Movie Quotes – Funny and Outrageous

Funniest Film Quotes

Whenever I’m feeling blue, I like to pop a well-written comedy into the DVD player and laugh my cares away. While physical humor is always welcome, it’s those witty one-liners that really have me rolling on the floor (whether they’re considered funny movie quotes or outrageous movie quotes). The following article includes some of the funniest film quotes I’ve ever encountered, but feel free to include your own in the comments section.

• “I am serious…and don’t call me Shirley.” (Airplane!)
• “I have nipples, Greg. Could you milk me?” (Meet the Parents)
• “I’ll have what she’s having.” (When Harry Met Sally)
• “Truth hurts. Maybe not as much as jumping on a bicycle with a seat missing, but it hurts.” (Naked Gun 2½: The Smell of Fear)
• “Insanity runs in my family. It practically gallops.” (Arsenic and Old Lace)
• “Don’t knock masturbation. It’s sex with someone I love.” (Annie Hall)

• “There’s no reason to become alarmed, and we hope you’ll enjoy the rest of your flight. By the way, is there anyone on board who knows how to fly a plane?” (Airplane!)
• “If you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge a ball.” (Dodgeball)
• “Please! This is supposed to be a happy occasion. Let’s not bicker and argue over who killed who.” (Monty Python and the Holy Grail)
• “I’ve been listening to my gut since I was 14 years old, and frankly speaking, I’ve come to the conclusion that my guts have shit for brains.” (High Fidelity)
• “There’s a Mr. Grim here about the reaping.” (Monty Python’s The Meaning of Life)
• “Paps, you’ve been like the drunken, abusive grandfather I never had.” (Cabin Boy)
• “Gentlemen, you can’t fight in here! This is the War Room!” (Dr. Strangelove)
• “We came. We saw. We kicked its ass.” (Ghostbusters)
• “Bring us a pitcher of beer every seven minutes until somebody passes out. And then bring one every ten minutes.” (Back to School)
• “Excuse me while I whip this out.” (Blazing Saddles)
• “We just get Miami Wice on television. Miami Wice is number one new show.” (EuroTrip)
• “Well, we’ll not risk another frontal assault. That rabbit’s dynamite.” (Monty Python and the Holy Grail)
• “Marriage is like a tense, unfunny version of Everybody Loves Raymond, only it doesn’t last 22 minutes. It lasts forever.” (Knocked Up)
• “Yeah I called her up, she gave me a bunch of crap about me not listening to her, or something, I don’t know, I wasn’t really paying attention.” (Dumb and Dumber)
• “Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, son.” (Animal House)
• “That’s what I love about these high school girls, man. I get older, they stay the same age.” (Dazed and Confused)
• “That’s just the way it crumbles, cookie wise.” (The Apartment)
• “What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas… Except for herpes. That shit will come back with you.” (The Hangover)
• “I don’t understand. All my life I’ve been waiting for someone, and when I find her, she’s…she’s a fish.” (Splash)
• “I love my dead, gay son.” (Heathers)

• “The only time we doctors should accept death is when it’s caused by our own incompetence.” (The Man with Two Brains)
• “Define ‘irony’: a bunch of idiots dancing around on a plane to a song made famous by a band that died in a plane crash.” (Con-Air)
• “One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas, I don’t know.” (Animal Crackers)

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• “My husband and I fell in love at first sight… maybe I should have taken a second look.” (Crimes and Misdemeanors)
• “I live at home with my parents. It’s just temporary…’til they die.” (Gamers – The Movie)
• “Me love you long time.” (Full Metal Jacket)
• “I immediately regret this decision!” (Anchorman)
• “I think I’m attracted to teachers. Yeah, I took out an English teacher. That didn’t work out at all. I sent her a love letter…She corrected it!” (Back to School)
• “You’re gonna need a bigger boat.” (Jaws)
• “Son, you got a panty on your head.” (Raising Arizona)
• “My grammy never gave gifts. She was too busy getting raped by Cossacks.” (Annie Hall)
• “I feel like I’m taking crazy pills!” (Zoolander)

• “Not you, Fat Jesus.” (The Hangover)
• “We’re police officers! We’re not trained to handle this kind of violence.” (Demolition Man)
• “Those aren’t pillows!” (Planes, Trains, and Automobiles)
• “I have strong feelings about gun control. If there’s a gun around, I want to be controlling it.” (Pink Cadillac)
• “Be the ball.” (Caddyshack)
• “They’ve done studies, you know. Sixty percent of the time, it works every time.” (Anchorman)
• “This definitely rates about a 9.0 on my weird-shit-o-meter.” (Men in Black)
• “Shut the fuck up, Donny.” (The Big Lebowski)
• “This one goes to 11.” (Spinal Tap)
• “Winners go home and fuck the prom queen.” (The Rock)

• “Do you know how hard it is to find a decent man in this town? Most of them think monogamy is some kind of wood.” (The Mask)
• “I was born a poor black child.” (The Jerk)
• “It ain’t white boy day, is it?” (True Romance)
• “Two thousand dollars for ice? I can get an Eskimo for two hundred dollars and make my own ice.” (Horse Feathers)
• “I don’t want to buy or sell anything that’s processed.” (Say Anything)
• “I hate you, and I hate your ass face.” (Waiting for Guffman)
• “If I’m not back in five minutes…wait longer.” (Ace Ventura, Pet Detective)

As you might have guessed, I love movie quotes. Funny and outrageous quotes are the best, but browsing the “movie quotes” section here at OGM will turn up posts dedicated to everything from movies quotes about life to movie quotes about love. And, yes, you can quote me on that.

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