Quotes from “The Princess Bride” – A Timeless Tale of Adventure and Romance

Saturday, April 21, 2012 at 11:34 pm

When it comes to memorable movie lines, Princess Bride quotes are among the most popular. That’s because the film–based on the 1973 novel by William Goldman–never takes itself too seriously. It also doesn’t hurt that the feature is filled with memorable roles from performers such as Cary Elwes, Robin Wright, Mandy Patinkin, Billy Crystal, Christopher Guest, Chris Sarandon, and even Andre the Giant. Goldman wrote the adapted screenplay himself, with director Rob “Meathead” Reiner providing the same understanding of comedy that made This Is Spinal Tap such a success.

Set in a fantastical world, The Princess Bride tells the story of Buttercup and Westley, two young people who fall deeply in love with one another. But when Westley is believed killed by the Dread Pirate Roberts, the grieving Buttercup is whisked away to marry Prince Humperdinck, the thoroughly rotten heir to the throne of Florin. Then she’s kidnapped by a band of thieves (including a giant from Greenland and a skilled Spanish swordsman), and a mysterious man in black shows up for an attempted rescue.

From there, we get battles with giant rodents, epic sword battles, an albino, and even a six-fingered sadist. And the whole thing is framed as a fairy tale that’s being read by a grandfather to his ailing grandson. It’s great fun that’s appropriate for all ages, and I can’t recommend The Princess Bride enough.

I’ve broken this list of Princess Bride quotes into sections dedicated to each character. If you can think of any¬†classic dialogue from the film that I’ve overlooked, be sure to drop me a line in the comments section. Enjoy.

16 Quotes from Westley / Dread Pirate Roberts

Westley (Cary Elwes) begins as a simple farmhand, but he undergoes a great transformation after journeying into the world to make enough money to marry Buttercup. He’s the undisputed hero of The Princess Bride, and his quotes range from the comedic to the absurdly serious.

1. “As you wish.”

2. “This is true love – you think this happens every day?”

3. “Death cannot stop true love. All it can do is delay it for a while.”

4. “We are men of action, lies do not become us.”

5. “Oh, what I wouldn’t give for a holocaust cloak.”

6. “There’s a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. It would be a pity to damage yours.”

7. “Truly, you have a dizzying intellect.”

8. (When challenged to fight to the death) “No. To the pain.”

9. “I’ll explain and I’ll use small words so that you’ll be sure to understand, you warthog faced buffoon.”

10. “I spent the last few years building up an immunity to iocane powder.”

11. “It’s possible, pig, I might be bluffing. It’s conceivable, you miserable, vomitous mass, that I’m only lying here because I lack the strength to stand. But, then again…perhaps I have the strength after all.”

12. “I do not envy you the headache you will have when you awake. But for now, rest well and dream of large women.”

13. “You mean, you’ll put down your rock and I’ll put down my sword, and we’ll try and kill each other like civilized people?”

14. “Life is pain, Highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something.”

15. “No one would surrender to the Dread Pirate Westley.”

16. “Have you ever considered piracy? You’d make a wonderful Dread Pirate Roberts.”

8 Quotes from Inigo Montoya

After his father was murdered, an 11-year-old Inigo Montoya swore vengeance on the six-fingered murderer. Now 20 years later, Inigo (Mandy Patinkin) finds himself caught up in an epic adventure that may finally allow him to attain his goal.

1. “Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.”

2. “I do not mean to pry, but you don’t by any chance happen to have six fingers on your right hand?”

3. “There’s not a lot of money in revenge.”

4. “You seem a decent fellow… I hate to kill you.”

5. “Do you hear that, Fezzik? That is the sound of ultimate suffering. My heart made that sound when the six-fingered man killed my father. The Man in Black makes it now.”

6. “I have been in the revenge business so long, now that it’s over, I don’t know what to do with the rest of my life.”

7. “I want my father back, you son of a bitch!”

8. “There will be blood tonight!”

3 Quotes from Buttercup

The beautiful Buttercup (Robin Wright) is a farmer’s daughter who becomes the objective of most of the characters in The Princess Bride. Some want to marry her, while others would prefer to kill her.

1. “I will never doubt again.”

2. “You can’t hurt me. Westley and I are joined by the bonds of love. And you cannot track that, not with a thousand bloodhounds, and you cannot break it, not with a thousand swords.”

3. “You mocked me once, never do it again! I died that day!”

5 Quotes from Fezzik

Played the Andre the Giant, Fezzik is a massive individual who’s best friends with the Inigo Montoya. Originally hired to kidnap and then murder Buttercup, he winds up becoming one of the tale’s heroes.

1. “I only dog paddle.”

2. “You be careful. People in masks cannot be trusted.”

3. “You’ve been mostly-dead all day.”

4. “It’s not my fault being the biggest and the strongest. I don’t even exercise.”

5. “I fight gangs for local charities and stuff.”

4 Quotes from Prince Humperdinck

Vain and cowardly, Prince Humperdinck (Chris Sarandon) can’t become the ruler of Florin soon enough for his liking. In fact, he already has plans to start a war with a neighboring country and increase his holdings. Audience members will enjoy seeing him get his unconventional comeuppance during the final act.

1. “Tyrone, you know how much I love watching you work, but I’ve got my country’s 500th anniversary to plan, my wedding to arrange, my wife to murder and Guilder to frame for it. I’m swamped.”

2. “You truly love each other and so you might have been truly happy. Not one couple in a century has that chance, no matter what the story books say. And so I think no man in a century will suffer as greatly as you will.”

3. “Please consider me as an alternative to suicide.”

4. “That may be the first time in my life a man has dared insult me.”

6 Quotes from Vizzini

A Sicilian mastermind, Vizzini (Wallace Shawn) is hired to abduct and kill Buttercup in an effort to frame the kingdom of Guilder. He has a famous showdown with the mysterious man in black, where he must decide which of two goblets are poisoned.

1. “Am I going mad, or did the word ‘think’ escape your lips? You were not hired for your brains, you hippopotamic land mass.”

2. “I’ve hired you to help me start a war. It’s a prestigious line of work, with a long and glorious tradition.”

3. “Inconceivable!”

4. “Because iocane comes from Australia, as everyone knows, and Australia is entirely peopled with criminals, and criminals are used to having people not trust them, as you are not trusted by me, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you.”

5. “You fool! You fell victim to one of the classic blunders – The most famous of which is ‘never get involved in a land war in Asia’ – but only slightly less well-known is this: ‘Never go against a Sicilian when death is on the line!’ Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha…”

6. “You’re trying to kidnap what I’ve rightfully stolen.”

5 Quotes from Miracle Max

Billy Crystal has a small part as Miracle Max, an individual who once performer miracles for the ruler of Florin. He’s since been sacked by Prince Humperdinck, which proves enough motivation to convince him to help the heroes with a matter of great importance.

1. “You rush a miracle man, you get rotten miracles.”

2. “The King’s stinking son fired me, and thank you so much for bringing up such a painful subject. While you’re at it, why don’t you give me a nice paper cut and pour lemon juice on it? We’re closed.”

3. “Have fun stormin’ da castle.”

4. “Sonny, true love is the greatest thing, in the world-except for a nice MLT – mutton, lettuce and tomato sandwich, where the mutton is nice and lean and the tomato is ripe.”

5. “Whoo-hoo-hoo, look who knows so much. It just so happens that your friend here is only MOSTLY dead. There’s a big difference between mostly dead and all dead. Mostly dead is slightly alive. With all dead, well, with all dead there’s usually only one thing you can do.” (When asked what, he replies “Go through his clothes and look for loose change.”)

4 Quotes from Count Tyrone Rugen

Christopher Guest plays Count Rugen, the six-fingered advisor to Prince Hunperdinck. When he’s not killing innocent people or planning to start wars, Rugen enjoys creating new torture devices. The following are the best Princess Bride quotes uttered by Count Rugen:

1. “As you know, the concept of the suction pump is centuries old. Really that’s all this is except that instead of sucking water, I’m sucking life. I’ve just sucked one year of your life away. I might one day go as high as five, but I really don’t know what that would do to you. So, let’s just start with what we have. What did this do to you? Tell me. And remember, this is for posterity so be honest. How do you feel?”

2. “Your princess is quite a winning creature. A trifle simple, perhaps. Her appeal is undeniable.”

3. “Get some rest. If you haven’t got your health, then you haven’t got anything.”

4. “You must be that little Spanish brat I taught a lesson to all those years ago. You’ve been chasing me your whole life only to fail now? I think that’s about the worst thing I’ve ever heard. (pauses) How marvelous.”

5 Quotes from The Grandfather

Peter Falk plays this role, and The Princess Bride is presented as a tale he’s reading to his sick grandson. While his role is small, he does get to speak the film’s final line.

1. “When I was your age, television was called books. And this is a special book. It was the book my father used to read to me when I was sick, and I used to read it to your father. And today I’m gonna read it to you.”

2. “Nothing gave Buttercup as much pleasure as ordering Westley around.”

3. “Keep your shirt on, and let me read.”

4. “Since the invention of the kiss there have been five kisses that were rated the most passionate, the most pure. This one left them all behind.”

5. (When asked if he will come back and read the book again) “As you wish.”

5 Quotes from The Grandson

Fred Savage plays the grandson, a sick kid who wants no part of a book about romance. But as the tale of The Princess Bride unfolds, he finds that he likes the book more than he initially imagined.

1. “I wasn’t nervous. Maybe I was a little bit ‘concerned’ but that’s not the same thing.”

2. “Is this a kissing book?”

3. “They’re kissing again. Do we have to read the kissing parts?”

4. “Murdered by pirates is good…”

5. “Grandpa, maybe you could come over and read it again to me tomorrow.”

5 Quotes from The Impressive Clergyman

People with speech impediments won’t be amused by the Peter Cook character, but almost everyone else will. The Impressive Clergyman presides over the wedding between Buttercup and Humperdinck, a process that turns hilarious thanks to his inability to pronounce “R” and “L” sounds.

1. “Mawage. Mawage is wot bwings us togeder tooday. Mawage, that bwessed awangment, that dweam wifin a dweam…”

2. “And wuv, tru wuv, will fowow you foweva…”

3. “So tweasure your wuv.”

4. “Have you the wing?”

5. “…and do you, Pwincess Buwwercup…”

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I hope these Princess Bride quotes have got you in the mood to see the movie. Viewers watching for the first time will love the action and romance, while longtime fans will have a chance to once again visit a fantastic–and frequently funny–world populated by all manner of endearing characters. But before you turn away from the Internet in favor of your TV, be sure to check out these other quote-based articles from Only Good Movies:

This entry was posted on Saturday, April 21st, 2012 at 11:34 pm and is filed under Movie Quotes. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

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