbol.”
• “I have traveled the world creating this drink; there is none better that I know.” (speaking about his energy drink known as Steven Seagal’s Lightning Bolt)
• “It doesn’t work if the bad guys kill his mother’s uncle’s friend’s neighbor’s pet dog. You’ve got to make the stakes high.”
• “I was born clairvoyant. I was born a healer, and I was born very different.”
• “I am sorry for any pain or suffering or hurt or negativity I’ve caused any sentient being, in this life and all past lives.”

Steven Seagal Characters

Since I’ve got your attention, let’s go ahead and take a look at all the Steven Seagal characters available on DVD and Blu-ray. Whether they’re cops, scientists or zombie killers, all Steven Seagal characters have two things in common: (1) they likely have a shadowy past in which they may have been a member of an intelligence agency, and (2) they can kick ass like nobody’s business.

Now here’s the list…

• Nico Toscani
• Mason Storm
• John Hatcher
• Gino Felino
• Casey Ryback
• Forrest Taft
• Jack Cole
• Jack Taggert
• Orin Boyd
• Jonathon Cold
• Austin Travis
• Wesley McClaren
• Frank Glass
• Sascha Petrosevitch
• Robert Burns
• Jake Hopper
• William Lancing
• Jack Miller
• Travis Hunter
• Chris Cody
• Harlan Banks
• John Seeger
• Jack Foster
• Marshall Lawson
• John Sands
• Simon Ballister
• Cock Puncher
• Matt Conner
• Jacob King
• Tao
• Ruslan Drachev
• Rolland Sallinger
• Shane Daniels

For those of you keeping score at home, the names “John” and “Jack” are most popular for Seagal roles, with each being used four times in various films. Cock Puncher has only been used once (in The Onion Movie), but I’m hoping that one will soon overtake the others.

If you’ve enjoyed this multi-faceted look at Steven Seagal, be sure to check out other actor biographies and random strangeness from Only Good Movies:

• Good Nicolas Cage Quotes
• The 100 Best Movie Quotes
• Top 25 Megan Fox Quotes