15 Movies Christians Find Offensive
By Shane Rivers
Movies Christians find offensive – this was a topic that recently popped into my noggin, as I’m always trying to think of new ways to entertain the loyal readers of Only Good Movies. To get my answers, I decided to go straight to the source and poll a number of the faithful. After starting threads and sending direct emails, I received enough replies to put together the following list. When possible, I’ve also included direct quotes from those who responded.
Let me make one thing clear: It’s not my intention to mock Christians in this article. Sure, I originally intended to poke good-natured fun at them, but I changed my mind after receiving nothing by helpful and courteous responses. I guess you could say that they won me over, even if I did disagree with many of the movies listed.
It should also be noted that I wanted to follow up Movies Christians Find Offensive with Movies Satanists Find Offensive, but I just couldn’t generate enough interest among those who dwell closer to the darkness. I did, however, receive a nice reply from the leader of the Church of Satan, so my efforts weren’t a complete waste. Now I know how Sammy Davis Jr. must’ve felt.
Saw (2004) – The lady who listed this movie as offensive didn’t go into specifics, but it’s not hard to imagine why. Two men awaken in an industrial bathroom only to find that they’ve been chained up. A bloody corpse lies in the center of the room. To survive and escape, these poor bastards will have to play a game designed by Jigsaw, a psychopath who teaches people to appreciate life by making them face death. As the game begins, the cops (led by Danny Glover) are hot on Jigsaw’s trail, and audience members are treated to a bear trap for the face, shotgun blasts to the head, and a complete downer of an ending. Christians weren’t the only ones offended, as some movie critics went so far as to compare it with a snuff film. Gregor Turley of A1MovieReviews called it “one of the most vile and repellent movies I’ve ever seen.” Not surprisingly, it grossed over $100 million.
Year One (2009) – According to one response, “Year One is making fun of bible stories, I believe, judging on the movie reviews I have read. I take that very offensively.” Despite the glaring grammatical error, they’re not entirely wrong when it comes to the content of this Jack Black comedy. As the bumbling pair of primitives known as Zed (Jack Black) and Oh (Michael Cera) make their way across the world, they encounter Cain (David Cross) and Abel (Paul Rudd), a foreskin-obsessed Abraham (Hank Azaria), and plenty of hijinks in the city of Sodom. It certainly has its moments (Azaria is an absolute riot), but it’s been done better in films like History of the World, Part I.
The Last Temptation of Christ (1988) – This controversial Martin Scorsese film sent Christians around the globe into fits of righteous indignation, mainly due to a scene in which Jesus comes down off the cross, gets married, has sex, and lives the life of a normal man. Never mind that it’s all a plot by Satan to tempt Jesus, or that he rejects this mortal life and dies for the sins of mankind. People still went nuts, and there are many who refuse to see another Scorsese film to this day (which at least kept them from having to sit through the shot-in-the-head antics of The Departed). One referred to this film and movies like The Da Vinci Code as “blatantly slapping Christianity in the face.”
Cape Fear (1991) – Speaking of Martin Scorsese, his remake of Cape Fear also made the list of 15 movies Christians find offensive. No reason was given, but I’m guessing it was Robert De Niro’s antics, which include making out with an underage Juliette Lewis, poisoning a dog, biting a chunk out of Illeana Douglas, and generally making everyone from the South look like a dangerous hillbilly.
The Da Vinci Code (2006) – Tom Hanks dons an unconvincing hairpiece to play Robert Langdon, the literary hero from author Dan Brown’s series about shadowy conspiracies and ancient riddles. While both the book and movie made tons of money, the notion that Jesus was hitched to Mary Magdalene didn’t sit well with many Christians. Stephen King called it the “intellectual equivalent of Kraft Macaroni and Cheese,” and that’s coming from a guy who writes about alien clown-spiders. One Christian summed it up by saying, “So many great books out there … not sure why some of the goofier ones get made into movies, while other really terrific stories sit on the shelf.”
Angels & Demons (2009) – The follow-up to The Da Vinci Code, Tom Hanks returns with a more realistic-looking hairpiece. This time around, Robert Langdon must solve the clues of the Illuminati in order to keep the Vatican from being reduced to rubble. While not nearly as controversial as his previous book/film (in which Brown had Jesus getting married and having children), the very fact that a sequel exists was enough to inspire protests. Angels & Demons was even banned in the devoutly Christian nation of Samoa, a fact which no doubt troubles Tom Hanks to this very day.
Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (2009) – A piece of crap from start to finish, Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen offended movie critics, Christians, and almost anyone else with a brain in their head. Mostly this was due to nausea-inducing fight scenes, blatant racism, and sophomoric humor of the worst kind. At least one person found something else to dislike, however, as they complained of “way too much sexuality.” Did Bumblebee pull off a donkey punch or Chewbacca while I was taking a bathroom break? Besides lots of clothed hotties and two dogs humping, I don’t remember a lot of sexual material. Then again, I was put into a semi-catatonic state by a combination of Megan Fox’s ass and those two Autobot rejects from a John Singleton film, so perhaps I wasn’t as attentive as usual.
Hancock (2008) – Will Smith stars in this film about an angry, alcoholic superhuman who eventually pulls his life together to become a savior of mankind. Despite its themes of redemption and self-sacrifice, one Christian was offended by all the potty-mouthed dialogue sprinkled throughout. “Too much S-word,” they complained. The dreaded “F-word,” meanwhile, only appears once, thus allowing filmmakers to score the coveted and kiddie-friendly PG-13 rating (while scenes of explosive ejaculation and heads literally being stuck up asses remain). Oh, that wacky MPAA.
The Passion of the Christ (2004) – The popular Mel Gibson film about the crucifixion of Jesus received several votes for my list of movies Christians find offensive (despite public endorsements from Billy Graham, Pat Robertson, and Jerry Falwell). One reply complained, “They took the savior and made him the centerpiece of a torture-snuff film.” Another deemed it “the most perverse and offensive film for me as a Christian.” They went on to add, “The director’s antics since have only served to solidify my perception that there is something deeply disturbing going on in that film.” I can imagine what the response would’ve been if I’d posted my question on Jewish forums.
Guinea Pig: Unabridged Agony (1985) – Looks like Christians and Charlie Sheen are in agreement when it comes to Guinea Pig, the controversial Japanese film series. One viewer described it as, “a pseudo-snuff filmed on a home camera made by a bunch of Japanese guys. It’s pretty much just 45 minutes of three Asian men torturing a bound Asian girl.” Actor Charlie Sheen viewed the movie and thought it was a real snuff film. He contacted the FBI, who promptly launched an investigation. I wonder if Sheen thought the U.S. government was responsible?
Wedding Trough (1974) – “Killing animals for your stupid, pretentious movie is not cool.” Those were the comments of one Christian regarding the film Wedding Trough, a bizarre Belgian offering which includes bestiality and the on-screen consumption of feces and urine. Not available on VHS or DVD, it has shocked audiences at various film festivals around the globe, and it’s sometimes informally known as The Pig Fucking Movie. Regardless of your religious affiliation, it may be hard not to view this as a complete piece of garbage.
Knowing (2009) – One of the surprise hits of 2009, Knowing featured Nicolas Cage (and a hairpiece that would make Tom Hanks jealous) in a thriller about the end of life on Earth, courtesy of a giant solar flare. But while Cage overacts and his hair remains eerily calm, a group of pasty-faced strangers are stalking his son and leaving strange rocks laying around. This leads to the inevitable twist, which certainly didn’t sit well with one Christian. In their own words, “I think Knowing was offensive because of its ‘end of the world not really being the end’ plot.”
Gone Baby Gone (2007) – According to one Christian, “Gone Baby Gone turned out to be extremely offensive to me. One of those ‘wish I hadn’t seen that’ movies. Like, I wish I could turn back time and erase it from my history!” Wow! You know a movie’s offended someone if it inspires dreams of time travel. Of course, they never mention exactly why they find it offensive. Was it all the cursing laced with annoying Bostonian accents? Was it Amy Ryan’s portrayal of a completely unfit mother? Or were they overwhelmed by the involvement of not one but two Afflecks (Casey stars and Ben directs)?
Dogma (1999) – This Kevin Smith film makes the list thanks to Alanis Morissette as God, Matt Damon and Ben Affleck as Run DMC-loving fallen angels, and the introduction of Buddy Christ (see pic). While deemed offensive by one responder, they also confessed, “I still fell out of my chair laughing, though.” I wish I could say the same, but I found Dogma to suffer from the same fate as many films from Silent Bob: long on ambition and short on genuine laughs.
2012 (2009) – So how could a cheesy disaster movie end up offending a Christian? Well, let’s go straight to the source. “Most recently, 2012 offended me. It seemed like everyone who prayed ended up dying. I’ve found similar scenes throughout Hollywood movies. It’s really getting predictable and annoying.” Based on this complaint, it looks like the best strategy for surviving a disaster movie is to reject God (or be a single father raising a precocious kid).
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