10 Coolest Vampires on DVD or Blu-Ray
By Shane Rivers
You’ve gotta admit that vampires are pretty badass. Sure, some may dress a little fruity and talk like rejects from a Shakespeare in the Park festival, but nobody’s better when it comes to seducing mortals and then ripping them to pieces. Since the movie Blood Vampire is going into limited release this week, I thought it was high time we recognized some of cinema’s greatest undead royalty. Therefore, I proudly present the 10 coolest vampires on DVD or Blu-Ray.
1. Lestat de Lioncourt
Portrayed By: Tom Cruise and Stuart Townsend
Where You’ve Seen Them: Interview with the Vampire, Queen of the Damned
Why They’re Cool: The immortal anti-hero of Anne Rice’s Vampire Chronicles, Lestat is complicated to say the least. One minute he’s saving some mortal from certain death, and the next he’s transforming into certain death to satisfy his bloodlust. But whichever side of the moral equation he comes down on, you can always bet that “The Brat Prince” will do so with style and just the hint of a sneer. The ultimate exhibitionist, Lestat longs for attention and is willing to do almost anything to achieve it, even if it means exposing himself and his vampire brethren to the world (via a rock band, no less). And don’t forget his ultra-cool ability to make almost anyone weak in the knees (including Antonio Banderas and Aaliyah).
2. Jan Valek
Portrayed By: Thomas Ian Griffith
Where You’ve Seen Them: John Carpenter’s Vampires
Why They’re Cool: After his minions get destroyed by a band of Vatican-sponsored vampire hunters, Jan Valek (who also happens to be the first bloodsucker) decides to get a little payback. What follows is the biggest beatdown ever captured in the history of vampire movies. Valek shows up at their hotel, interrupts their celebration, and begins to rip and tear his way through prostitutes, local law enforcement, priests, and vampire killers. He even cuts “Stinky Man” from Se7en in half by using only his hand. Now how’s that for cool? Sure, he gets done in by James Woods and a Baldwin not named Alec, but Valek is still one bad mutha.
3. Jared Nomak
Portrayed By: Luke Goss
Where You’ve Seen Them: Blade II
Why They’re Cool: A kind of super-vampire, Nomak scares the hell out of the vampiric community by choosing to feed on them instead of mortals. To make matters worse, any vamp who gets bitten by him becomes a carrier of the dreaded Reaper virus. The undead leaders get so desperate that they call in Blade to help against Nomak, and the two eventually engage in a series of epic battles. Nomak gives as good as he gets, and he even whips a little Blade ass from time to time (like when he delivers a sweet elbow drop from on high). He doesn’t look very cool dressed in homeless fashions, but he proves a much tougher opponent than any of those wusses from Blade Trinity.
4. Countess Nadine Carody
Portrayed By: Soledad Miranda
Where You’ve Seen Them: Vampyros Lesbos
Why They’re Cool: She’s a lesbian vampire. Do I really need to say more? I’m just gonna shut up now and let you enjoy the picture. If you want to see a whole lot more of the late Soledad Miranda, be sure and check out this little exploitation flick from Spanish director Jesus Franco.
5. Viktor
Portrayed By: Bill Nighy
Where You’ve Seen Them: The Underworld franchise.
Why They’re Cool: When he’s first awakened from his slumber by the foxy Selene (Kate Beckinsale), you might be thinking to yourself, “Boy, this Viktor guy looks kind of sickly.” While his appearance does improve a bit after being injected with massive amounts of blood, Viktor always looks slightly like the cadaverous, pallid embodiment of death. And his actions more than fit his appearance, as he just whips the snot out of anyone who dares to give him grief. Even the badass werewolf with the crazy baritone voice, Raze, can’t stand to Viktor’s old school power. And my favorite Viktor moment has to be when he kills a Lycan scientist just by punching him in the face. Another plus for Viktor is that he’s being portrayed by Bill Nighy, and the venerable British actor manages to make the vampire ruler seem both sinister and sympathetic.
6. Count Dracula
Portrayed By: Christopher Lee
Where You’ve Seen Them: A whole mess of Hammer horror movies from the ‘60s and ‘70s.
Why They’re Cool: Sure, other actors have given Dracula a decent portrayal, but nobody comes close to the legendary Christopher Lee. While his films portrayed Dracula as more sexual than usual, he was also more than capable of giving someone a look which would chill their blood. If you don‘t believe me, just look at the picture I provided. This version of Dracula doesn’t play around, either. In The Satanic Rites of Dracula, he bands together with a group of devil worshippers in order to develop a highly lethal synthetic version of the Bubonic Plague. You never saw Bela Lugosi’s Dracula planning to infect the human race with a biological weapon, did you?
7. “D”
Portrayed By: (voice) Kaneto Shiozawa and Michael McConnohie
Where You’ve Seen Them: The animated movies Vampire Hunter D and Vampire Hunter D: Bloodlust.
Why They’re Cool: He doesn’t say much, but this dhampir (half human and half vampire) monster hunter is a scourge on the evil supernatural forces which plague the planet. Riding across the land on a cybernetic horse, D possesses a whole host of cool vampiric powers, as well as a funky symbiotic left hand (named Left Hand, natch) which boosts his capabilities to a whole other level. Oh, and he’s also the son of Dracula. Do yourself a favor and check out both the anime and manga versions of the character.
8. Severen
Portrayed By: Bill Paxton
Where You’ve Seen Them: Near Dark
Why They’re Cool: Severen is a complete psychopath, even once causally mentioning that he helped start the Great Chicago Fire of 1871 (which killed hundreds and destroyed four square miles of the city). He loves being a vampire, and you won’t find him having any moral conflicts about killing someone for a light snack. His mean streak is especially evident during a later scene when the film’s vampire clan takes control of a bar. Severen doesn’t just toy with the patrons; he absolutely terrorizes them. Ultimately, he uses the spur on his boot to slit the throat of the bartender, which is one of the more unique vampire attacks you’ll ever see. Paxton plays Severen with such charm that you’ll have a hard time not liking him at least a little bit.
9. Eli
Portrayed By: Lina Leandersson
Where You’ve Seen Them: Let the Right One In
Why They’re Cool: First off, it’s not often you see a childlike vampire who actually seems competent at dispatching mortal folk. And while the androgynous Eli is normally content to be provided for by a human helper, she demonstrates that she’s more than capable of finding her own meals. Whether she’s climbing up walls like a freak, tearing schoolchildren apart, or developing a very unhealthy relationship with a 12-year-old boy, Eli is all about self-preservation. Just make sure you invite her into your home, or you’ll have to watch her turn into one of the freakiest things I’ve ever seen.
10. Alucard
Portrayed By: (voice) Jouji Nakata and Crispin Freeman
Where You’ve Seen Them: Hellsing (both the manga and anime series)
Why They’re Cool: First off, Alucard is Dracula backwards, so this should give you an idea of the power at his disposal. He knows every trick in the book, and a few that haven’t even made it in the book yet. He serves Integra Hellsing, head of the monster-hunting Hellsing Organization, but you can’t help but wonder if he does this out of boredom and affection more than anything. When he’s not busy dispatching supernatural opponents with his awesome powers and big ‘ol pistol, he serves as a mentor to Seras Victoria aka “Police Girl,” a young cop he saved from death by turning into a vampire. Pretty cool for a guy who wears a red fedora and a freakin’ cravat.