1. A Midnight Clear (1992) – Directed by Keith Gordon (who you may remember as Jason Melon in Back to School), this soulful combat film is set in the waning days of World War II. A squad of Americans comprised of Berg, Kevin Dillon, Ethan Hawke, Gary Sinise and others comes across a platoon of Germans who wish to surrender instead of fighting and dying for a losing cause. This throws both sides together for Christmas, and the lack of hostility allows the former enemies to reach an understanding. But things get complicated by the final act, leading to possible bloodshed between the newfound friends. Based on the novel by William Wharton, this is the rare war film that shows the positive traits of both sides.

2. The Rundown (2003) – I’m always quick to sing the praises of The Rundown, and I maintain that it would be considered an action classic if released a decade earlier. Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson stars as Beck, a retrieval expert working off a debt to a crime boss. All Beck really wants to do is open a restaurant, but he has to take one final job before he’s free.

This leads him to the South American town of El Dorado, where he’s expected to apprehend smartass treasure hunter Travis Walker (Seann William Scott) and bring him back to America. But the jungle town is run by Cornelius Hatcher (the predictably quirky Christopher Walker), a ruthless tyrant who’s put all the locals to work mining gold, and he has other plans for Walker.

There are also rebels, a sexy barmaid (Rosario Dawson), henchmen with whips, and lots of horny baboons. The patter between Scott and Johnson is entertaining and natural, and you can actually tell what’s going on during the film’s many fight scenes (an increasing rarity). The opening scene features Beck taking on multiple pro football players in a club, while the climactic battle puts the Harry Gregson-Williams score to good use and reveals why Beck never carries a gun. When it comes to action movies, I give The Rundown my highest recommendation.

3. The Last Seduction (1994) – Take out all the nudity and cursing, and this steamy film would fit right in with the noir classics of the ’40s and ’50s. Still, these elements give this John Dahl (Rounders) project a lurid quality that would’ve made Humphrey Bogart or Robert Mitchum blush. Berg stars as Mike Swale, an excitement-starved guy who gets more than he bargained for following a tryst with Bridget Gregory (Linda Fiorentino), a sociopathic sexpot on the run with $700,000 in cash. Fiorentino oozes sin as she slinks from one scene to the next, reducing every male character she encounters to a simpering pile of hormones. Bill Pullman co-stars as her drug-dealing husband with two broken thumbs (courtesy of loan sharks).

4. Friday Night Lights (2004) – First came Friday Night Lights: A Town, a Team, and a Dream, the 1990 novel from H.G. Bissinger about the unusual importance of high school football in Odessa, Texas. Next came the film adaptation of the book, which was directed by Berg (who happens to be Bissinger’s cousin) and spawned the NBC series of the same name. Billy Bob Thornton stars as Gary Gaines, the charismatic coach whose job depends on the success of his players. But there’s plenty of teen angst to deal with, much of which is aggravated by parents obsessed with winning the state championship. Also starring Lucas Black, Tim McGraw, Garrett Hedlund, and Jay Hernandez.

5. The Great White Hype (1996) – While it’s not as funny as I’d hoped, this satirical sports comedy is still a must-see for fans of boxing. Samuel L. Jackson stars as Rev. Fred Sultan, a corrupt boxing promoter who’s obviously meant to channel Don King. His current gravy train is James “The Grim Reaper” Roper (Damon Wayans), the heavyweight champion of the world. But Sultan realizes that the public is tired of seeing black athletes beat on each other, so he goes looking for a white contender. Enter Terry Conklin (Peter Berg), a dimwitted musician who once defeated Roper in their amateur days. The cast includes Jeff Goldblum, Jamie Foxx, Cheech Marin, and Corbin Bernsen. Anyone who followed the sudden rise of Peter McNeeley prior to his bout with a post-prison Mike Tyson will notice a number of similarities.

6. Hancock (2008) – If Superman were an alcoholic amnesiac, he’s be John Hancock (Will Smith), a superpowered grump who fights crime in Los Angeles and frequently causes more destruction than the bad guys. When he saves idealistic public relations whiz Ray Embrey (Jason Bateman) from an oncoming train, the grateful citizen decides to give the hero an image makeover. This puts Hancock on the path to redemption, especially when a meeting with Ray’s wife (Charlize Theron) offers unexpected insight into his past. While it’s mostly played for laughs, director Berg still manages to offer up a number of spectacular scenes based around Hancock’s powers, something the makers of the Superman franchise should pay close attention to.

7. Fire in the Sky (1993) – Based on the book The Walton Experience, this sci-fi film details a supposed real-life alien abduction in 1975 Arizona. Peter Berg stars as David Whitlock, a logger who witnesses best friend Travis Walton (D.B. Sweeney) get taken by a bright light on a lonely country road. Walton shows up five days later, claiming to have been experiemented on by extraterrestrials. But the local authorities (Noble Willingham and James Garner) are suspicious, leading them to believe that the entire series of events may have been concocted to gain notoriety. Fact or fiction? Watch the film and judge for yourself. Also starring Robert Patrick and Craig Sheffer.

8. The Kingdom (2007) – Following a pair of terrorist bombings in Saudi Arabia that leave scores of Americans dead, an FBI team (Jamie Foxx, Jennifer Garner, Chris Cooper, Jason Bateman) is allowed to travel to the Arab state to observe the investigation. But their intention is to do more than observe, a notion that pisses off people on almost every side. Some critics accused Berg’s film of unfair and simplistic stereotypes, but The Kingdom does present a positive figure in the form of Colonel Al-Ghazi (Ashraf Barhom), a loving family man and member of the Saudi State Police. While it underwhelmed at the box office, it’s a decent rental thanks to several well-crafted action sequences and the likable nature of the cast. Be sure to check out the DVD extras, as well, since the climactic fight scene is provided from the perspective of each character.

9. Cop Land (1997) – The fictional town of Garrison, New Jersey is filled with members of the NYPD, and they know how to take care of each other. This is especially true when one of their own (Michael Rapaport) accidentally kills a couple of black kids. The ensuing investigation is headed up by Internal Affairs officer Moe Tilden (Robert De Niro), and he appeals to Garrison’s half-deaf sheriff, Freddy Heflin (Sylvester Stallone), to assist him. Expect plenty of crooked cops and double-crosses, and the all-star cast includes Harvey Keitel, Ray Liotta, Peter Berg, Robert Patrick, Annabella Sciorra, and Janeane Garofalo. Stallone gained 40 pounds for his role and plays against type as a low-key lawman, so don’t expect him to behave like Marion Cobretti.

10. Very Bad Things (1998) – While the cast members include Cameron Diaz, Jeremy Piven, Jon Favreau, Christian Slater, and Daniel Stern, this twisted directorial debut from Peter Berg isn’t for everyone. It all starts with a group of pals heading to Vegas for a bachelor party, but the accidental death of a hooker soon has them turning on one another in the most lethal ways possible. Slater channels a more deranged version of J.D. from Heathers, while Diaz plays a bitchy bride-to-be who ranks among the most obnoxious characters ever depicted on the big screen. Recommended only for fans of black comedies (and not the kind starring Tyler Perry).

That wraps up our look at 10 good Peter Berg movies, but the fun doesn’t have to stop. By clicking any of the links below, you’ll be taken to even more articles from Only Good Movies:

• 25 Military Movies to See before You Die
• Top 10 Sylvester Stallone Movies
• Top 15 Action Movies of All Time

Since then, I’ve went back and watched a number of Neeson’s films. I’ve come to realize that, Star Wars prequels aside, he’s a pretty good actor. That’s why I’ve decided to dedicate some space to him at Only Good Movies in an article titled “Top 10 Liam Neeson Movies.”

10. Darkman (1990) – Following the success of the first two entries in the Evil Dead franchise, director Sam Raimi wanted to make a superhero movie. The result was Darkman, a grim and hellish tale about a scientist (Liam Neeson) who runs afoul of a mob boss (Larry Drake) and winds up burned over his entire body. Luckily, he happens to specialize in artificial skin for burn victims, so he’s soon running around with custom-made faces and plenty of rage issues. Neeson spends a decent amount of the film wearing bandages or sporting horrific-looking burn makeup on his face. It doens’t matter, though, as his skills as an actor still shine through. As for Raimi, expect a sizable dose of off-kilter camera angles, crazed zooms, and an appearance from Bruce Campbell. Also starring Frances McDormand as the love interest.

9. Love Actually (2003) – Take ten separate love stories, set them in London, and then let them play out during the Christmas season. The result is Love Actually, an infectious romantic comedy that even managed to warm my stony old heart. Liam Neeson is more upbeat than normal, playing a widower who’s raising his stepson and tutoring him in the complicated rituals of pre-adolescent love. Other cast members include Hugh Grant, Colin Firth, Alan Rickman, Keira Knightley, Emma Thompson, and Bill Nighy (who’s notable as an aging rocker looking for one more hit). Many of the characters cross from one story to another, and the climax of the film features a rousing rendition of Mariah Carey’s “All I Want for Christmas Is You” performed during a school’s holiday pageant.

8. Michael Collins (1996) – Despite some historical inaccuracies, Neil Jordan’s perpetually overcast biopic gives Neeson the chance to play General Michael Collins, one of the most important figures in Ireland’s struggle for independence. The Irish-born Neeson never looks back, portraying Collins as a soulful patriot willing to give his life for a nation free of tyranny and British accents. Julia Roberts co-stars as Collins’ bride-to-be, while other freedom fighters include Alan Rickman, Aidan Quinn, and Stephen Rea. Not surprisingly, it remains one of the top-grossing films ever released in Ireland.

7. Taken (2008) – Neeson has played physically capable individuals in numerous films, but that’s never been the case more than in Pierre Morel’s box office hit. He stars as Bryan Mills, a retired CIA agent who spends most of his time reminiscing with agency pals and doting on his daughter (Maggie Grace). But when his only child travels to Europe and gets herself abducted by white slavers, Mills hops a plane and starts kicking ass like only a cinematic member of the CIA can. Sure, the plot is preposterous, but viewers will get a big-time visceral thrill by watching a middle-aged man make outlandish threats and then carry them out with brutal efficiency. Famke Janssen co-stars as his generally bitchy ex-wife.

6. Les Miserables (1998) – Despite the success of the Broadway version, there’s no singing in this big screen adaptation of Victor Hugo’s classic novel. There is, however, plenty of Liam Neeson looking miserable. But you’d be miserable, too, if you’d spent 19 years in prison for stealing a loaf of bread. Things don’t get any easier on the outside for Jean Valjean (Neeson), as he falls for a doomed prostitute (Uma Thurman), raises her daughter (Claire Danes), and tries to avoid the wrath of an obsessed police officer (Geoffrey Rush). While certain elements of the story have been reworked or omitted, all of the emotional impact is still there thanks to fine performances from the cast and the screenplay of Rafael Yglesias.

5. The Grey (2012) – Neeson is John Ottway, a suicidal hunter who works in Alaska killing wolves for an oil company. But when his plane crashes on the way back from his latest job, Ottway and his fellow survivors must brave both the harsh elements and a pack of grey wolves intent on eating them. Neeson is especially grim in this one, and the Joe Carnahan film uses every opportunity to discuss man’s thirst for survival and the nature of God. The scene where Ottway helps a wounded comrade face his impending death packs an emotional punch, as does the final scene in which our hero decides whether to give up or fight to the bitter end.

4. Rob Roy (1995) – Robert Roy MacGregor was a real-life Scottish figure who lived in the 18th century. This is his story as envisioned by director Michael Caton-Jones, and it’s filled with betrayal, action, and one of the best sword fights ever captured on film. Neeson stars as MacGregor, an honorable fellow who’s forced to go on the run after a business deal with the slimy Marquis of Montrose (John Hurt) goes sour. He’s pursued by Montrose’s bastard son, Archibald Cunningham (Tim Roth in an Oscar-nominated role), a despicable fellow who’s willing to commit any sin in the pursuit of an innocent man. Neeson is spot-on as the honorable Scot, and the climactic duel is a perfect contrast in styles.

3. The Mission (1986) – Neeson has a supporting role as a Jesuit priest in this Palme d’Or winner from director Roland Joffe. Jeremy Irons and Robert De Niro get top billing, the former as an 18th-century Jesuit missionary trying to convert natives in the South American jungle, and the latter as a slaver who suffers a crisis of conscience. But it’s the waterfalls and foliage that truly shine, helping cinematographer Chris Menges to win a much-deserved Oscar (the film was nominated for a total of seven). If you’d like to know more about the brutal realities of slavery, religion, and territorial expansion, be sure to give this one a look.

2. Kinsey (2004) – Neeson takes a break from kicking ass to portray sexual pioneer Alfred Kinsey, the man responsible for the famed reports that examined human lovemaking and caused one helluva stir in the primitive ’40s and ’50s. While traveling the country and interviewing a wide range of folks on their bedroom habits, Kinsey must also come to terms with his own problems, including marital strife and McCarthyism. Laura Linney was nominated for an Oscar as his wife, and the cast is rounded out by Peter Sarsgaard, John Lithgow, Tim Curry, and Chris O’Donnell. It’s rare to see Neeson play an egghead, and the fascinating real-life subject matter is an extra bonus.

1. Schindler’s List (1993) – Nominated for a dozen Academy Awards–and winner of seven–Schindler’s List routinely ranks high on lists of the greatest films of all time. While he lost his Oscar bid to Tom Hanks for Philadelphia, Liam Neeson still manages to turn in a career-defining performance as Oskar Schindler, a real-life businessman whose factories saved the lives of over 1,000 Jews during the Holocaust. Beginning the film as a charming war profiteer, Schindler later becomes deeply affected and transformed by the brutal executions meted out by SS officer Amon Goth (Ralph Fiennes making evil seem thoroughly spellbinding). Filmed in black-and-white and featuring numerous scenes of unflinching violence, Steven Spielberg’s nod to Jewish suffering is a must-see piece of cinematic history.

If you’ve enjoyed this list of the top 10 Liam Neeson movies, you’ll also want to read the following:

• 15 Movie Characters I Was Glad to See Die
• 75 War Movies to See before You Die
• Christopher Nolan Movies

It’s paid off, though. Burton’s movies have garnered both critical and commercial success, and his darkly comic meditations on adolescence, the suburbs, and other seemingly mundane subjects have allowed him to craft unique works that are immediately recognizable. I could crank out a few paragraphs detailing the recurring elements of Tim Burton movies, but the following video says it all:

10 Suggested Works from Tim Burton

In case you’ve only seen a few of the Tim Burton movies available on Blu-ray and DVD, this list will provide a handy reference guide for other bizarre masterpieces from a true original. Oingo Boingo fans should be especially delighted.

Big Fish (2003) – Burton lost both of his parents within the span of two years, which makes this film one of his more personal projects. Based on the 1998 novel from Daniel Wallace, Big Fish centers around Edward Bloom (Albert Finney/Ewan McGregor), a former traveling salesman with a love for weaving tall tales. Now on his deathbed, Edward is visited by his estranged son (Billy Crudup), and the younger Bloom struggles to understand his father while listening to his exaggerated life story. Adults will enjoy the complex and evolving father/son relationship, while kids will get a kick out of the fantastical creatures ranging from witches to werewolves. A touching tale for all ages, Big Fish boasts an impressive cast that includes Jessica Lange, Helena Bonham Carter (of course), Steve Buscemi, Alison Lohman, and Danny DeVito.

Beetlejuice (1988) – Before he was tossed on the Hollywood scrap heap, Michael Keaton was one of the finest comedic actors in the business. His abilities are displayed perfectly in the role of Betelgeuse, a lowlife ghost who specializes in terrifying the living. His latest clients are the Maitlands (Geena Davis and Alec Baldwin) a recently-deceased New England couple who can’t stand the pretentious yuppies (Catherine O’Hara and Jeffrey Jones) who’ve purchased their dream home. Winona Ryder, the cinematic darling of the late ’90s, co-stars as a goth teen who can see the dead and becomes caught up in Betelgeuse’s plans. This is Burton at his most unusual, littering the screen with bizarre lighting, eccentric characters, and a heavy dose of Harry Belafonte tunes.

Ed Wood (1994) – The real-life Ed Wood Jr. made awful low-budget movies, liked to dress up in women’s clothing, and had a thing for angora. Yep, sounds like the perfect subject for a Tim Burton film. Johnny Depp stars in the title role, playing Wood as an eternal optimist dedicated to making a cinematic masterpiece just like his idol Orson Welles. While Wood lacks any real talent, that doesn’t keep him from soldiering on, filling his sci-fi and horror films with actors and acquaintances ranging from transsexuals (Bill Murray) and pro wrestlers (George Steele) to morphine-addicted horror icon Bela Lugosi (Martin Landau in an Oscar-winning role). Burton never takes the easy way out when dealing with the much-maligned director. Instead, he celebrates Wood’s films and his strange circle of friends, turning the project into a love letter aimed at all those who fail to achieve their dreams but bravely persist.

Batman (1989) – Following their collaboration on Beetlejuice, Burton again cast Michael Keaton…this time in the role of the legendary comic book protector of Gotham City. Fans went batshit, convinced that the actor couldn’t pull off the part. They were wrong, of course, and Keaton demonstrated his versatility by walking the fine line between billionaire Bruce Wayne and the grim superhero. Jack Nicholson also drew praise for his role as The Joker, a zany madman who seems positively harmless when compared to Heath Ledger’s later portrayal in The Dark Knight. Prince did the soundtrack, Kim Basinger stars as the love interest, and Burton makes sure that everything is suitably dark and gloomy. It hasn’t held up well over the years, but it still beats the hell out of Joel Schumacher’s dreadful Batman & Robin.

Mars Attacks! (1996) – Back in 1962, Topps released a series of trading cards showing Martians invading Earth and slaughtering the locals in unique ways. Thirty-four years later, Tim Burton assembled an all-star cast and turned out this satirical and ultra-violent adaptation featuring Jack Nicholson in dual roles and Sarah Jessica Parker getting her head grafted onto a dog. Other stars include Jim Brown, Natalie Portman, Michael J. Fox, Pierce Brosnan, Glenn Close, Annette Bening, and singer Tom Jones. Delightful chaos from start to finish.

Pee-wee’s Big Adventure (1985) – It seems fitting that Tim Burton owes his movie career to Pee-wee Herman, the bizarre man-child portayed by comic Paul Reubens (who personally selected Burton after seeing his short film, Frankenweenie). The plot is simple: Pee-wee has his prized bicycle stolen and embarks on a nationwide search to find it. Along the way, he dances for bikers to the tune of “Tequila,” visits the basement of the Alamo, wanders into a Twisted Sister video shoot, and hitches a ride with a ghost. The offbeat subject matter melds perfectly with Burton’s distinct and still-evolving visual style, creating a comic concoction that’s oddly infectious. Skip the sequel, though.

Sleepy Hollow (1999) – In 1799, the tiny town of Sleepy Hollow is being plagued by a series of murders. The victims have had their heads cut off, and all the locals attribute the killings to the ghost of the Headless Horseman (Christopher Walken), a Prussian mercenary who died during the Revolutionary War. Officials in New York City get wind of the crime and dispatch geeky forensic expert Ichabod Crane (Johnny Depp, naturally). During the course of his investigation, he falls in love with a local gal (Christina Ricci), but can he solve the mystery before she becomes the Horseman’s next victim? The creepy sets rightfully won an Oscar for Best Art Direction, and the fine supporting cast includes Michael Gambon, Miranda Richardson, Ian McDiarmid, and Christopher Lee.

Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street (2007) – Burton continues his trend of adapting previously released material, this time focusing on the 1979 musical from Stephen Sondheim and Hugh Wheeler. Johnny Depp plays the title role, a deranged barber who returns to London to exact vengeance on the corrupt judge (Alan Rickman) responsible for the disintegration of his family. Opening up a business, Todd begins cutting hair and slitting throats, dumping the bodies down a hole to be turned into meat pies by his crazed accomplice, Mrs. Lovett (Helena Bonham Carter). There are a number of wicked twists and turns during the final act, and fans of musicals should enjoy Depp’s vocal efforts. Viewers who are squeamish about blood should be warned, though, as Sweeney Todd’s straight razor draws copious amounts of the red stuff.

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (2005) – Johnny Depp and Burton team up once again, this time for the second big-screen adaptation of Roald Dahl’s 1964 novel. Depp stars as Willy Wonka, the reclusive–and highly eccentric–owner of a leading candy company. When he announces a contest to allow five people to tour his chocolate factory, everyone scrambles to buy a Wonka Bar and find one of the five golden tickets. All the winners are children, including the well-mannered Charlie Bucket (Freddie Highmore), a likable boy who lives in poverty and dreams of a better life. Depp’s Wonka is a childlike goof with daddy issues and massive white teeth, but the real stars are the Oompa-Loompas, diminutive workers–all played by actor Deep Roy–who sing tales of morality following various misdeeds by each child.

Edward Scissorhands (1990) – Burton takes a look at his adolescence in the suburbs through the eyes of Edward (Johnny Depp), an artificial man who’s left with scissors for hands due to the death of his creator (Burton’s hero, Vincent Price, in his final role). After spending years alone in a creepy mansion on the hill, Edward is discovered by a perky Avon rep (Dianne Wiest) and taken to the burbs where he promptly becomes smitten with her teenage daughter (Winona Ryder). Of course, the naive Edward also runs afoul of some of the locals, including an amorous housewife, a religious nut, and a jealous boyfriend. A touching film that should appeal to anyone who’s ever felt like an outsider, Edward Scissorhands remains Burton’s strongest overall work. It also allows Johnny Depp to do some of his finest acting, despite his lack of dialogue.

If you found this list of Tim Burton movies to be helpful, be sure to check out these other articles from Only Good Movies:

• Good Johnny Depp Movies
• Movies Coming Out in 2012
• Good Movies to Watch When You’re High

While most moviegoers have thrilled to the adventures of Captain Jack Sparrow, there are plenty of good Johnny Depp movies that have flown under the radar. This list includes some of those hidden gems, as well as commercial hits and works that have earned the actor critical acclaim. For those looking for unconventional entertainment, try any of the films listed below.

Blow (2001) – In the ’70s and ’80s, George Jung turned drug smuggling into an art form. In the process, he made millions of dollars before his inevitable downfall. This is his story.

Depp plays Jung as a likable nonconformist who doesn’t think twice about breaking the law in order to make an easy score. His initial forays into running marijuana from Mexico are wildly successful–except for a stint in prison–and he soon graduates to a relationship with the Medellin Cartel of Columbia. Besides the money and mansions, George is also able to bed and wed the feisty Mirtha (Penelope Cruz).

But family life, continued run-ins with the law, and health problems all begin to take their toll on our coked-up protagonist. As you might expect from any movie about drugs, George’s rise is followed by his fall, but Depp’s portrayal manages to make this true-life story engaging from start to finish. Co-starring Ray Liotta, Franka Potente, Paul Reubens, and Ethan Suplee.

Donnie Brasco (1997) – Depp once again plays a real-life individual, this time slipping into the leather jacket of Joseph D. Pistone, an FBI agent who infiltrates the mob using the alias of “Donnie Brasco.” His belief in law and order are enough to get him to go along with the assignment, but he soon finds himself growing fond of the mob lifestyle and mentor “Lefty” Ruggiero (Al Pacino), an aging assassin with a laundry list of personal problems. The merging of his two lives causes considerable friction with his wife (Anne Heche), and Donnie must also deal with guilt over his eventual betrayal of Ruggiero, an act that will surely lead to the hitman’s death.

Depp once again demonstrates his acting prowess, imbuing Pistone with a likable charm that allows the audience to give him a pass when committing acts of violence and treachery. And while Ruggiero is a miserable crook who’s killed more than 25 men for the mob, Pacino’s weary portrayal forces viewers to focus on his disappointing life instead of his various misdeeds. A must-see for fans of mob movies.

Once Upon a Time in Mexico (2003) – Director Robert Rodriguez wraps up his “Mariachi Trilogy” with this tale of vengeful musician/folk hero El Mariachi (Antonio Banderas), who’s recruited by a CIA operative (Depp) to stop a Mexican general from overthrowing the government. While the overall plot may sound simple enough, Rodriguez wanted to mimic The Good, the Bad and the Ugly by throwing in a multitude of characters and sub-plots. That’s why we get manipulative Mexican drug lords (Willem Dafoe), world-weary American expatriates (Mickey Rourke), retired FBI agents with a score to settle (Ruben Blades), cruel-yet-sultry special operatives (Eva Mendes), and Rodriguez favorites like Salma Hayek and Danny Trejo. Some fans of El Mariachi might be disappointed with the amount of screen time he’s forced to share with the supporting cast, but the payoff is well worth it thanks to quirky characters, endless amount of gunplay, and enough explosions to make Michael Bay blush.

Depp creates another memorable character with CIA agent Sheldon Sands, especially while he demonstrates his murderous obsession with a Mexican dish known as Puerco Pibil. When he’s not searching for the perfect version of the dish, he’s wearing outrageous disguises, gunning down the opposition, and generally maneuvering characters like pieces on a chessboard. Even a major setback later in the film fails to diminish his spirit, and it gives Depp yet another bullet in his already robust acting arsenal.

Benny & Joon (1993) – While Johnny Depp has starred in all manner of films, it’s the romantic roles that have elevated him to the status of international sex symbol. Benny & Joon, the tale of two eccentric characters falling in love, is one of the best examples.

Mary Stuart Masterson stars as Juniper “Joon” Pearl, a young woman who suffers from severe anxiety and sudden emotional outbursts. Her brother Benny (Aidan Quinn) cares for her as best he can, but the constant demands have kept him from having a life of his own. As Benny begins to seriously consider putting Joon in a special home, a solution arrives in the form of Sam (Depp), a unique fellow obsessed with the works of Charlie Chaplin and Buster Keaton. Joon and Ben become fast friends, but this new dynamic is threatened once they take their relationship to the next logical level.

Since Depp has always excelled as misfit or outsider, he dons the role of Sam like an old, familiar shirt. His scenes with Joon combine a myriad of emotions, but it’s the lighthearted moments that make the film such a winner. Highlights include Ben’s take on Chaplin’s dancing potatoes from The Gold Rush, as well as his public display of comedy using only a hat as a prop (a la Keaton). Romantics of all ages are encouraged to give this one a try.

Finding Neverland (2004) – Depp donned a Scottish accent and earned a Best Actor Oscar nomination for his role as playwright J.M. Barrie, the man responsible for the timeless children’s classic Peter Pan. We learn that Barrie’s primary inspiration for his play came from the four young sons of widow Sylvia Llewelyn Davies (Kate Winslet), and the film covers their relationship from a chance meeting in a London park to a finale that’s sure to leave many viewers in tears. What happens in between perfectly suits Depp’s talents as an actor, as he gets to be charming yet still a dreamy outsider. Marc Forster (Monster’s Ball, Quantum of Solace) handles the directing chores, while the supporting cast includes Dustin Hoffman, Julie Christie, Radha Mitchell, and Toby Jones.

Edward Scissorhands (1990) – While Tim Burton may not be synonymous with love stories, this bizarre and touching fantasy shows that he’s more than up to the task. This would be the first of many collaborations between the director and Johnny Depp, although actors like Tom Cruise and Tom Hanks were once in the running for the lead role.

Depp stars as Edward, an artificial man created by an inventor (Vincent Price in his last role) who lives in a creepy mansion on a hill overlooking an idyllic American town. Unfortunately, his creator dies before he can make the final adjustments, so Edward is left with hands made of scissors. Years later, he’s discovered by compassionate Avon saleswoman Pegg Boggs (Dianne Wiest) and taken back to suburbia. But before you can say “doomed romance,” Edward becomes smitten with Peg’s teenage daughter, Kim (Wynona Ryder), a development that causes considerable problems for the naive automaton.

While his lines are minimal, Depp manages to emote like nobody’s business. From shock and dismay to sheer joy, Edward serves as a blank slate for Burton to skillfully draws his conclusions about love, loss, and life in the burbs. Punctuated by the director’s dark, quirky sense of humor, Edward Scissorhands presents a romantic comedy that’s truly original.

Ed Wood (1994) – Four years after Edward Scissorhands, Tim Burton and Johnny Depp teamed up again for the somewhat true tale of Ed Wood, the man considered by many to be the worst filmmaker who ever lived. Depp’s gleeful performance transforms Wood into the patron saint of the hopelessly untalented, but his enthusiasm rarely wanes despite financial woes, the drug-induced decline of his idol (Martin Landau, excellent as Bela Lugosi), and relationship issues stemming from his love of crossdressing. The supporting cast includes Sarah Jessica Parker, Patricia Arquette, George “The Animal” Steele and Bill Murray, and it remains an enduring monument to those can-do individuals who keep making “art” despite being given the cold shoulder by mainstream Hollywood.

A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984) – The horror genre has long provided a springboard for up-and-coming performers, and Johnny Depp was no exception. His first major movie role was as Glen Lantz, the ill-fated boyfriend of heroine Nancy Thompson (Heather Langenkamp) in this classic from Wes Craven. If you’re only familiar with the lackluster 2010 remake, make sure to give the original a chance.

The film revolves around suburban teens being hunted down and killed in their dreams by a horribly burned madman known as Freddy Krueger (the iconic Robert Englund). Only our heroine seems to realize the truth, but to stop him she’ll have to weather a series of attacks that increasingly blur the line between fantasy and reality.

Experienced horror fans will know that Glen is toast the moment they see him, but watching a future superstar at work is still a treat. Englund is the real standout in this film, however, giving Freddy a twisted menace that would be replaced in later films with a more comedic tone. Craven, for his part, shows a mastery of the genre and the ability to play with the expectations of his audience at every turn.

Dead Man (1995) – Those looking for a traditional Western should stay far away from this black-and-white film directed by Jim Jarmusch. If, however, you’re interested in trying something different, this postmodern Western may just do the trick.

Depp stars as William Blake, a mild-mannered accountant from Cleveland who accepts a job in the oddly-named frontier town of Machine. After finding the position already filled–and being chased from the premises by gun-toting owner John Dickinson (Robert Mitchum in his final role)–Blake falls into bed with a former prostitute (Mili Avital) who now makes a living selling paper flowers. Their romantic interlude is interrupted by her ex-boyfriend (Gabriel Byrne), and a sudden exchange of gunfire leaves Blake as the only survivor, albeit with a bullet lodged in his chest. Turns out the recently deceased boyfriend was the son of Dickinson, and the wealthy businessman hires three notorious killers (Lance Henriksen, Michael Wincott, and Eugene Byrd) to bring our protagonist back dead or alive.

But that’s just the first act. The movie takes on an even more spiritual tone from there, introducing an American Indian named Nobody (Gary Farmer) who believes Blake is the reincarnation of the English poet of the same name. With his new companion by his side, Blake undertakes vision quests, defends himself against psychotic denizens of the Old West, and generally looks for a quiet place to lie down and die.

Neil Young provides the sparse and somewhat repetitive score with an electric guitar, while Jarmusch depicts the brutality of both nature and civilization with a matter-of-fact attitude. Depp bestows a naive quality on Blake that holds up even under fire, and the intriguing supporting cast includes names such as John Hurt, Crispin Glover, Iggy Pop, Billy Bob Thornton, and Alfred Molina.

The Ninth Gate (1999) – Depp stars as Dean Corso, a rare books dealer who has no problem with lying and stealing to turn a profit. When he’s hired by the creepy and uber-wealthy Boris Balkan (Frank Langella at his most menacing), Corso sets off across the globe to authenticate a copy of The Nine Gate of the Kingdom of Shadows, a book that may have been penned by the Devil himself. Along the way, he stumbles across numerous dead bodies, encounters a mysterious woman (Emmanuelle Seigner) with supernatural abilities, and slowly unravels the infernal secrets of the book.

As the disheveled and self-serving Corso, Depp gives his character many of the foibles of a film noir anti-hero. He bluffs, begs, and outright lies in his pursuit of the almighty dollar, all while clad in a sharp overcoat. Certain elements of the plot teeter on the verge of predictability, but his performance ensures that viewers won’t be able to take their eyes off the screen. While this isn’t director Roman Polanski’s finest effort in the supernatural genre–that honor goes to Rosemary’s Baby–it still manages to be worth the price of a rental.

Whether you’re a longtime fan of the actor or just becoming familiar with his body of work, these good Johnny Depp movies should provide you with hours of quality entertainment. But before you run off to order a Jack Sparrow costume, I suggest hanging around a while longer and exploring some of the other articles here at Only Good Movies:

• Good Cop Movies
• 10 Good U.S. Marine Corps Movies
• Movies Based on Books

Film veterans like Robert Downey Jr. and Samuel L. Jackson have scores of titles to choose from, while newcomers like Chris Hemsworth possess a relatively small body of cinematic work. It doesn’t matter, though, as I’ve slogged through the filmography of each and every performer, dedicated to providing you with interesting and sometimes offbeat choices for your next trip to Netflix or the local video store. Just keep in mind that none of my selections are superhero related, so there’s zero chance of seeing Stan Lee make a cameo.

Robert Downey Jr. (Iron Man)

Kiss Kiss Bang Bang (2005) – Harry Lockhart (Downey Jr.) is a petty NYC criminal who stumbles into a film audition while running from the cops. When his genuine outpouring of emotion is mistaken for skilled acting, he’s put on a plane to Hollywood and groomed for stardom.

In order to research his upcoming role, the studio pairs him with Perry van Shrike (Val Kilmer), a gay private eye who carries a pistol in his crotch and is even more of a smartass than Harry. But things get awfully complicated when the duo stumbles across a real murder and the bad guys come calling. Meanwhile, Harry attempts to romance a childhood crush (Michelle Monaghan), and his lies about being a real detective wind up getting him drawn into even more trouble.

One part comedy and one part hardboiled crime story, Kiss Kiss Bang Bang features a brilliantly acerbic script from Shane Black (who also directs), as well as perfect chemistry between Kilmer and Downey. Watching the snarky asides from the self-aware Harry are a great deal of fun, and the film even features a cameo from President Abraham Lincoln. If you’re still not convinced, be sure to check out this scene.

Chris Evans (Captain America)

Sunshine (2007) – The year is 2057, and the Sun is on the verge of dying. Seven years prior, a spaceship dubbed Icarus I was sent to Sol with the intention of detonating a massive bomb and re-igniting it. But something went wrong in the depths of space, and the ship was never heard from again. Now, with a new ice age blanketing the planet, the international crew of Icarus II prepares to give humanity one last chance. But their task won’t be an easy one, especially when they learn the true fate of the previous mission.

Danny Boyle helms this sci-fi thriller, and he shows off his talent for effortlessly working in multiple genres. The brutal power of the Sun is demonstrated repeatedly, and this is the kind of film that might inspire a child to develop an interest in science. Meanwhile, the ensemble cast is filled with both talent and familiar faces, including Cillian Murphy, Rose Byrne, Benedict Wong, Cliff Curtis, and Michelle Yeoh. Look for Chris Evans in the role of Mace, the no-nonsense engineer stuck on what increasingly looks to be a suicide mission.

Chris Hemsworth (Thor)

A Perfect Getaway (2009) – You’ll never want to go to Hawaii after seeing this intense psychological thriller from director David Twohy (Pitch Black). Two couples (Steve Zahn/Milla Jovovich and Timothy Olyphant/Kiele Sanchez) meet while hiking to an isolated beach, and their paranoia begins to grow as they learn of a double murder that recently took place on the island. Things are further complicated when fellow hikers Kale (Chris Hemsworth) and Cleo (Marley Shelton) arrive, and it should be obvious by this point that one of the couples has murderous intent. You’ll know who the villains are by the midpoint, but Twohy still manages to keep the tension as sharp as a butcher knife.

Mark Ruffalo (Dr. Bruce Banner/The Hulk)

You Can Count on Me (2000) – Laura Linney and Mark Ruffalo both received critical acclaim and numerous festival awards for their roles as dysfunctional siblings trying to connect and get their lives in order. Linney gives a powerhouse performance, whether she’s carrying on an ill-advised affair (with Matthew Broderick no less) or appealing to her brother to change his wild ways. Ruffalo is equally great, as his character’s passion for personal freedom is contrasted by the affection he shows to his nephew (Rory Culkin). If you’re looking for a drama aimed at adults, You Can Count on Me is highly recommended.

Scarlett Johansson (Black Widow)

Eight Legged Freaks (2002) – Before she became an international celebrity, Scarlett Johansson appeared as the teenage daughter of an Arizona sheriff (Kari Wuhrer) facing down spiders of monstrous proportions. David Arquette has the lead role, starring as a young man who drifts back into his dying hometown to oppose the selling of his father’s gold mines by the greedy mayor.

But none of the political backbiting matters once the titular arachnids get juiced up on toxic waste and begin to rampage through the town. Watch spiders invade a barbershop. Thrill to an eight-legged assault on the local mall. Laugh as the creatures take out cats, parrots, teens on dirtbikes, and even elderly chain smokers. Arquette demonstrates his usual goofy charm, Wuhrer provides sex appeal and a take charge attitude, and Doug E. Doug is a standout as a local radio DJ and conspiracy nut.

Jeremy Renner (Hawkeye)

Dahmer (2002) – This is the part that ultimately allowed Jeremy Renner to win the role of Sergeant First Class William James in The Hurt Locker. He plays Jeffrey Dahmer, the real-life serial killer who murdered 17 young men and sometimes ate their remains or performed experiments on the corpses. The film is a somber, sad affair, with Dahmer’s troubled life followed from adolescence to adulthood. Renner gives a realistic portrayal of the man known as “The Milwaukee Cannibal,” and Bruce Davison is worth mentioning as his concerned father.

Tom Hiddleston (Loki)

Midnight in Paris (2011) – Sure, this may have been Woody Allen’s biggest movie in years, but it still didn’t play at any of the theatres within 50 miles of where I live. That’s why it makes the list, despite numerous Oscar nominations and critical raves. Owen Wilson stars as Gil Pender, a Hollywood screenwriter who’s working on his first novel with limited success. When he and his shallow fiancee (Rachel McAdams) journey to Paris, Gil takes a drunken midnight stroll through the city and winds up begin transported back to the 1920s. This is when the film is at its best, unlocking the true beauty of France while surrounding Gil with personalities such as Salvador Dali (Adrien Brody), Ernest Hemingway (Corey Stoll), Gertrude Stein (Kathy Bates), and F. Scott Fitzgerald (Tom Hiddleston).

Samuel L. Jackson (Nick Fury)

Cleaner (2007) – The critical community crapped on this thriller starring Samuel L. Jackson, but don’t let that discourage you from seeing it. Nick Fury plays Tom Cutler, an ex-cop who makes his living cleaning up crime scenes. But his humdrum–albeit gory–routine is interrupted when he’s hired to clean up considerable blood at a swank house, only to later find out that the crime had never been reported. Faced with the prospect of having destroyed evidence, Tom takes it on himself to get to the bottom of things. Co-starring Ed Harris, Eva Mendes, and Robert Forster.

Stellan Skarsgard (Dr. Erik Selvig)

A Somewhat Gentle Man (2010) – Moviegoers raised on American comedies may not know what to make of this Norwegian offering, but it’s highly recommended for more adventuresome cinephiles. The prolific Stellan Skarsgard stars as Ulrik, a criminal who’s released from prison after serving 12 years for murder. Now that he’s free, his colleagues in the underworld begin pressuring him to take revenge on the man who ratted him out.

Meanwhile, Ulrik seeks to renew his relationship with his son, but the young man’s fiancee doesn’t approve of convicted killers. There’s also the case of his landlady, a lonely senior who takes an erotic interest in Ulric much to his dismay. If you’re tired of lowbrow efforts from guys like Adam Sandler and Kevin James, take a risk on A Somewhat Gentle Man.

Cobie Smulders (Maria Hill)

The Slammin’ Salmon (2009) – It’s not exactly Monty Python, but The Slammin’ Salmon does manage to elicit some laughs thanks to the sheer enthusiasm of its cast (largely comprised of comedy troupe Broken Lizard). The premise revolves around “Slammin’” Cleon Salmon (Michael Clarke Duncan), a retired heavyweight champ who owns an upscale eatery in Miami. When he loses a bet to a Yakuza boss, Cleon has one night to come up with $20,000 in cash. So he proposes a contest to his employees: The waiter or waitress who makes the most money that evening will receive a $10,000 bonus, while last place gets beat up by the massive pugilist.

The bulk of the film follows the staff as they frantically entice customers to order the most expensive items on the menu. Meanwhile, we learn more about their individual backstories and quirks. And just to add extra pressure, Cleon drops by to issue threats and bask in the attention of his patrons. Michael Clarke Duncan is worth watching as the violent and somewhat dimwitted boss, while the waitstaff is highlighted by Jay Chandrasekhar and Cobie Smulders. Patrons include Will Forte, Lance Henriksen, Morgan Fairchild, Olivia Munn, and Vivica A. Fox.

Movies with The Avengers cast are varied, and genres range from comedies to dramas to thrillers. Once you’ve thrilled to the adventures of Thor, Captain America, Iron Man and company, be sure to watch a few of these titles and see the actors and actresses before they had superpowers. You may also want to check out the following links from Only Good Movies:

• Movies Coming Out in 2012 – In addition to The Avengers, a great deal of other titles will be released in 2012. This article lists them all and provides a brief summary and cast information.
• 10 Great Robert Downey Jr. Movie Moments – Robert Downey Jr. has been in a ton of films, and only a couple of them required him to wear flying high-tech armor. For more land-based examples of his acting ability, take a look at this article (includes clips).
• 12 Good Comic Book Movies – If you’re reading this article, you’re likely a fan of comic books. These dozen films are the best adaptations made to date.
• 12 Comic Books Which Deserve Their Own Movie – The Avengers isn’t the only comic book on the market, and many others are deserving of the big screen treatment. This OGM article lists 12 of the best.

While I’ve attempted to make this list of upcoming 2012 films as complete as possible, I’m only human. That means I’ve probably left out a few, especially when it comes to foreign and indie releases. If you notice an omission, be sure to let me know in the comments section. I’ll update the entry, thereby providing future readers with an even more complete rundown.

Movies Coming Out in May 2012

The summer movie scene is already in full swing in May, as numerous blockbusters-to-be are released. The Avengers is the one I’m waiting for, and it’s perhaps my most anticipated feature of all the movies coming out in 2012.

The Avengers (May 4th) – Marvel’s mightiest superhero team clashes with Loki (Tom Hiddleston) to save the planet. Written and directed by fanboy favorite Joss Whedon, the film stars Robert Downey Jr. (Iron Man), Chris Evans (Captain America), Mark Ruffalo (Dr. Bruce Banner aka The Hulk), Chris Hemsworth (Thor), Scarlett Johansson (Black Widow), Jeremy Renner (Hawkeye), Gwyneth Paltrow (Pepper Potts), and Samuel L. Jackson (Nick Fury). Also keep an eye out for Avengers co-creator Stan Lee in his 235th movie cameo.

Dark Shadows (May 11th) – Tim Burton takes the gothic TV soap opera about a 200-year-old vampire and brings it to the big screen. Johnny Depp stars as the undead Barnabas Collins, an 18th century fellow who pissed off a witch, got turned into a vampire, and then was buried alive. After being freed, he returns home to interact with his bizarre and frequently dangerous family. Co-starring Eva Green, Michelle Pfeiffer, Jonny Lee Miller, Chloe Moretz, Helena Bonham Carter, Jackie Earle Haley, and Alice Cooper (as himself). Look for the original Barnabas Collins–the late Jonathan Fridd–in a cameo.

The Dictator (May 16th) – The latest comedy from British funnyman Sacha Baron Cohen, The Dictator centers around Admiral General Aladeen (Cohen), the tyrannical dictator of the fictional Middle Eastern country of Wadiya. While previous flicks such as Borat and Bruno were essentially a series of gags strung together, The Dictator features a more conventional narrative structure and name cast members such as Ben Kingsley, Megan Fox, Anna Faris, and John C. Reilly. Something tells me that this won’t be a big hit in Arab countries (well, except maybe for Israel).

Battleship (May 18th) – Yes, the boardgame where players call out random coordinates to try and sink the opposing fleet has been turned into a movie. Aliens have been added to the mix, and they quickly clash with the forces of the Navy. Our heroes include a screw-up officer (Taylor Kitsch), his hottie girlfriend (Brooklyn Decker), and her disapproving father (Liam Neeson). Expect loads of special effects.

What to Expect When You’re Expecting (May 18th) – A star-studded chick flick about five couples preparing for childbirth. Stars Jennifer Lopez, Cameron Diaz, Elizabeth Banks, Brooklyn Decker, Anna Kendrick, Matthew Morrison, and Rodrigo Santoro.

Chernobyl Diaries (May 25th) – Based on a story by Paranormal Activity creator Oren Peli, this horror film details a group of moronic youths who decide to visit the abandoned and irradiated city that was once home to Chernobyl workers. As you might have guessed, the place isn’t as empty at it seems, and soon the ghosts of creepy Russian kids are running all over the place.

Men in Black 3 (May 25th) – Barry Sonnenfeld directed the first two films in the MIB franchise, so it’s only appropriate that he would return for the third. This time, Agent J (Will Smith) must travel back to 1969 to save Agent K (Tommy Lee Jones/Josh Brolin) from an alien assassin. Co-starring Emma Thompson, Bill Hader, Alice Eve, and a number of celebs making cameos.

Movies Coming Out in June 2012

The summer movie season is in full swing by this point, and June 2012 holds a wide array of options for eager moviegoers. Of these titles, I’m especially stoked about Prometheus, Ridley Scott’s sci-fi prequel to Alien.

Snow White and the Huntsman (June 1st) – This twist on the classic tale of Snow White stars Kristen Stewart and Chris Hemsworth as the title characters. Charlize Theron is the evil Queen Ravenna, although this fantasy film features a massive rebellion by the heroes. In case you’re wondering, the eight dwarves include such actors as Ian McShane, Bob Hoskins, Toby Jones, Nick Frost, and Ray Winstone.

Piranha 3DD (June 1st) – John Gulager (Feast) takes the reins of this bawdy 3D horror-comedy franchise, and this time the hungry, prehistoric piranha are turning up in swimming pools and the local waterpark. The cast includes an unusual mixture of names, including Danielle Panabaker, Christopher Lloyd, Ving Rhames (who appeared to die in the previous film), Gary Busey, David Hasselhoff, and Matt Bush. With Gulager in charge, expect this version to be even more outrageous than the last.

Madagascar 3: Europe’s Most Wanted (June 8th) – The third film in the computer-animated franchise finds Alex (voiced by Ben Stiller), Marty (Chris Rock), Melman (David Schwimmer) and Gloria (Jada Pinkett Smith) stranded in Europe while returning from their adventures in Africa. Pursued by an animal control officer (Frances McDormand), they join a traveling circus to hide out. The first film in the series to be done in 3D. Expect this one to clean up at the box office.

Prometheus (June 8th) – Set in the late 21st century, Ridley Scott’s film details the exploits of a crew exploring the remnants of an advanced alien race. Of course, you just know those little acid-blooded buggers will make an appearance sooner or later. The stellar cast includes Noomi Rapace, Michael Fassbender, Guy Pearce, Idris Elba, and Charlize Theron.

Rock of Ages (June 15th) – Based on the Broadway musical, the film follows the developing relationship between a busboy (Diego Boneta) and a waitress (Julianne Hough) during the 1980s. Co-starring Tom Cruise, Alec Baldwin, Russell Brand, Catherine Zeta-Jones, Paul Giamatti, Mary J. Blige, Bryan Cranston, and Malin Akerman.

That’s My Boy (June 15th) – Adam Sandler is the father. Andy Samberg is the son. After years apart, the dad shows up to reconcile on the eve of junior’s wedding. The bizarre cast includes Rex Ryan, Vanilla Ice, Dan Patrick, Susan Sarandon, Leighton Meester, Todd Bridges, and James Caan. I hope it’s better than some of the recent Adam Sandler movies.

Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter (June 22nd) – It turns out that President Abraham Lincoln (Benjamin Walker) was also a vampire hunter, and his war against the undead and their slave-owning minions was part of the reason for the Civil War. I hope this one’s a success, and keep an eye out in 2013 for Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters (no kidding).

Brave (June 22nd) – The 13th film from Pixar is set in the ancient days of Scotland and centers on Merida (voiced by Kelly Macdonald), the spirited daughter of a king. A tradition states that the winner of a competition will determine Merida’s future husband, but the young woman decides to enter the contest for herself and control her own destiny. Voices include Billy Connolly, Craig Ferguson, Emma Thompson, Kevin McKidd, and Robbie Coltrane.

Seeking a Friend for the End of the World (June 22nd) – With an asteroid on the way to wipe out all life on Earth, a man (Steve Carell) seeks out a former flame with the help of his neighbor (Keira Knightley). Also starring Adam Brody, William Peterson, Patton Oswalt, and Rob Corddry.

To Rome with Love (June 22nd) – Woody Allen’s latest romantic comedy is divided into four vignettes and stars Alec Baldwin, Penelope Cruz, Ellen Page, Antonio Albanese, and Roberto Benigni.

G.I. Joe: Retaliation (June 29th) – Picking up where the last film left off, Zartan (Arnold Vosloo) uses his position as the President of the United States to have Cobra Commander released and all G.I. Joe agents branded as traitors. When most of the heroes are wiped out in a sneak attack, the survivors must struggle to take back America from the forces of Cobra. Starring Dwayne Johnson, Bruce Willis, Channing Tatum, and Adrianne Palicki.

Magic Mike (June 29th) – Channing Tatum is the veteran male stripper, and Alex Pettyfer is his protege. They both work at Xquisite, a club run by a former stripper named Dallas (Matthew McConaughey. Keep an eye out for Olivia Munn and pro wrestler Kevin Nash (as a stripper named Tarzan). The latest wacko project from director Steven Soderbergh.

People Like Us (June 29th) – Chris Pine stars as a financially strapped man who attends his father’s funeral and learns that the will states he must deliver $150,000 in cash to an alcoholic sister he’s never met. Co-starring Olivia Wilde, Elizabeth Banks and Michelle Pfeiffer.

Tyler Perry’s Madea’s Witness Protection (June 29th) – The 14th film with Tyler Perry’s name attached to the title. This time around, Madea plays host to a family that’s been entered in the Witness Protection Program. Co-starring Eugene Levy, Denise Richards, John Amos, Marla Gibbs, and Doris Roberts.

Movies Coming Out in July 2012

Once upon a time, July was the undisputed king of the summer movie season. This has changed somewhat as blockbusters now get released in May and June, but July still features plenty of films that are destined to clean up at the box office. Case in point:

The Amazing Spider-Man (July 3rd) – Instead of continuing the series with star Tobey Maguire and director Sam Raimi, Columbia Pictures decided to reboot the franchise and put Spidey back in high school. This time he’s played by Andrew Garfield, and Emma Stone co-stars as love interest Gwen Stacy. Expect lots of teen angst, especially when The Lizard (Rhys Ifans) begins to make our hero’s life more complicated.

Savages (July 6th) – Oliver Stone gets back in the game with this crime thriller about a pair of marijuana growers (Taylor Kitsch and Aaron Johnson) who take on a Mexican drug cartel to rescue their hippie girlfriend (Blake Lively). Stone knows all about weed, so I at least expect the scenes involving cannabis to be highly accurate. Co-starring Uma Thurman, Salma Hayek, John Travolta, and Benicio del Toro.

Ice Age: Continental Drift (July 13th) – The fourth film in this popular computer-animated series finds unlucky prehistoric squirrel Scrat (Chris Wedge) once again in search of his precious acorn. But this time around, his quest has major consequences, forcing Manny (Ray Romano), Sid (John Leguizamo), and Diego (Dennis Leary) to undertake a life-changing adventure. Kids will love this one, and the Ice Age franchise always makes sure to include enough gags to keep adults awake.

Ted (July 13th) – Seth MacFarlane (Family Guy) makes his directorial debut with this tale of a Boston resident (Mark Wahlberg) whose childhood wish brough his favorite teddy bear–named Ted–to life. Now, years later, he’s looking to win over the woman of his dreams (Mila Kunis), but Ted’s disruptive behavior threatens the budding relationship.

The Dark Knight Rises (July 20th) – The conclusion to the Batman series starring Christian Bale and directed by Christopher Nolan. Set eight years after The Dark Knight, this film looks at Bruce Wayne’s continuing evolution as the grim protector of Gotham City. All the familiar faces from the franchise will return, and they’ll be joined by Anne Hathaway (Catwoman) and Tom Hardy (Bane).

Neighborhood Watch (July 27th) – Stressed out by their families, a group of suburbanites (including Ben Stiller, Vince Vaughn, Jonah Hill, and Richard Ayoade) start up a neighborhood watch organization as an excuse to get out of the house. But when they uncover an alien invasion plot, they have to man up and do something about it. If you’ve dreamed of seeing Jonah Hill vs. aliens, here’s your chance.

Step Up Revolution (July 27th) – The fourth film in the Step Up series finds a young woman (Kathryn McCormick) moving to Miami with dreams of becoming a professional dancer. When she falls for a fella (Ryan Guzman) who’s the leader of a talented dance crew, the duo are soon drawn into an effort to prevent the destruction of a historical neighborhood. It’s not every day that you see dancing combined with social protest.

Movies Coming Out in August 2012

I’m running out of insightful or clever things to say in these intros, so let’s get right to the movies coming out in August 2012:

The Bourne Legacy (August 3rd) – The fourth film of the franchise is set after the events of The Bourne Ultimatum, although Jason Bourne is nowhere to be found. The main character this time is Aaron Cross (Jeremy Renner), a badass secret agent forced to deal with the fallout from the Treadstone debacle, and he’ll be joined by the equally heroic Stephanie Snyder (Rachel Weisz). The bad guy is Edward Norton, and the fine supporting cast includes Joan Allen, Albert Finney, Scott Glenn, and David Strathairn.

Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Dog Days (August 3rd) – Zachary Gordon returns as Greg Heffley in the third film of the series. This one is based on two novels from Jeff Kinney, Dog Days and The Last Straw, and finds Greg trying to figure out what he’s going to do with all his free time during the summer.

Total Recall (August 3rd) – If you’re a fan of the original Arnold Schwarzenegger film, get ready for a number of changes. First off, there’s no trip to Mars. Instead, we get an earthbound power struggle between Euroamerica and New Shanghai in the year 2084. Colin Farrell stars as Doug Quaid, a laborer who signs up for a virtual vacation and inadvertently unlocks supressed memories about being a spy. But are these memories real or simple wish fulfillment? Co-starring Jessica Biel, Kate Beckinsale, Bryan Cranston, and Bill Nighy.

The Campaign (August 10th) – Will Ferrell and Zach Galifianakis show off their comedic chops as a pair of North Carolina residents competing for a congressional seat. Co-starring Brian Cox, John Lithgow, Dan Aykroyd, Dylan McDermott, and Jason Sudeikis.

Hope Springs (August 10th) – Tommy Lee Jones and Meryl Streep play a couple who seek counseling after 30 years of marriage. Turns out their marriage counselor is none other than Steve Carell. Let the hilarity begin!

The Expendables 2 (August 17th) – Some of your favorite actions stars–including Sylvester Stallone, Jet Li, Jason Statham, and Dolph Lundgren–once again hit the big screen as international mercenaries taking on impossible missions. This time they’re pitted against a team of rival mercs (led by Jean-Claude Van Damme), and one of their own is murdered. New faces to the franchise include Liam Hemsworth and Chuck Norris, and expect Bruce Willis and Arnold Schwarzenegger to expand on their cameos from the previous film.

ParaNorman (August 17th) – A spooky animated film about a young boy with a talent for speaking to the dead. When zombies begin to run amock in his hometown, he’ll have to find the courage to stop an ancient curse and deal with a bunch of lame grown-ups. Featuring the voices of Casey Affleck, Kodi-Smit McPhee, Tempestt Bledsoe.

Sparkle (August 17th) – A remake of the 1976 film about three sisters who form a singing group during the heyday of Motown. Jordin Sparks has the lead, and Whitney Houston co-stars as her mother (in her final film appearance).

The Apparition (August 24th) – A couple (Sebastian Stan and Ashley Greene) unwisely participates in a college experiement concerning the supernatural. Before long, they find themselves plagued by a malicious entity, and they must turn to an expert (Tom Felton) for help. Supposedly based on a true story, but take that with a grain of salt.

Hit and Run (August 24th) – When his girlfriend (Kristen Bell) needs a ride to Los Angeles, a former getaway driver (Dax Shepard) in the Witness Protection Program risks everything to help her. This action/comedy/romance co-stars Bradley Cooper, Beau Bridges, and Tom Arnold.

Premium Rush (August 24th) – Joseph Gordon-Levitt shows off his action side in this film about a New York City bicycle messenger being chased around town by a crooked cop (Michael Shannon).

7500 (August 31st) – While flying over the Pacific Ocean, a group of airline passengers come face-to-face with the supernatural. Starring Leslie Bibb, Jamie Chung, Amy Smart, and Scout Taylor-Compton.

Lawless (August 31st) – Set during the days of Prohibition, this John Hillcoat (The Road) film stars Shia LaBeouf, Tom Hardy and Jason Clarke as three brothers trying to keep their bootlegging business alive. Co-starring Gary Oldman, Guy Pearce, Mia Wasikowska, and Jessica Chastain.

The Possession (August 31st) – When a young girl buys an antique box at a yard sale, she has no idea that it’s cursed. Now, her father and mother must put aside their differences to help free her from a malevolent entity. Starring Jeffrey Dean Morgan and Kyra Sedgwick.

Movies Coming Out in September 2012

The biggest movies coming out in 2012 have come and gone, but that doesn’t mean a number of quality releases can’t be found as the weather starts to turn cooler. Check out this list of the movies coming out in September 2012:

Finding Nemo 3D (September 14th) – The 2003 animated hit from Pixar gets a new release and the 3D treatment. In case you’re unfamiliar, it centers around a father (voiced by Albert Brooks) who goes searching for his missing son (Alexander Gould). And since it’s a Pixar film, it should come as no surprise that the characters are fish instead of people. It made over $850 million at the box office the first time around.

For a Good Time, Call…(September 14th) – Two college pals (Lauren Miller and Ari Graynor) get themselves a swank NYC apartment, but mounting bills force them to start a phone sex line to make ends meet. Co-starring Seth Rogen and Justin Long.

Resident Evil: Retribution (September 14th) – This is the fifth film in the series, and this time zombie-killing badass Alice (Milla Jovovich) finds herself in the heart of Umbrella’s headquarters. Numerous revelations have been promised, and you can expect lots of whacked-out monsters waiting to be gunned down. Michelle Rodriguez–supposedly killed in the first film–makes a return.

Dredd (September 21st) – After the Americans messed it all up (Sylvester Stallone and Rob Schneider!), the Brits finally have a shot at bringing their homegrown hero to the big screen. I’m talking about Judge Dredd (Karl Urban), a no-nonsense cop patrolling a massive city in a post-apocalyptic world. Olivia Thirlby co-stars as his new partner, and Lena Headey plays the head of a terrorist organization.

House at the End of the Street (September 21st) – Elisabeth Shue and Jennifer Lawrence play a mother and daughter who move to a new town and learn the house next door holds horrifying secrets.

Killing Them Softly (September 21st) – Brad Pitt lends his starpower to this tale of an underworld employee (Pitt) who investigates a robbery that was pulled during a mob-protected poker game. Co-starring James Gandolfini, Richard Jenkins and Ray Liotta. Based on the 1974 novel Cogan’s Trade.

The Words (September 21st) – Bradley Cooper stars as Rory Jansen, a celebrated author who has a secret: He stole his work from someone else. Now he has to pay the price, but how high will it be? Co-starring Jeremy Irons, Zoey Saldana, Olivia Wilde, and Dennis Quaid.

End of Watch (September 28th) – Jake Gyllenhaal and Michael Pena star in this gritty tale of cops and the daily perils of the their job. The footage is shot with handheld cameras to capture the immediacy of the situation, and the film co-stars Anna Kendrick and America Ferrera.

Hotel Transylvania (September 28th) – Dracula (voiced by Adam Sandler) owns a fabulous resort that caters to monsters. It’s also his daughter’s (Selena Gomez) 118th birthday, and he’s invited plenty of his friends to celebrate. But when a normal human (Andy Samberg) arrives by mistake, Dracula must keep his little girl from falling in love. A computer-animated comedy that also features the voices of Kevin James, Fran Drescher, Cee Lo Green, and David Spade.

Looper (September 28th) – In the year 2042, Joe (Joseph Gordon-Levitt) makes his living as a “looper,” which means he kills and disposes of people who are sent to him from the year 2072. But when the older version of himself (Bruce Willis) arrives as a victim, Joe can’t resist letting him escape. Big mistake. Now the mob is after Joe, and he’s got to track down his older and meaner counterpart.

Trouble with the Curve (September 28th) – You might have thought that Gran Torino was Clint Eastwood’s final acting role, but now he returns in this tale of an elderly baseball scout who brings his daughter (Amy Adams) along as he prepares to look at one last big league prospect. Co-starring Justin Timberlake, John Goodman, and Matthew Lillard.

Won’t Back Down (September 28th) – Two mothers try to cut through all the red tape and improve the quality of their local inner-city school. Starring Viola Davis, Maggie Gyllenhaal, Holly Hunter, and Ving Rhames.

Movies Coming Out in October 2012

Since Halloween is right around the corner, you can always expect at least a few horror movies to get released in the month of October. For my money, I’m stoked about Taken 2, as it provides yet another opportunity to ogle Famke Janssen and Maggie Grace, not to mention watch Liam Neeson open a can of whoop-ass.

Butter (October 5th) – An adopted girl (Yara Shahidi) fnds out she’s a natural at sculpting butter, and her newfound talent pits her against the obsessed wife (Jennifer Garner) of the current champion (Ty Burrell). An ensemble comedy that also includes Olivia Wilde, Hugh Jackman, Rob Corddry, and Alicia Silverstone.

Frankenweenie (October 5th) – Tim Burton expands upon his 1984 short film about a young boy who turns to science to resurrect his recently deceased dog. Shot with stop motion, this animated dark comedy includes the voices of Charlie Tahan, Winona Ryder, Martin Landau, Catherine O’Hara, Martin Short, and Christopher Lee. Expect the usual dose of dark colors, quirky characters, and Danny Elfman music.

Sinister (October 5th) – A crime novelist (Ethan Hawke) moves into a new home and witnesses the death of the previous residents thanks to some found footage. Unfortunately, this also awakens a most unpleasant supernatural being. Co-starring Vincent D’Onofrio.

Taken 2 (October 5th) – Retired badass Bryan Mills (Liam Neeson) and his wife (Famke Janssen) are kidnapped by the father of one of the men he killed in the previous film. Maggie Grace is back, and the always excellent Rade Serbedzija also joins the cast. Directed by Olivier Megaton (Colombiana and Transporter 3).

The Master (October 12th) – Paul Thomas Anderson helms this drama about a post-WWII religion with similarities to Scientology. Philip Seymour Hoffman plays the founder of the faith, while Joaquin Phoenix is his idealistic right-hand man. Co-starring Amy Adams and Laura Dern.

Here Comes the Boom (October 12th) – When his school’s music program is in danger of being eliminated, a mild-mannered biology teacher (Kevin James) begins raising money by entering MMA events. Co-starring Salma Hayek, Henry Winkler, Joe Rogan, Bas Rutten, and Melissa Peterman. Directed by Frank Coraci (The Waterboy).

Argo (October 12th) – Set during the 1979 Iran hostage crisis, this Ben Affleck movie tells the true story of six U.S. diplomats who attempt to get out of the country by posing as a film crew scouting locations for a project called Argo. Starring Affleck, Bryan Cranston, John Goodman, Clea DuVall, Kyle Chandler, Michael Parks, and Alan Arkin.

The Big Wedding (October 19th) – When their family gathers for a wedding, a couple who’ve been divorced for years must once again pretend to be happily married. Stars Robert DeNiro, Amanda Seyfried, Robin Williams, Topher Grace, Katherine Heigl, Susan Sarandon, and Diane Keaton. Wanna take bets on whether or not they fall in love again?

Paranormal Activity 4 (October 19th) – Yet another installment in this surprisingly long-running franchise. The details aren’t clear at this time, but that’s been the story will previous releases. Expect lots of found footage and plenty of jump-out-of-your-seat scares.

Silent Hill: Revelation 3D (Ocotber 26th) – Ever since the events of the previous film, Heather Mason (Adelaide Clemens) has been on the run with her father (Sean Bean). But when her 18th birthday arrives, and her father goes missing, Heather begins to learn a number of terrifying truths about her origin. Co-starring Carrie-Anne Moss, Kit Harrington, Radha Mitchell and Malcolm McDowell.

Of Men and Mavericks (Ocotber 26th) – This sports drama stars Jonny Weston as Jay Moriarity, a surfer who’s determined to ride the California break known as Mavericks. Co-starring Gerard Butler, Leven Rambin, Elisabeth Shue, and Abigail Spencer.

Alex Cross (Ocotber 26th) – Tyler Perry takes off his dress to play Alex Cross, a Washington DC detective searching for the serial killer who murdered a member of his family. The talented supporting cast includes Rachel Nichols, Matthew Fox, Jean Reno, and Edward Burns.

Fun Size (Ocotber 26th) – Nickelodeon favorite Victoria Justice stars as Wren, a clever teen who loses her brother on Halloween night and tries to track him down. Also featuring Jane Levy, Thomas Mann, Chelsea Handler, and the thespian skills of Johnny Knoxville.

Movies Coming Out in November 2012

As 2012 enters the home stretch, the following films can be expected to be unleashed on your local multiplex. Of this bunch, I’m most enthusiastic about the return of 007 in Skyfall.

Wreck-It Ralph (November 2nd) – A computer-animated flick from Disney feauturing the voice of John C. Reilly as Wreck-It Ralph, a massive arcade game villain who sets out to show that he can be a hero. Also featuring voice work from Sarah Silverman, Jack McBrayer, and Jane Lynch.

Red Dawn (November 2nd) – Originally scheduled for a 2010 release, this story of small-town American teens who resist a foreign invasion will finally hit theatres. The North Koreans are the bad guys this time, replacing China during the post-production process (and Russia in the original). The “teens” will be played by Chris Hemsworth, Josh Peck, Adrianna Palicki, Isabel Lucas, and Josh Hutcherson. Jeffrey Dean Morgan will take over the Powers Booth role as the veteran soldier who helps mentor the kids.

The Guilt Trip (November 2nd) – Barbra Streisand and Seth Rogen star as a mother-son duo who take a trip across the United States. That should tell you everything you need to know about this one.

Skyfall (November 9th) – James Bond is back! In the 23rd film of the franchise, Bond must save MI6 from the threat of the villainous Raoul Silva (Javier Bardem). Daniel Craig returns in the lead role, and he’s joined by Ralph Fiennes, Judi Dench, Albert Finney and Naomie Harris. After being absent from the last two films, gadget geeks will also be delighted by the appearance of Q (Ben Whishaw). Directed by Sam Mendes (American Beauty).

The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn: Part 2 (November 16th) – The blockbuster Twilight series finally comes to a close. This time, the newborn child of Bella (Kristen Stewart) and Edward (Robert Pattinson) is threatened by the Volturi, and it’s up to the Cullens and other vampire clans to protect her. You can also expect Jacob (Taylor Lautner) to play a sizable role, especially since he became bound to protect young Renesmee in the previous film. You can also expect him to spend most of the movie without a shirt.

47 Ronin (November 21st) – When their master is slain and they wind up banished, a group of 47 samurai go looking for revenge against a corrupt Lord Kira (Tadanobu Asano). Believe it or not, the lead character is played by Keanu Reeves, a half-British and half-Japanese outcast who has nothing to do with the real-life story and national legend of Japan. Just imagine if the Japanese made a version of The Alamo and cast one of their own as the hero who helps out Davey Crockett and William Travis.

Gravity (November 21st) – When debris collides with a space station, all but two of the astronauts aboard are killed. That just leaves Ryan Stone (George Clooney) and Matt Kowalsky (Sandra Bullock), and the duo’s struggle for survival makes up the bulk of this sci-fi thriller. Directed by Alfonso Cuaron (Children of Men).

The Silver Linings Playbook (November 21st) – This David O. Russell comedy stars Bradley Cooper as Pat Peoples, an ex-teacher who spends four years in a mental institution and then tries to reconnect with his ex after moving in with his parents. Co-starring Robert DeNiro, Jennifer Lawrence, Chris Tucker, and Anupam Kher. Based on the Matthew Quick novel.

Rise of the Guardians (November 21st) – Blending action and comedy, this computer-animated film tells the story of legendary guardians of children–including Santa Claus (Alec Baldwin), the Tooth Fairy (Isla Fisher), Jack Frost (Chris Pine), and the Easter Bunny (Hugh Jackman)–who must combine forces to keep the Bogeyman (Jude Law) from bringing perpetual darkness and despair to the world.

Movies Coming Out in December 2012

The following films will be released during the final month of 2012. While The Hobbit should be a great deal of fun, I’m most looking forward to Django Unchained, Quentin Tarantino’s latest project.

Hyde Park on Hudson (December 7th) – Bill Murray plays President Franklin D. Roosevelt in this tale of the leader’s affair with his cousin (Laura Linney) during the 1939 visit of the King and Queen of England.

The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey (December 14th) – After the success of the Lord of the Rings trilogy, director Peter Jackson goes back to the J.R.R. Tolkien well with this two-part adaptation about the adventures of Bilbo Baggins (Martin Freeman). Expect to see plenty of faces from the LOTR series, as Ian McKellen, Christopher Lee, Cate Blanchett, Orlando Bloom, Elijah Wood, Hugo Weaving and Andy Serkis have all signed on. The second part of the film–The Hobbit: There and Back Again– will be released in December of 2013.

Les Miserables (December 14th) – The musical adaptation of the classic Victor Hugo novel gets the big screen treatment in the latest project from Tom Hooper (The King’s Speech). Hugh Jackman stars as the heroic Jean Valjean, and he’s joined by Russell Crowe (Inspector Javert) and Anne Hathaway (Fantine).

Hunter Killer (December 21st) – When a crazed general kidnaps the Russian president, it’s up to Navy Seals and an American submarine officer to rescue him. Directed by Antoine Fuqua and starring Gerard Butler (and maybe Sam Worthington, according to rumors).

Untitled Kathryn Bigelow Project (December 21st) – While it doesn’t have a title yet, this latest feature from Oscar-winning director Kathryn Bigelow revolves around the mission that terminated Osama bin Laden. The cast includes Joel Edgerton, Mark Strong, Jessica Chastain, and Kyle Chandler.

Life of Pi (December 21st) – While stranded on a lifeboat in the Pacific Ocean, a young Indian boy nicknamed Pi (Suraj Sharma) must survive and explore his spirituality while surrounded by a Bengal tiger and various other exotic animals. Directed by Ang Lee, the film is adapted from Yann Martel’s best-selling 2001 novel and co-stars Tobey Maguire and Gerard Depardieu.

One Shot (December 21st) – Tom Cruise stars as Jack Reacher, the badass drifter hero of the popular Lee Child series. In this film, Reacher is called upon by the accused to investigate a sniper’s rampage that left five people dead. Robert Duvall, Richard Jenkins, Werner Herzog and Rosamund Pike co-star. It’s interesting to note that Reacher was 6’5″ in the novels and known for his raw power, something that wasn’t lost on fans when Cruise signed up for the lead.

This Is Forty (December 21st) – Director Judd Apatow assembles some familiar faces–including Paul Rudd, Leslie Mann, Jason Segal, Megan Fox, Albert Brooks, John Lithgow, and Melissa McCarthy–for this comedic spin-off of 2007′s Knocked Up.

Django Unchained (December 25th) – Set in the years before the Civil War, Quentin Tarantino’s Western stars Jamie Foxx as Django, a freed slave who goes searching for his wife (Kerry Washington) with the assistance of a German bounty hunter (Christoph Waltz). Leonardo DiCaprio co-stars as Calvin Candie, the slave owner in possession of the young woman. The wonderful supporting cast is rounded out by Kurt Russell, Samuel L. Jackson, Don Johnson, Tom Savini, and Sacha Baron Cohen.

The Great Gatsby (December 25th) – Leonardo DiCaprio stars as the charismatic title character in this screen adaptation of F. Scott Fitzgerald’s 1925 literary masterpiece about love and tragedy in the Roaring ’20s. Joel Edgerton and Carey Mulligan are unhappy couple Tom and Daisy Buchanan, while Tobey Maguire stars as lead character Nick Carraway.

Playing the Field (December 25th) – George (Gerard Butler) is a former athlete who’s always been a crappy dad. He tries to change all that by becoming the coach of his kid’s soccer team. Unfortunately, all those hot soccer moms hanging around–including Jessica Biel, Catherine Zeta-Jones, and Uma Thurman–aren’t going to make things easy. Dennis Quaid co-stars.

Parental Guidance (December 25th) – Billy Crystal plays a granfather who gets stuck watching his grandkids while his daughter goes to work. In the beginning, the lovable old fella tries to employ modern methods to get the kids to behave, but he soon finds himself resorting to an old school style of discipline. This comedy co-stars Marisa Tomei and Bette Midler.

That completes our look at all the movies coming out in 2012. This should be a great year for cinephiles, whether you’re a fan of highbrow art or lowbrow trash. And just in case you’re still in the mood to read about cinema, here are a few other quality links from Only Good Movies:

• Good Action Movies
• 10 Movie Roles Megan Fox Should’ve Played
• Top 85 Robot Movies
• 10 Good Colin Firth Movies

Set in a fantastical world, The Princess Bride tells the story of Buttercup and Westley, two young people who fall deeply in love with one another. But when Westley is believed killed by the Dread Pirate Roberts, the grieving Buttercup is whisked away to marry Prince Humperdinck, the thoroughly rotten heir to the throne of Florin. Then she’s kidnapped by a band of thieves (including a giant from Greenland and a skilled Spanish swordsman), and a mysterious man in black shows up for an attempted rescue.

From there, we get battles with giant rodents, epic sword battles, an albino, and even a six-fingered sadist. And the whole thing is framed as a fairy tale that’s being read by a grandfather to his ailing grandson. It’s great fun that’s appropriate for all ages, and I can’t recommend The Princess Bride enough.

I’ve broken this list of Princess Bride quotes into sections dedicated to each character. If you can think of any classic dialogue from the film that I’ve overlooked, be sure to drop me a line in the comments section. Enjoy.

16 Quotes from Westley / Dread Pirate Roberts

Westley (Cary Elwes) begins as a simple farmhand, but he undergoes a great transformation after journeying into the world to make enough money to marry Buttercup. He’s the undisputed hero of The Princess Bride, and his quotes range from the comedic to the absurdly serious.

1. “As you wish.”

2. “This is true love – you think this happens every day?”

3. “Death cannot stop true love. All it can do is delay it for a while.”

4. “We are men of action, lies do not become us.”

5. “Oh, what I wouldn’t give for a holocaust cloak.”

6. “There’s a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. It would be a pity to damage yours.”

7. “Truly, you have a dizzying intellect.”

8. (When challenged to fight to the death) “No. To the pain.”

9. “I’ll explain and I’ll use small words so that you’ll be sure to understand, you warthog faced buffoon.”

10. “I spent the last few years building up an immunity to iocane powder.”

11. “It’s possible, pig, I might be bluffing. It’s conceivable, you miserable, vomitous mass, that I’m only lying here because I lack the strength to stand. But, then again…perhaps I have the strength after all.”

12. “I do not envy you the headache you will have when you awake. But for now, rest well and dream of large women.”

13. “You mean, you’ll put down your rock and I’ll put down my sword, and we’ll try and kill each other like civilized people?”

14. “Life is pain, Highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something.”

15. “No one would surrender to the Dread Pirate Westley.”

16. “Have you ever considered piracy? You’d make a wonderful Dread Pirate Roberts.”

8 Quotes from Inigo Montoya

After his father was murdered, an 11-year-old Inigo Montoya swore vengeance on the six-fingered murderer. Now 20 years later, Inigo (Mandy Patinkin) finds himself caught up in an epic adventure that may finally allow him to attain his goal.

1. “Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.”

2. “I do not mean to pry, but you don’t by any chance happen to have six fingers on your right hand?”

3. “There’s not a lot of money in revenge.”

4. “You seem a decent fellow… I hate to kill you.”

5. “Do you hear that, Fezzik? That is the sound of ultimate suffering. My heart made that sound when the six-fingered man killed my father. The Man in Black makes it now.”

6. “I have been in the revenge business so long, now that it’s over, I don’t know what to do with the rest of my life.”

7. “I want my father back, you son of a bitch!”

8. “There will be blood tonight!”

3 Quotes from Buttercup

The beautiful Buttercup (Robin Wright) is a farmer’s daughter who becomes the objective of most of the characters in The Princess Bride. Some want to marry her, while others would prefer to kill her.

1. “I will never doubt again.”

2. “You can’t hurt me. Westley and I are joined by the bonds of love. And you cannot track that, not with a thousand bloodhounds, and you cannot break it, not with a thousand swords.”

3. “You mocked me once, never do it again! I died that day!”

5 Quotes from Fezzik

Played the Andre the Giant, Fezzik is a massive individual who’s best friends with the Inigo Montoya. Originally hired to kidnap and then murder Buttercup, he winds up becoming one of the tale’s heroes.

1. “I only dog paddle.”

2. “You be careful. People in masks cannot be trusted.”

3. “You’ve been mostly-dead all day.”

4. “It’s not my fault being the biggest and the strongest. I don’t even exercise.”

5. “I fight gangs for local charities and stuff.”

4 Quotes from Prince Humperdinck

Vain and cowardly, Prince Humperdinck (Chris Sarandon) can’t become the ruler of Florin soon enough for his liking. In fact, he already has plans to start a war with a neighboring country and increase his holdings. Audience members will enjoy seeing him get his unconventional comeuppance during the final act.

1. “Tyrone, you know how much I love watching you work, but I’ve got my country’s 500th anniversary to plan, my wedding to arrange, my wife to murder and Guilder to frame for it. I’m swamped.”

2. “You truly love each other and so you might have been truly happy. Not one couple in a century has that chance, no matter what the story books say. And so I think no man in a century will suffer as greatly as you will.”

3. “Please consider me as an alternative to suicide.”

4. “That may be the first time in my life a man has dared insult me.”

6 Quotes from Vizzini

A Sicilian mastermind, Vizzini (Wallace Shawn) is hired to abduct and kill Buttercup in an effort to frame the kingdom of Guilder. He has a famous showdown with the mysterious man in black, where he must decide which of two goblets are poisoned.

1. “Am I going mad, or did the word ‘think’ escape your lips? You were not hired for your brains, you hippopotamic land mass.”

2. “I’ve hired you to help me start a war. It’s a prestigious line of work, with a long and glorious tradition.”

3. “Inconceivable!”

4. “Because iocane comes from Australia, as everyone knows, and Australia is entirely peopled with criminals, and criminals are used to having people not trust them, as you are not trusted by me, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you.”

5. “You fool! You fell victim to one of the classic blunders – The most famous of which is ‘never get involved in a land war in Asia’ – but only slightly less well-known is this: ‘Never go against a Sicilian when death is on the line!’ Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha…”

6. “You’re trying to kidnap what I’ve rightfully stolen.”

5 Quotes from Miracle Max

Billy Crystal has a small part as Miracle Max, an individual who once performer miracles for the ruler of Florin. He’s since been sacked by Prince Humperdinck, which proves enough motivation to convince him to help the heroes with a matter of great importance.

1. “You rush a miracle man, you get rotten miracles.”

2. “The King’s stinking son fired me, and thank you so much for bringing up such a painful subject. While you’re at it, why don’t you give me a nice paper cut and pour lemon juice on it? We’re closed.”

3. “Have fun stormin’ da castle.”

4. “Sonny, true love is the greatest thing, in the world-except for a nice MLT – mutton, lettuce and tomato sandwich, where the mutton is nice and lean and the tomato is ripe.”

5. “Whoo-hoo-hoo, look who knows so much. It just so happens that your friend here is only MOSTLY dead. There’s a big difference between mostly dead and all dead. Mostly dead is slightly alive. With all dead, well, with all dead there’s usually only one thing you can do.” (When asked what, he replies “Go through his clothes and look for loose change.”)

4 Quotes from Count Tyrone Rugen

Christopher Guest plays Count Rugen, the six-fingered advisor to Prince Hunperdinck. When he’s not killing innocent people or planning to start wars, Rugen enjoys creating new torture devices. The following are the best Princess Bride quotes uttered by Count Rugen:

1. “As you know, the concept of the suction pump is centuries old. Really that’s all this is except that instead of sucking water, I’m sucking life. I’ve just sucked one year of your life away. I might one day go as high as five, but I really don’t know what that would do to you. So, let’s just start with what we have. What did this do to you? Tell me. And remember, this is for posterity so be honest. How do you feel?”

2. “Your princess is quite a winning creature. A trifle simple, perhaps. Her appeal is undeniable.”

3. “Get some rest. If you haven’t got your health, then you haven’t got anything.”

4. “You must be that little Spanish brat I taught a lesson to all those years ago. You’ve been chasing me your whole life only to fail now? I think that’s about the worst thing I’ve ever heard. (pauses) How marvelous.”

5 Quotes from The Grandfather

Peter Falk plays this role, and The Princess Bride is presented as a tale he’s reading to his sick grandson. While his role is small, he does get to speak the film’s final line.

1. “When I was your age, television was called books. And this is a special book. It was the book my father used to read to me when I was sick, and I used to read it to your father. And today I’m gonna read it to you.”

2. “Nothing gave Buttercup as much pleasure as ordering Westley around.”

3. “Keep your shirt on, and let me read.”

4. “Since the invention of the kiss there have been five kisses that were rated the most passionate, the most pure. This one left them all behind.”

5. (When asked if he will come back and read the book again) “As you wish.”

5 Quotes from The Grandson

Fred Savage plays the grandson, a sick kid who wants no part of a book about romance. But as the tale of The Princess Bride unfolds, he finds that he likes the book more than he initially imagined.

1. “I wasn’t nervous. Maybe I was a little bit ‘concerned’ but that’s not the same thing.”

2. “Is this a kissing book?”

3. “They’re kissing again. Do we have to read the kissing parts?”

4. “Murdered by pirates is good…”

5. “Grandpa, maybe you could come over and read it again to me tomorrow.”

5 Quotes from The Impressive Clergyman

People with speech impediments won’t be amused by the Peter Cook character, but almost everyone else will. The Impressive Clergyman presides over the wedding between Buttercup and Humperdinck, a process that turns hilarious thanks to his inability to pronounce “R” and “L” sounds.

1. “Mawage. Mawage is wot bwings us togeder tooday. Mawage, that bwessed awangment, that dweam wifin a dweam…”

2. “And wuv, tru wuv, will fowow you foweva…”

3. “So tweasure your wuv.”

4. “Have you the wing?”

5. “…and do you, Pwincess Buwwercup…”

I hope these Princess Bride quotes have got you in the mood to see the movie. Viewers watching for the first time will love the action and romance, while longtime fans will have a chance to once again visit a fantastic–and frequently funny–world populated by all manner of endearing characters. But before you turn away from the Internet in favor of your TV, be sure to check out these other quote-based articles from Only Good Movies:

• Best Movie Quotes of 2007
• Best Movie Quotes of 2008
• Good Nicolas Cage Quotes
• 25 Movie Quotes about Life

Whether you’re a long-time fan of Monroe or simply curious, you’ll find this list comprises everything from sad musings on life and love to surprisingly clever witticisms. It’s become clear over the years that Monroe was much smarter than her on-screen persona, and one has to wonder how her career would’ve been viewed if given another two decades to perform.

I’ll begin by providing quotes from Marilyn Monroe movies, including Some Like It Hot, Gentlemen Prefer Blondes, and The Seven Year Itch. Afterwards, we’ll move on to quotes provided by the icon herself. Finally, we’ll close out the article with 10 quotes about Marilyn Monroe provided by everyone from Paris Hilton to Sharon Stone.

6 Marilyn Monroe Quotes from Some Like It Hot

In the comedy classic Some Like It Hot, Monroe plays “Sugar” Kane Kowalczyk, a sultry singer who captures the attention of two struggling musicians (Jack Lemmon and Tony Curtis) on the run from a mobster. Voted as the greatest American comedy by the AFI, the film is notable for the male leads dressing up in drag. Here are some of Marilyn Monroe’s best lines from Some Like It Hot:

1. “It’s not how long it takes, it’s who’s taking you.”

2. “Story of my life. I always get the fuzzy end of the lollipop.”

3. “I don’t care how rich he is, as long as he has a yacht, his own private railroad car, and his own toothpaste.”

4. “A herring? Isn’t it amazing how they get those big fish into those little glass jars?”

5. “It’s me, Sugar!”

6. “If my mother could only see me now.”

Gentlemen Prefer Blondes – Marilyn Monroe Quotes

Marilyn Monroe and Jane Russell show off their curves as showgirls in this Howard Hawks comedy from 1953. Monroe plays Lorelei Lee, a lovable golddigger with a talent for wrapping men around her little finger. Her famous pink dress has been worn by everyone from Anna Nicole Smith to Madonna, and her rendition of “Diamonds Are a Girl’s Best Friend” remains a high point of classic cinema. Here are some of Marilyn Monroe’s best lines from Gentlemen Prefer Blondes:

1. (To the father of a prospective beau) “I want to marry him for YOUR money.”

2. “Don’t you know that a man being rich is like a girl being pretty? You wouldn’t marry a girl just because she’s pretty, but my goodness, doesn’t it help?”

3. “I always say a kiss on the hand might feel very good, but a diamond tiara lasts forever.”

4. “Dorothy, please, a lady never admits her feet hurt.”

5. “I can be smart when it’s important.”

6. (Talking about a tiara) “You DO wear it on your head. I just LOVE finding new places to wear diamonds.”

7. “Excuse me, but what is the way to Europe, France?”

8. “I want you to find happiness and stop having fun.”

9. “There was an old man named Sidney…Who drank till he ruined a kidney. It shriveled and shrank, but he drank and he drank…He had his fun doing it, didn’t he?”

7 Quotes from The Seven Year Itch by Marilyn Monroe

Marilyn Monroe was the object of affection for men all across the globe, and this 1955 Billy Wilder comedy makes good use of that fact. She co-stars as The Girl, a model who moves into the apartment above a married executive (Tom Ewell) and continually makes him doubt his commitment to his wife. The scene where The Girl’s dress is blown up by a passing subway train remains one of the most lasting images in American cinema. In case you missed it, here are some of Marilyn Monroe’s best lines from The Seven Year Itch:

1. “Rachmaninoff…It isn’t fair…Every time I hear it, I go to pieces…It shakes me, it quakes me. It makes me feel goose-pimply all over. I don’t know where I am or who I am or what I’m doing. Don’t stop. Don’t stop. Don’t ever stop!”

2. “When it gets hot like this, you know what I do? I keep my undies in the icebox!”

3. “I think it’s just elegant to have an imagination. I just have no imagination at all. I have lots of other things, but I have no imagination.”

4. “Hey, did you ever try dunking a potato chip in champagne? It’s real crazy!”

5. “A stairway to nowhere! I think that’s just elegant.”

6. “You sure have strong thumbs!”

7. “Hi. It’s me, don’t you remember? The tomato from upstairs.”

22 Real Life Quotes from Marilyn Monroe

Now that we’ve looked at some of the best movies lines from Marilyn Monroe, let’s take a look at some of her more memorable real-life quotes. As you’ll quickly learn, there was a lot more to the actress than her good looks and little girl voice.

1. “I’m selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can’t handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best.”

2. “If you’re gonna be two-faced at least make one of them pretty.”

3. “I have feelings too. I am still human. All I want is to be loved, for myself and for my talent. ”

4. “Dogs never bite me. Just humans.”

5. “It takes a smart brunette to play a dumb blonde.”

6. “All little girls should be told they are pretty, even if they aren’t.”

7. “An actress is not a machine, but they treat you like a machine. A money machine.”

8. “I am good, but not an angel. I do sin, but I am not the devil. I am just a small girl in a big world trying to find someone to love.”

9. “A career is wonderful, but you can’t curl up with it on a cold night.”

10. “Arthur Miller wouldn’t have married me if I had been nothing but a dumb blonde.”

11. “There’s only one sort of natural blonde on earth – albinos.”

12. “The body is meant to be seen, not all covered up.”

13. “Hollywood is a place where they’ll pay you a thousand dollars for a kiss and fifty cents for your soul. I know, because I turned down the first offer often enough and held out for the fifty cents.”

14. “Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition.”

15. “Sometimes I’ve been to a party where no one spoke to me for a whole evening. The men, frightened by their wives or sweeties…the ladies would gang up in a corner and discuss my dangerous character.”

16. “If you can make a girl laugh, you can make her do anything.”

17. “A wise girl kisses but doesn’t love, listens but doesn’t believe, and leaves before she is left.”

18. “I learned to walk as a baby and I haven’t had a lesson since.”

19. “It’s better to be unhappy alone than unhappy with someone.”

20. “I don’t know who invented high heels, but all women owe him a lot”

21. “The nicest thing for me is sleep, then at least I can dream.”

22. “It’s not true that I had nothing on. I had the radio on.”

10 Quotes about Marilyn Monroe

Finally, let’s look at a few quotes about Marilyn Monroe from other individuals. As you’ll notice, the blonde superstar was a polarizing figure, so expect complimentary quotes as well as some that are downright nasty. Fifty years after her death, people are still talking about her.

1. “You can take Elvis. You can take Marilyn Monroe. Success and fame will not be the answer if something inside of you is bothering you, if things in your mind aren’t going right.” (Linda Evans)

2. “There’s nobody in the world like me. I think every decade has an iconic blonde, like Marilyn Monroe or Princess Diana and, right now, I’m that icon.” (Paris Hilton)

3. “By the way, Marilyn Monroe was a size 14.” (Issey Miyake)

4. “I remember her on the screen, huge as a colossus doll, mincing and whispering and simply hoping her way into total vulnerability.” (Gloria Steinem)

5. “I loved the movies and I wanted to be like Marilyn Monroe. I thought she was so glamorous and everyone seemed to love her. I wanted to be like that and I told everyone I would be the next Marilyn Monroe.” (Sharon Stone)

6. “I’d kill myself if I was as fat as Marilyn Monroe.” (Elizabeth Hurley)

7. “I used to sit near Marilyn Monroe in the Actor’s Studio. She’d get dressed up because that was her identity. Sad. Those cameras wouldn’t leave her alone. She didn’t know where to hide.” (Doris Roberts)

8. “I just feel a connection with Marilyn Monroe. I just love her. I just completely feel what she went through.” (Anna Nicole Smith)

9. “Hollywood didn’t kill Marilyn Monroe, it’s the Marilyn Monroes who are killing Hollywood.” (Billy Wilder)

10. “I don’t really think she’s been out of fashion for very long. She’s an iconic figure, maybe the most beautiful, the most enduring blond ever. That’s why 50 years later, she remains as iconic as she ever was.” (Anjelica Huston)

That wraps up our look at some of the all-time best Marilyn Monroe quotes. Despite her death at the age of 36, Monroe remains a major Hollywood icon, and her image can be found on every kind of merchandise imaginable. For even more famous quotes from cinema, please take a look at the following:

• Movie Quotes about Love
• Lindsay Lohan Quotes
• Mel Gibson Quotes
• 101 Charlie Sheen Quotes

In honor of his latest big-screen release, I wanted to reveal my list of the 10 best Jason Statham movies ever made. Each of these films is guaranteed to be packed with action, but don’t be surprised if the former male model takes an opportunity to show off his romantic or comedic side along the way. In the end, though, it’s all about kicking ass and taking names.

10. The Expendables (2010) – Jason Statham gets second billing in this Sylvester Stallone film about a group of middle-aged mercenaries who take on a Latin American dictator. The roster of the film includes a virtual who’s who of action stars and all-around tough guys, including Stallone, Jet Li, Dolph Lundgren, Steve Austin, Mickey Rourke, Terry Crews, and Randy Couture. Even Bruce Willis and Arnold Schwarzenegger put in cameos.

While he doesn’t have as much room to develop as I’d like, the villainous General Garza (David Zayas) has an interesting character arc, which is always a big plus for an action movie. Despite the sequences of gunplay and hand-to-hand combat being a bit lackluster (not to mention the cornball closing scene), it’s surprisingly entertaining considering that many of the heroes qualify for AARP membership.

9. 13 (2011) – Writer/director Gela Babluani remakes his 2005 French film 13 Tzameti, and the results are both more polished and entertaining than the original. Sam Riley stars as Vince Ferro, a young laborer in need of money who steals a mysterious invitation belonging to a recently dead employer. Following the instructions on the card, he winds up at a house in the middle of nowhere and learns that this lucrative opportunity is actually tied to Russian Roulette (with participants standing in a circle and firing at the man in front of them). Wealthy folks come to wager on the outcome, and the winning competitor can make a small fortune for a few hours work. Losing competitors, meanwhile, are piled unceremoniously in a back room waiting for holes to be dug and lime to be purchased.

The tension increases with each click of the player’s guns, and viewers will no doubt be choosing their favorites and cheering them on. The cast includes a number of surprises, including Jason Statham as a scumbag who occasionally checks his brother (Ray Winstone) out of a mental institution to participate, Mickey Rourke as a Texas bank robber sold into the competition from a Mexican jail cell, and Michael Shannon as the no-nonsense emcee of the event.

8. The One (2001) – Before he butchered the remake of Black Christmas, James Wong directed this tale of Gabriel YuLaw (Jet Li), a power hungry madman who travels to different dimensions killing off alternate versions of himself. When he’s eliminated them all, he believes he’ll become an unstoppable being known as “The One.” He’s not alone in thinking the scheme will work, either, as he’s hounded through the cosmos by officers from the Multiverse Authority (Deloy Lindo and Jason Statham). It all comes down to the last alternate version, of course, an upstanding member of the L.A. County Sheriff’s Department named Gabriel Law (also Jet Li).

Carla Gugino is smoking hot in a supporting role as the wife of both Jet Li characters, while Statham and Lindo keeps their chins up as law enforcement officers hopelessly outmatched by their quarry. The action comes in entertaining bunches, and the final scene is pretty awesome. Most critical reviews for the film were negative, but you won’t be disappointed if you turn off your brain and expect nothing more than dumb fun.

7. Transporter 2 (2005) – Badass courier Frank Martin (Jason Statham) is back, and this time he’s relocated to Miami and is paying the bills by acting as a chauffeur for a wealthy family (including Matthew Modine and Amber Valletta). He forms a bond with their kid, so he goes all Man on Fire when the bad guys–including model Kate Nauta–try to abduct the youngster and infect him with a lethal virus. Nobody gets a bomb stuck up their butt in this one, but Frank does have plenty of opportunities to show off his ability to defy the law of physics. Not as good as the first installment of the franchise, but action junkies should still have a good time.

6. The Bank Job (2008) – Jason Statham and crime films are a marriage made in heaven. Case in point, this mesmerizing flick about a 1971 London robbery that’s at least partially based on real events. Of course, determining what’s fact and what’s fiction is tricky, but that doesn’t diminish the charm of its lead actor (Statham as the wonderfully named Terry Leather), the fine supporting cast, or the underhanded scheming that involves everyone from MI5 to black militants. Statham kicks far less ass than most of his movies, but he makes up for it by playing a reformed crook seduced by the score of a lifetime.

5. The Italian Job (2003) – Intended as an homage to the 1969 Michael Caine heist classic of the same name, this F. Gary Gray film captures much of the excitement of the original, from a daring opening robbery in Venice to a climactic scene involving Mini Coopers, armored cars, and the subway system of Los Angeles. While Mark Wahlberg and Charlize Theron get top billing, Statham co-stars as resident driving expert Handsome Rob. He’s joined by a likable supporting cast that includes Donald Sutherland as the old school thief, Seth Green as the computer hacker, Mos Def as the demolitions expert, and Edward Norton as the kind of guy you’d like to punch in the face repeatedly.

4. Crank (2006) – Have you ever wondered what a real-life video game would look like? Well, here you go. Statham stars as Chev Chelios, a British hitman who lives in L.A. and works for crime boss Carlito (Carlos Sanz). When he winds up betrayed, Chev is injected with a lethal “Beijing Cocktail” by a rival (Jose Pable Cantillo) and left for dead. Luckily, a Mafia doctor (Dwight Yoakam) informs our hero that he can stave off the effects of the poison–at least for a while–by keeping his adrenaline up. This forms the centerpiece of the story, as Chev goes seeking revenge while crashing cars, gunning down enemies, taking a hit from a defibrillator, and having a public romp with his girlfriend (Amy Smart) while Asian schoolgirls look on.

The directorial duo of Mark Neveldine and Brian Taylor keep the action moving at a frenetic pace, and the film is littered with references to video game culture (including a cameo from Atari’s classic Berzerk). The high octane ending sets up an improbable (and inferior) sequel, and Statham incredibly manages to keep a straight face throughout. A must-see for fans of the Grand Theft Auto franchise.

3. Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels (1998) – Guy Ritchie launched his feature film career with this playful British crime flick, and action movie fans should thank him for introducing audiences to both Jason Statham and Vinnie Jones. The former plays Bacon, a smooth-talking rogue who makes his living selling stolen goods. The latter co-stars as Big Chris, a debt collector for a London loan shark named “Hatchet” Harry (P.H. Moriarty).

The plot revolves around four pals (Statham, Jason Flemyng, Dexter Fletcher, and Nick Moran) who pool their money to stake one of their own in a high-stakes card game, but they end up owing 500,000 British pounds thanks to the cheating ways of Hatchet Harry. The lads only have a week to pay up, which leads them to try to rip off their drug-dealing neighbors (led by Frank Harper). Plenty of other characters also get in on the action, including Harry’s top henchmen (Lenny McLean), a perpetually angry crime lord (Vas Blackwood), marijuana growers, and Sting (playing the father of one of the protagonists).

Ritchie hits the ground running, depicting a London where everyone is looking to cut an extra slice of the pie for themselves. There’s enough violence to satisfy fans of the crime genre, but it never gets too dark thanks to the cheeky script and soundtrack featuring memorable songs such as “18 with a Bullet,” “The Payback,” and “Spooky.” The British equivalent of Reservoir Dogs, as it heralded the arrival of a great talent with a unique vision.

2. The Transporter (2002) – French action cinema powerhouse Luc Besson must have loved The Hire series, as he promptly turned around and produced and co-wrote a similar product for the big screen. Instead of Clive Owen, however, it stars Jason Statham as Frank Martin, a former military man who will deliver anything for a price. Armed with a set of rules (Rule #2: No names) and a snazzy BMW, he’s a class act who’s definitely got his act together. But when he takes a transport job for an American gangster (Matt Schulze), Frank makes the mistake of breaking rule #3: Don’t open the package. Turns out his cargo is a spirited young woman (Shu Qi), and she’s soon got our hero up to his neck in trouble.

While Frank’s driving prowess is adequately demonstrated in the opening scene featuring a chaotic bank robbery, The Transporter really shines when he exits his car and begins to whoop ass with his fists and feet. Directors Louis Leterrier and Corey Yuen put Statham in unique situations that range from fighting amidst a maze of shipping containers to being covered in oil, and the star is more than up to the task (doing all the fight scenes himself). Ric Young and Schulze make for a watchable duo of villains, while Francois Berleand is another standout as the practical Inspector Tarconi. Two sequels have been made to date, but this remains the best of the bunch.

1. Snatch (2000) – For his second film, Statham once again teamed up with Guy Ritchie in this UK tale of diamond thieves, underground boxing, and unpredictable pikeys. The result is a masterpiece of modern crime cinema, and you can almost feel the grime and smell the smoke as you’re introduced to a succession of lovable losers, grifters, and psychopaths.

Chief among them is Turkish (Statham), a fight promoter who maintains his integrity despite working in the world of bare-knuckle boxing. All he really wants to do is buy a travel trailer, but he and his clueless partner Tommy (Stephen Graham) soon wind up in the debt of violent mobster Brick Top (Alan Ford) and are forced to seek salvation in the pugilistic skills of a nearly incomprehensible gypsy (Brad Pitt).

But these are just a few of the off-kilter crooks and cons you’ll meet in Snatch. There’s also Benicio del Toro as a master thief who’s addicted to gambling, Dennis Farina as an ill-tempered New York crime boss/jeweler, Vinnie Jones as his no-nonsense hired gun, Rade Serbedzija as a relentless Russian, and Lennie James as a perpetually unlucky pawnbroker.

Ritchie keeps up a fast pace, never allowing the film to get mired down in sentimentality or needless romantic subplots. And like Quentin Tarantino, he proves to be a master of using music to perfectly punctuate individual scenes. This is 102 minutes of pure testosterone, and watching all the plotlines collide during the final act will provide a great amount of fun and satisfaction.

While most balding guys just stare into the mirror and weep, Jason Statham is out chasing world-class tail and making hit movies. Once you’ve seen all the titles on this list of the 13 best Jason Statham movies ever made, be sure to follow the links below for even more great selections in the action genre. If nothing else, it’ll give you something to do while saving up for those hair plugs.

• John Woo Movies
• 10 Good Assassin Movies
• Best Action Movies 1987
• Steven Seagal’s Top 10 Movies

Ever since the early days of cinema, films about or featuring Edgar Allan Poe as a character have been produced for an eager public. Perhaps this is because Poe’s writings are easily accessible due to their universal themes, but it may also have to do with his distinctly dour appearance and seemingly all-black wardrobe. Film adaptations of his work hit a high point in the 1960s, when Roger Corman directed a series of movies either taken from or inspired by the author’s material. Even as I write this article, a feature film titled The Raven–with John Cusack starring as Poe–is set to hit multiplexes within a few weeks. Death, it seems, is never out of style.

Surprisingly, this guy wrote stories about misery and death.

11 Interesting Facts about Edgar Allan Poe

Before we get into the 13 good Edgar Allan Poe movies that made my list, I’d like to pause and share a few interesting facts about the man. As you might have guessed from the look on his face, Poe lived a life of discontent and suffering. In short, he was goth well over a century before it was cool.

• Spent two years in the United States Army.
• Got himself intentionally court-martialed and kicked out of West Point military academy.
• When he was 26, Poe married his 13-year-old cousin (she would later die of tuberculosis).
• His publication of “The Raven” in 1845 made him famous, but he received only $9 for writing the poem.
• For most of his adult life, Poe struggled with alcoholism.
• Born Edgar Poe. The Allan in his name was added to recognize the family who took him in after his mother died and his father abandoned him.
• A few days before his death, Poe was found wandering the streets of Baltimore in clothes that didn’t belong to him.
• His death has been attributed to (among others) alcohol withdrawal, rabies, syphilis, and cholera.
• Is credited with inventing the detective story genre.
• Had a lifelong interest in solving puzzles and codes.
• From 1949 to 2009, a mysterious individual (known as the “Poe Toaster”) would visit Poe’s grave on the anniversary of his death, toast him with a glass of cognac, and then leave three roses.

The most melancholy bobblehead ever produced.

Additional Edgar Allan Poe Merchandise

This article is about movies that either feature Edgar Allan Poe as a character or adapt one of his poems or short stories. But that’s just the tip of the iceberg, folks. Poe’s enduring popularity stretches far beyond the reach of Hollywood, which is why I wanted to list a few other items that you should explore. All of these can be purchased from Amazon, and I’ve even included links to make your life as easy as possible.

• Complete Stories and Poems of Edgar Allan Poe – An 832-page volume that brings togather all of his published works.
• Complete Works of Edgar Allan Poe (Illustrated) – His entire body of work for readers who prefer to use to Kindle. If you don’t have one of these wonderful ereader devices from Amazon, you can click here to get a Kindle.
• Edgar Allan Poe Audio Collection – Vincent Price and Basil Rathbone read 20 of Poe’s best-loved poems and short stories.
• Everybody Hates Edgar Allan Poe! – When they don’t do their homework, four kids are cursed by the ghost of Edgar Allan Poe to spend an entire weekend in a haunted mansion. Luckily, they get a little help from a talking crow and black cat. A great way to introduce your kids to the works of Poe.
• Edgar Allan Poe: His Life and Legacy – A thorough look at the bizarre and tumultuous life of Poe.
• Edgar Allan Poe Mouse Pad – Show your love of Poe by repeatedly running your mouse over his head.
• Edgar Allan Poe Action Figure – Nothing says action like an alcoholic writer and his squawking raven.
• “Pop Poe” Women’s Vintage Inspired T-Shirt – Available in a number of sizes.
• Tales Of Mystery And Imagination – Edgar Allan Poe – Before they had hits with “Eye in the Sky” and “Games People Play,” the Alan Parsons Project released this musical adaptation of several of Poe’s most well-known poems and short stories. Includes voice work from Orson Welles.

13 Good Edgar Allan Poe Movies

Now that you’ve learned a bit about the author and been exposed to the wide variety of products based on his likeness or drawn from his works, let’s get down to the tell-tale heart of the matter. If you’re a true fan of the glum Bostonian–or want to be–these 13 feature films will put you in the right state of mind. So turn down the lights, get a few candles going, and prepare to witness some of the greatest tales of terror ever written.

The Raven (1915) – Henry B. Walthall starred as Edgar Allan Poe in this silent film, his second on-screen portrayal of the author (the first came in 1914′s The Avenging Conscience). Meant as a surreal biography, The Raven shows Poe drinking lots of wine, romancing his cousin, killing a man in a pistol duel, and buying an abused slave for the bargain price of $600 (as far as I can tell, the latter two events never happened in real life). We also watch as he’s inspired to write “The Raven,” although his muse of alcohol provides some tragic foreshadowing to his life being cut short at the age of 40. If you enjoy silent movies, be sure to give it a look.

Murders in the Rue Morgue (1932) – This Universal horror film originally ran 81 minutes in length, but it was cut down to 61 minutes to remove violent scenes considered too disturbing for the time. Bela Lugosi (as compensation for being replaced in Frankenstein) stars as Dr. Mirakle, a mad scientist who also runs a sideshow for some odd reason. His star attraction is a talking gorilla named Erik, and Mirakle intends to make him a proper mate by abducting virgins and injecting them with ape blood. Yes, that’s what I call sound scientific logic.

When Mirakle sets his sights on the lovely Camille (Sidney Fox), he winds up being opposed by her fiancee, medical student and amateur detective Pierre Dupin. In the original short story, the character was named C. Auguste Dupin, and he paved the way for future literary detectives such as Sherlock Holmes. In fact, “The Murders in the Rue Morgue” is considered the first fictional detective story ever written. The film version hasn’t aged especially well, but it’s still recommended for those with a passion for classic horror movies.

The Raven (1935) – This Lew Landers film has nothing to do with Poe’s poem, but it does star Bela Lugosi as retired surgeon Dr. Richard Vollin. Obsessed with the melancholy author, Vollin has built up a fine collection of torture devices featured in Poe’s work, and later in the film we get to see them employed with lethal results. Boris Karloff co-stars as a murderer looking to start a new life with a different face. He approaches the surgeon for help, but winds up disfigured and forced into participating in a sadistic plot to help Vollin gain revenge against an innocent family.

Considered too twisted by 1935 standards, The Raven failed to achieve success at the box office and helped contribute to the sudden downturn in horror releases. Still, it remains an entertaining example of Universal horror, with the delightful deathtraps bolstered by the presence of two genre icons.

The Loves of Edgar Allan Poe (1942) – A big screen biopic of Edgar Allan Poe, this time with future soap opera star Shepperd Strudwick in the title role. The film focuses on the many challenges faced by the author, including doomed romance, a volatile relationship with his foster father, and battles with editors over copyright laws. The 67-minute runtime means a lot of interesting details about Poe’s life are glossed over or outright omitted, but The Loves of Edgar Allan Poe remains required viewing for those with a serious interest in his life and art.

The Tell-Tale Heart (1953) – This 7-minute animated short is narrated by James Mason and tells the classic story of a killer who does in and old man and then becomes consumed with guilt. As his fear reaches a fever pitch, he begins to believe that he can hear his victim’s heart beating from beneath his floorboards. The surreal quality of the animation looks like an unholy melding of Picasso and M.C. Escher, which was good enough to earn it an Academy Award nomination. Mason’s droll British accent doesn’t hurt, either.

House of Usher (1960) – Considered one of the best Roger Corman movies ever made, House of Usher was the first of eight films inspired or adapted from Poe and released under the American International Pictures banner. The screenplay was written by Richard Matheson (“I Am Legend”), and it revolves around a young man (Mark Damon) arriving at the sinister Usher estate to collect his future bride (Myrna Fahey). Unfortunately, he also has to contend with her brother Roderick (Vincent Price), a fatalistic creep who wishes to spare the outside world the legacy of murder and madness carried within his bloodline.

Price is his usual dependable self, while the ramshackle Usher mansion threatens to upstage the entire cast. The fiery finale is a standout, one of the many reasons while this film remains a high point in Roger Corman’s lengthy career.

The Death of Poe (2006) – While it doesn’t boast the budget of some of the other entries on this list of good Edgar Allan Poe movies, Mark Redfield’s indie effort still manages to enthrall while taking a speculative and hallucinatory look at the last days of the author. From getting mugged by a former classmate to being forcibly made to vote multiple times in a city election, Poe (Mark Redfield) encounters nothing but violence and frustration as he seeks to launch his own magazine. There aren’t any real scares to be had, but those seeking a more in-depth look at the tragically short life of the author will enjoy the ride.

Vincent (1982) – Back when he was still working for Disney, Tim Burton got a chance to turn his poem about a seven-year-old boy who wants to be Vincent Price into an animated short. The result is classic Burton, with strong use of the color black, narration from the real Vincent Price (who gets to quote a few lines of Poe), and a style that looks as though it came straight from The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari. While Vincent is available as a bonus feature on special DVD editions of The Nightmare before Christmas, you can also watch it for free courtesy of the good folks at YouTube.

The Masque of the Red Death (1964) – Not only is Prince Prospero (Vincent Price) a sadistic noble who constantly abuses his peasants, but he’s also a cinematic Satanist devoted to earning a distinguished place in Hell. Then a plague known as the Red Death rolls into the region, and Prospero and his corrupt nobles–along with several captives who serve as our protagonists–retire to his castle to ride out the disease.

Price delivers his usual (if somewhat hammy) genre performance, while Hazel Court causes male hearts to flutter as Prospero’s mistress obsessed with getting on Satan’s good side. The struggle between good and evil is largely played out in the interaction between Prospero and the virginal Francesca (Jane Asher), as she uses her faith to resist all temptations places in her path.

The climax of the film also shoehorns in another Poe short story, “Hop Frog,” but the real focus is on the debauched feast that takes place while the plague rages beyond the castle walls. Justice, however, arrives in the form of a figure clad all in red, someone you just know is going to crash the party and ruin everyone’s evening.

The Pit and the Pendulum (1961) – The second Edgar Allan Poe adaptation that Roger Corman did for American International Pictures, The Pit and the Pendulum only resembles the author’s short story during the final, nail-biting act featuring a gigantic blade swinging ever closer to hero Francis Barnard (John Kerr).

The film begins in 16th century Spain, with the aforementioned Francis arriving at the creepy castle of his brother-in-law, Nicholas Medina (Vincent Price). His sister (Barbara Steele) has died under mysterious circumstances, and Francis wants to find out what really happened. It doesn’t take long before all manner of strange events are occurring, including decaying corpses, apparitions, and Vincent Price tormented by the memory of his sadistic father (a member of the Spanish Inquisition).

Price, while over-the-top at times, provides the high notes of the film, especially when he comes to believe that he’s actually his deceased dad. Before you can say “Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition,” he’s tied up Francis, gagged him, and set the titular blade in motion.

Web of the Spider (1971) – If you’ve ever seen any of the early works of director Werner Herzog, then you know that his pal and frequent collaborator Klaus Kinski was more than a little nuts. Herzog may not be behind the camera this time around, but that doesn’t stop Kinski from chewing the scenery like a man possessed.

He plays Edgar Allan Poe as a hard-drinking man who’s convinced that ghosts are on the loose, and it’s up to intrepid journalist Alan Foster (Anthony Franciosa) to prove him wrong–and restore his senses–by spending a night in a supposedly haunted castle. As you might have guessed, Poe’s claims are on the money, and Foster must weather a succession of vengeful spirits.

There’s a twist at the end, plus foxy Michele Mercier gives a sensual performance as a spirit who falls in love with the protagonist. Directed by Antonio Margheriti, this atmospheric Italian horror classic is actually a remake of his 1964 film Castle of Blood.

The Raven (1963) – Even though the film starts off with a recital of “The Raven,” this Roger Corman production has little to do with Poe’s actual poem. It’s doesn’t matter, though, because there are more than enough reasons to recommend it. Chief among them are the presence of three iconic horror actors–Vincent Price, Peter Lorre, and Boris Karloff–each of whom plays a sorcerer. The Richard Matheson screenplay deftly mixes horror and comedy, while fans of Jack Nicholson will delight in seeing him pre-fame as Lorre’s son. It might seem a little hokey by today’s standards, but those looking for a family-friendly horror classic will still find plenty to like.

An Evening of Edgar Allan Poe (1972) – Vincent Price takes the stage and performs several of Poe’s works. It’s easy to see why the veteran actor was such a fan favorite, as he gives his all during “The Tell-Tale Heart,” “The Sphinx,” “The Cask of Amontillado,” and “The Pit and the Pendulum.” Features impressive set designs, new costume changes for each act, and every conceivable camera angle of Price’s haunting visage. A must-see for fans of gothic horror.

You may have trouble finding this one on DVD, so here’s a link to the entire 54-minute performance on YouTube. As an extra bonus, be sure to check out these interpretations of “The Raven” as read by Christopher Walken and James Earl Jones.

That concludes our look at 13 good Edgar Allan Poe movies that have either been adapted from his works or feature the writer as a character. If you’ve never experienced his poems or short stories, I urge you to head to Amazon and rectify the situation immediately. Or, if you feel you should get everything for free, you’ll undoubtedly find most of his material via the search engine of your choice. But before you head off to get lost in chilling tales of premature burial and blackhearted murder, be sure to check out these other articles from Only Good Movies:

• 13 Meta Horror Movies
• Movies Based on Books
• Tales from the Crypt Box Set
• 10 Good Movies about Witches