15 Creepiest Movie Kids
By Shane Rivers
With the release of The Orphan, we have yet another example of how creepy and sinister little kids can truly be. Sure, a stiff karate kick to the side of the head should sort most of them out, but for some reason movie adults are too genteel to try such a maneuver. Instead, they usually fall down in disbelief, allowing the terrifying tots easy access to their major arteries. That being said, let’s take a look at the 15 creepiest movie kids and marvel at their demonic cuteness. And just in case you’re ever confronted by one of these tiny terrors, it might not hurt to practice a few punches and kicks (watching Road House should probably do the trick).
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Regan MacNeil from The Exorcist – It doesn’t get much creepier than a little kid urinating in front of dinner guests, cursing like a sailor, and masturbating with a crucifix. Possessed by an ancient demon known as Pazuzu, it all starts when Regan messes around with a Ouija board. In the immortal words of Twisted Sister, “Stay away from Captain Howdy.”
Isaac Chroner from Children of the Corn – While the locals of Gatlin, Nebraska are busy praying for rain, creepy zealot Isaac Chroner conducts a meeting of the town’s children in a cornfield. He tells them about the entity known as “He Who Walks Behind the Rows,” and before long the town’s kiddies are slitting the throats of every adult in sight. ‘Ol Isaac is certainly devout, too, as being betrayed and crucified doesn’t diminish his faith in the least bit. Believed dead at the end of the film, Isaac would pop back up in Children of the Corn 666: Isaac’s Return, the sixth film in the series.
Homer from Near Dark – As you probably know, a vampire’s outward appearance stays stuck at the age they were bitten. This especially sucks if you get turned as a kid, cause what hot babe is gonna want to give it up to a 12-year-old? That’s the dilemma faced by Homer from Near Dark, and he decides to solve the problem by getting himself a companion who looks close to his own age. But before he can sink his perverted little fangs into his chosen victim, he learns the hard way about jumping out of a station wagon in broad daylight.
Gage Creed from Pet Sematary – You won’t find a more adorable kid than Gage Creed. Unfortunately, Gage doesn’t have much sense when it comes to personal safety, and a speeding semi splatters him all over the highway (he actually looks pretty damned good for someone who got run over by a big rig). His anguished father decides he can’t live without the cute tot, and so he buries him in the soil of a local Indian burial ground. Big mistake. Gage comes back, alright, but the cursed burial ground has transformed him into something not-quite-human. Armed with a scalpel, he kills lovable Fred Gwynne, and then kills and eats part of his own mom (not that I can blame him for wanting a piece of Denise Crosby). In his immortal words, “Come play with me daddy! First I played with Jud, and then I played with mommy. We had an awful good time. Now I want to play with you.”
David Zellaby from Village of the Damned – In the British village of Midwich, all the residents suddenly lapse in unconsciousness. Everything seems fine when they awaken, but a few months later it’s revealed that every woman of childbearing age in the village is pregnant. David Zellaby is one of the children born from this bizarre event, and he and the others all have pale blonde hair, strange eyes, and a generally creepy demeanor. When people who cross the children start turning up dead, it becomes obvious that something far more sinister is at work.
Damien Thorn from The Omen – The chubby-faced kid named Damien is actually the son of Satan. This realization slowly begins to dawn on his father when everyone around the kid starts dropping dead. A nanny hangs herself when Damien turns five, a nosy priest gets impaled, and his supposed “mother” is thrown out a window (his actual mother is a jackal). The final moment of the film is one of the best in creepy kid cinema, as Damien turns to look directly at the camera and give a sinister smile.
Jason Voorhees from Friday the 13th – Little Jason Voorhees was never quite right. Deformed and a bit slow, the kids at Camp Crystal Lake always tormented him. One day, when Jason ended up in the water, he drowned due to the fact that the camp counselors were off having sex. This pushed his mother over the edge, and she embarked on an estrogen-fueled killing spree. But when she went and got herself beheaded, little Jason returned from the dead in dramatic fashion, bursting from the water in all his freakiness. At that moment, a horror icon was born.
Cole Sear from The Sixth Sense – Even if he couldn’t see dead people, Haley Joel Osment’s portrayal of Cole Sear would still rank him as one exceptionally creepy kid. When he’s not moping around or hiding out in his makeshift tent, little Cole is rubbing elbows with vomiting girls (Mischa Barton) and sad sack psychologists (Bruce Willis). What a weirdo.
Rhoda Penmark from The Bad Seed – Kids were creepy even back in the ‘50s, as proven by Rhoda Penmark in The Bad Seed. She offs a classmate over a penmanship medal, burns a janitor alive, and even admits to murdering a former neighbor. An adopted child, it turns out that Rhoda was the daughter of a notorious serial killer. At the end of the film, the cast is introduced, and Rhoda’s on-screen adoptive mother puts her over her knee and administers a good spanking. These days, she’d get a “time out” instead.
Danny Torrance from The Shining – With his constant Big Wheel riding and habit of talking to his finger, Jack Torrance’s telepathic little son is one creepy kid. Things get even weirder when he starts seeing waves of blood spilling from elevators and repeating the word “Redrum” (murder spelled backwards) over and over. No wonder his father wanted to brain him with an axe. And speaking of creepy movie kids from The Shining…
The Grady Twins from The Shining – A couple of homely twins wearing identical blue dresses. That’s distressing enough, but wait until you see the flashes where they’re covered in blood after being murdered by their deranged father. There’s a lot of hair-raising stuff at the Overlook Hotel, but the Grady Twins have to take the cake.
Michael Myers from Halloween – First off, let me be clear that I’m not talking about the kid from the crappy Rob Zombie remake. No, I’m talking about little Michael Myers from the original John Carpenter film. Dressed in a clown outfit, wielding a giant butcher knife, and wearing a zoned-out look on his face, young Mikey is the poster child for unexplainable evil. If Donald Pleasance can’t cure him with his raspy-voiced antics, you know it’s a lost cause.
Ralphie Glick from Salem’s Lot – I realize that Salem’s Lot was actually a TV mini-series, but Ralphie Glick is so damned creepy that he deserves a little leeway. After getting turned into a vampire, he floats up to the window of his brother and gently begs to come inside. The look on his face while doing so is absolutely nightmarish, and only someone under hypnotic suggestion would even consider letting the pint-sized ghoul inside. But his brother obliges, and Ralphie happily levitates over the threshold shrouded in fog, that same crazy grin plastered to his mug. After that…well, I imagine you can guess what happens next.
Tomas from The Orphanage – If you see a kid with his name sewn onto his shirt, you can probably guess that either (a) the kid is really forgetful, or (b) there’s something seriously wrong with the little bugger. It’s easy to guess the answer with Tomas, as the little Spanish kid also wears a sack over his head to hide his deformed face. You show me a kid wearing a sack, and I’ll show you a kid that’s about to cause some serious problems for someone. He’s also a really crappy hide-and-seek player, as his partners usually end up getting trapped and starving to death.
Sadako from Ringu – After being thrown down a well by her father, little Sadako dies and returns as a vengeful spirit to kill anyone who watches a haunted videocassette. With her hair badly in need of a stylist and her herky-jerky motions, this malevolent lass scared the stuffing out of Japanese audiences. No wonder Ringu is the highest-grossing horror film in the history of the country.