What Are The Worst Movie Three-quels?

IGN recently put together a list of the 10 worst three-quels ever made. You can read their entire article right here. So did they hit the nail on the head, or only succeed in wasting your precious time? Well, let’s run down the list, and I’ll provide a little expert commentary to the side of each entry. Don’t be surprised if I add a few names to the list, as well.

By the way, kudos to IGN for taking a simple Top 10 list and dragging it out over five freakin’ pages: I always love that.

10. Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines (sure, it didn’t reinvent the wheel, but I can think of a lot worse films to occupy this spot.)

9. Blade: Trinity (David S. Goyer should get an ass-whipping from Wesley Snipes for this awful screenplay. Ridiculous villains and ridiculous dialogue. Works way too hard to be “hip,” but fails miserably.)

8. Back to the Future III (Yeah, it was stupid, but so was the entire series. Cut poor Michael J. Fox some slack.)

7. Alien 3 (It’s the directorial debut of David Fincher, so that alone should earn it a pass.)

6. Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End (It was all downhill after the first film, but people everywhere gobbled this crap up like it was laced with ambrosia. It certainly earned a place on the list of worst three-quels ever made.)

5. Batman Forever (While it wasn’t the best film ever, Batman & Robin makes this one look like a masterpiece. If it were me, I’d remove this one and replace it with one of the films I’ve listed in the next section.)

4. The Matrix Revolutions (Yuck. This is a perfect example of what happens when a franchise goes on too long. Awful story and awful ending.)

3. X-Men: The Last Stand (Way too high on the list. Nothing special, but certainly not one of the 10 worst prequels ever. Hell, it’s got Ian McKellen and his totally rad helmet.)

2. Spider-Man 3 (It was a letdown, but was it really worse than some of the movies I’ve suggested below? I don’t think so, although the scene where Peter dances is pretty darn silly.)

1. Superman III (Can’t argue with this one. Almost as dumb as the most recent Superman movie.)

Movies They Left Out

Here are some three-quels which slipped though the cracks. Each one is awful in its own right, and I‘d feel negligent for not mentioning them. By the way, I didn’t include straight-to-DVD three-quels, as nobody expects them to be worth a damn in the first place.

Lethal Weapon 3 – Instead of a cool villain, we get a pudgy cop on the take. During the climatic fight scene, he hits Mel Gibson with a 2×4 and then runs away. Nice!

Crocodile Dundee in Los Angeles – They add a precocious kid and even include a cameo from Mike Tyson. Lord.

Smokey and the Bandit Part 3 – Burt Reynolds is gone, and Jerry Reed tries to carry the movie. God rest his soul, but Jerry Reed was no Burt Reynolds.

Look Who’s Talking Now – The talking baby angle was already played out, so they decided to add talking animals as well. Shoot me.

Braddock: Missing in Action III – Chuck Norris can kick ass with the best of them, but a tree could demonstrate better acting range.

Beverly Hills Cop III – What was the point of this movie, other than to make Eddie Murphy some more cash? Now with more Reinhold!

Speed Zone! – The third film in the Cannonball Run franchise. Jamie Farr reprises his role, becoming the only actor to appear in all three. I think I’m gonna be sick.

Resident Evil: Extinction – More of the same old crap. How many ways can you kill a zombie? Let’s find out. Ali Larter does look hot, though.

Transporter 3 – Speaking of the same old crap, this movie sets action films back a decade (something I didn’t think was possible). Read my review of it here.

This entry was posted on Friday, March 27th, 2009 at 9:44 am and is filed under Thoughts on Film. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

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